stand4hope

I guess I'd better move into my new sunroom. I saved lots of plants from Don's funeral and that's where they are so they can get lots of sunshine. Instead of sunroom, maybe I should call it my health spa. I've been thinking of adding a bird, one that sings a pretty song. Healthy plants, clean air and a singing bird - how therapeutic is that? Thanks for the post, Jackie! Love, Peggy

Hello everyone, I don't know if there is going to be a separate widows/widowers forum, and like I said on the other post, it's really ok with me either way. Whether we just keep the one forum or start another one, I'm thinking that on this type of forum what we need is more "chit-chat" back and forth. Not necessarily anything like a chat room, but a little similar. I think on many of the other forums, a question, concern or update, etc. is put out there and most of us have one response and/or one answer or good thoughts to the person. On this forum, I think that frequently some of us would like to come back and add something else, or make another comment, or offer more as we think of things on that subject rather than start another thread. On this forum, the theme is more about feelings than facts or answers. Our grief is always in our face and raises its ugly head when we least expect it, and our tears are more frequent than ever before in our lives. I think we would also like to talk more about the good days and good times we are having in spite of our grief, and need to express that more often. In summary, I guess instead of going somewhere else to express our grief or our successes, I'm trying to encourage more activity on this forum, from grievers AND non-grievers. I know there are many, many, many people lurking this forum - MANY!! Why? Because they are either where we are, know someone who is where we are, anticipate being where we are, or they just CARE!! And finally, really I mean it, I'm almost done , don't hang back and not post if you want to post. Get it out there! Even if nobody responds to you or to me, it makes me feel better if I can just type it, put it into words and just talk about it knowing that somebody heard and listened. Just some thoughts for this sunny day in Indiana - FINALLY!!! Love you all, Peggy P.S. Oh, and for those of you who read something here and think, "I just don't know what to say," (which I know is common), I would say this: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! If you truly do want to respond but just don't know what to say, don't say anything. Just post a hug, a cry face, or a smiley face. That's all it takes, my friends, to say you care! I know that I am blessed when anyone cares.

Hi Beth, Are you feeling better today? Did they send the email and did you at least get lots of "atta girl" responses? You deserve it, angel, and here's one more: ATTA GIRL, BETH! YOU ROCK! Come back and talk to us some more. OK? I love you! Peggy

I'm in Indiana, Patty, but not very close to you. I'm always happy to say hello to another Hoosier, though. Go IU! Go Pacers! Go Colts! Did you get all that rain last week up there? My goodness, my yard was so saturated that I had to put on boots just to walk to the mini barn. From reading your profile, it sounds like you have a pretty good chance of beating this thing. GO FOR IT! FIGHT FOR IT! TAKE IT! Love and hugs, Peggy

He's thrown me down on mine a time or two. OUCH! Love, Peggy

I didn't ask permission before posting this, so I sure hope she won't get mad at me, but Tina (tnmynatt) could use some hugs. I think Charlie is hanging in there ok, but as Don would say, prayers, too, could make it "more better". ((((((((((((TINA)))))))))))) Love you, Tina! Peggy

Hi Tom and WELCOME! I don't have much to add to the others wonderful posts here. I'm glad you found us - you'll be glad you did. Just about everything you need is right here - information, caring, loving, support and even a lot of laughs. You might not be laughing much right now, but stick around, this a crazy and fun bunch of folks. God bless you, Peggy

Oh, Tami, I laughed RIGHT OUT LOUD when I read that. Love, Peggy

He isn't the only one like that, Bron. I've discovered over the years there a lot of employers like that. Not all of them, of course, but probably a pretty high percentage. Actually, I think a lot of the bad ones probably have lost someone close to them, but they don't see their employees as people with emotions, feelings, hurts, pain or real lives. The ones like that have smelly poop for brains and "power trip" is their middle name. Best of luck on the job hunt that you are going to start right away - right? Love, Peggy

I was just typing a letter to a court and here's what it said after I printed it: Enclosed please find Verified Motion For all dressed up and nose up, I go, for Summary Judgment. Sure am glad I read it before I mailed it! Teehee! Peggy

Contribution: My time and my love Received: Your time and Your love (all of you) :) :) :) :) :) Love, Peggy

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Ok, Jackie, you're the boss! I'm taking your advice: Tomorrow, me, my sister and her boyfriend are walking into Don's favorite restaurant, Outback. I decided to do the hardest one first and I will do it your way: "all dressed up and nose up, I go." And, the healing begins, or rather, continues . . . Love you guys so much! Peggy

Dear Lori, What Karen said!! Also, as long as your mom is competent, I think you probably know the answer to the question as to whose decision it should be. The hard part, I'm sure, is getting past the pushy and controlling SF. Best of luck to you with this, honey. This is a hard one. Love you! Peggy

Sharon, It's afternoon now, so top of the afternoon to you! Our office isn't in downtown Indy anymore so I kind of miss the parade, and the green buttons, hats and shirts. I did watch the governor on TV this morning poor green dye in the canal. It's always kind of fun to see that first gush of green water shoot up in the fountain. Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! Love, Peggy

Oh, Ann, out of all the special days, I think this one is probably the hardest. If I had known, I would have sent you a beautiful bright red rose. I pray that today will be forever on your calendar as a reminder of the most blessed years of your life. Loving you from afar, Peggy

YES, YES, YES!!!!!!! Big congrats on 1 year! Getting to the end of that first year is such a wonderful feeling, isn't it? God bless you both! Peggy

Well, Ms. Rochelle, I think you have a yackier mouth than me! And, even though you denied my hall pass, at least you didn't charge me 10 bucks, so I guess I'll give you a great big high five and a HUGE congratulations. I don't know what we would do without you! Love, Peggy

Dear Michelle, It's "safe" to be snippy with people that love you the most. I think it's a common occurrence. I don't necessarily think it's right, but it is what it is. My husband would be snippy with me for no reason. I always knew, though, that his anger was at his job or some other person - someone or someplace where it was not "safe" to let it out. How does that saying go, something like, "We hurt the people the most that we love the most", or something like that? (I bet Snowflake knows it!) I know it's tough, but try to not take it personal and just ignore it. Also, a little distance, or time, between you and your mom might help. She might think twice before taking it out on you if she thinks you won't be around as much. Just a thought. Hang in there, and I'm sorry you and your sister, and your mom, too, are having such a hard time. Love, Peggy

Hello again, sorry to chime in with something else - well, no, actually I'm not sorry. Tee hee! I just want Andrea and Katie and Rick to know that I actually don't think this is one of those angry threads that we all hate. I think it's turned into something very positive. Everyone is speaking their opinion and being friendly about it. I think this is a good topic and a healthy discussion. I would like to add that I would not like having a forum off site with a totally separate forum like the Juice Plus ads, etc. My reason for that is that if I stay, I wouldn't feel like I was part of the group. Know what I mean? OK . . . . slinking back into the sidelines. I think I just heard Don yell, "Get off that d*%# computer and go to bed." Love, Peggy

Hi Beth, Well, first of all, I guess I'll have to start my "hall pass" tomorrow :) because I couldn't not respond to you because I love you so much. I can so much identify with you not being able to call Bill. As you know, in December I had to deal with a devastating situation also at my job and I actually thought I was going to die because Don wasn't here for me to release all my anger and sadness. It was a very horrible time - VERY painful, and I needed him so much! I got through it, of course, but oh my gosh, I so, so much know how you feel about not being able to share all those feelings with your Bill. As far as them holding back on the announcement, Becky and I will put on our gang clothes and go beat the crap out of them if you want! They'll never know what hit'em. Hang in there, honey! I love you! Love, Peggy

As I say to my son, shhhhhh, shhhhh, take a deep breath, relax, shhhhh, shhhh . . . Ok, here's my 45 cents worth: There are really two parts to this thread. 1. Ginny asking opinions about a separate widows/widowers forum, and 2. Connie's feelings that this isn't a grief support group. I think a widows/widowers forum would be nice, not critical, but nice. Anyway, those of you who are so kind to respond to my whining on the Grieving forum, I'm sure would still be just as kind and respond to me no matter where I post. You are all just that kind of wonderful, caring people! So, I can go either way with this. Ginny and I talked about it before she posted and she could throw it out there as an idea and see what you all thought about it. Now, about Connie's feelings. What I "hear" from her words is that she thinks perhaps everyone grieving, not just widows and widowers, should move on after a time to a grief support group. I have to say that maybe she has a valid point. I will tell you that I truly don't want to leave this site, at least not yet, because to me, you are like family, and I guess I'm not ready. BUT, I really, really do see that to some survivors and caretakers that just having the Grieving and Obituary forums there could shatter hope. Friends, I truly am ALL ABOUT HOPE, and I don't want to do anything to discourage anyone's hope. Now, I will say, though, that even with that, unfortunately, death is a very real part of this disease. Some of us, like me, will decide to go ahead and move on out of here, but I think you should always have grieving forums alive, active and very available. I can tell you that if it weren't for people like Peg (remember sweet Peg and her precious Bill) and Ginny, and Jackie and Ann and Lynne, and others that lost their spouses before me, I would not have been as prepared as I was when my Don died. After Don died, I heard Ginny say so many times on the Grieving forum that keeping busy was the best answer, that it was like a command. I knew I had to keep busy because Ginny said so! That's what she did and Ginny is happy, healthy, smiling and back to living!! Ok, sorry, that was 52 cents worth. I'll shut up now. Love you guys, Peggy

Dear Audrene, As Beth said, there are many of us here who are on the same path as you, including many of those who posted here above this post. We know how painful and sad this is for you. When your heart is breaking, so is ours. Many people and different things have helped me over the past 7 months, but most recently one of our own members here at LCSC posted words to another member that lifted my heart to a higher level. Just in case she doesn't come on here and repeat those words, here they are: "Don't cry because he's gone, smile because you had him in your life." ~~~~~~~~~~Lesley from Alabama As with most things, they have to come at the right time to have an impact, so those words might not give you the jolt that they did me, but stay with us because if not those words, perhaps someone else's will help. God's love to you, Peggy

Lily, You have really had a few rough years! I think only you can answer these questions, and if you listen to your heart, you will know what to do. By "heart" this time, I don't necessarily mean the emotional heart, I mean the conscience that is really there loud and clear telling you what to do. If your conscience is saying "I don't want to stay here at all. I want to stay in California", then listen to it. If it's saying, "Stay here and leave California", then listen to it. Just make that decision, be final, throw your shoulders back, smile and feel good about your decision. If you do decide to stay in Calilfornia, your kids will be ok. Lily, I hope and pray that you find some peace and tranquility sooner rather than later. It's time for some happy, stress-free days for you! Love and hugs, Peggy

WOW! My interpretation: DON'T MESS WITH SHELLIE ABOUT THIS SH**!!! Sorry, just had to put the explitive because that was my first true thought! Shellie, I am very NON-confrontational. Will you come and advocate for me if I ever need it? Prayers for your sister! Love you! Peggy

Oh, Adela, I am so sorry. I am glad that you were able to be with him and have your arms around him. I'm sure he knew you were there and felt your love! God bless you! Love, Peggy