DianeR

Christine, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. My thoughts are with you. Diane

Beth you will be ok! It is great to read your post. I am so happy that you are finding happiness in this holiday. The notes Bill left you are so special. I think he knew this would help get you through the grief. I wanted you to know that your post was such an inspiration to me. I know I have so much to be thankful for and want to live my life to its fullest for my dad. I just want you to know you help many on here that you don't even realize you are helping. I hope someday I am able to help the way you have helped many here. I wish you a wonderful holiday with only happy memories. Diane

Pat, I can't even begin to comprehend the grief you have suffered in the loss of two wonderful husbands. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your updated post sounds that you are feeling better and I am so glad. I hope you do have wonderful memories and dreams of these two men you were lucky enough to have in your life. I am sure they are saying how good of a wife you were, because there was always so much love written in your posts and I know they knew they were loved. Take care of yourself. Diane

Ann, You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can always feel so much love in your post when you talk about Dennis. I know this time of year is so hard. Be kind to yourself. Diane

Kathleen, It has been over 2 years now since I lost my dad and I can still totally relate to your post. I still have those waves of grief that knock me down. I could have replaced the word "dad" where you have "mom" so many times in your post. He was my best friend, he loved me unconditionally and he loved me more then anyone else on this earth. It is unbearable to lose someone like that in your life. I too have said I hope to be a fraction of the person my dad was. He was kind, loving, caring and oh so funny. How I miss his humor. I hope you get through the holidays with warm and happy memories of your mom. It sounds like she was a wonderful person who would want you to enjoy the holidays and life. Diane

Adela, What a great post. I think it is so sweet you can remember Ed at Christmas time with a smile! I also think the Nordstrom box under the tree is a wonderful thing to do. I am struggling, but working hard to enjoy Christmas,as this was my dad's favorite holiday. He always made it wonderful and fun. This will be my third Christmas without him and it is still so painful. I have so many favorite memories of daddy during the holidays that I just don't know where to begin. My parents would always come spend the week of Christmas with us. We only lived about an hour away, but they would come stay with us, which we loved. He would always be "ho, ho, hoing" as he carried all the gifts inside. My kids were always so excited to see him because he was the "fun guy" at Christmas! I think the thing I remember most is when my kids would always wake everyone up before the crack of dawn on Christmas morning. Well, as my kids got older and weren't waking up as early, it would be my daddy going around saying "Santa was here" and waking up the kids! He was always so excited to watch the kids open up the presents. Everyone just loved him and he is so missed everyday but, during these holidays it is almost unbearable. I do want to thank you for starting this post, because it did bring a smile remembering these memories of daddy at Christmas! Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful holiday with warm memories of Ed. Diane

I absolutely love animals! I have always had animals. As of now, I have 2 cats, 1 dog and 2 betta fish. My cats were both strays that found me. Huckleberry we have had now for 12 years and Cyclops (the one eyed cat) we have had for 4 years. I love them both with all my heart. They are great pals. I had a mixed stray husky dog, Arby, when my dad was sick. I loved that dog with all my heart. He was such a comfort to me. He was only about 5 years old but went into kidney failure about 6 months after daddy died. I was so sad losing such a great fury friend. I think my pal, Arby, was sent here for a purpose to get me through daddy's diagnosis and death. What a loving and caring dog he was. I miss him so much. Now I have a goofy, but wonderful, black lab. He is not Arby but I love him. He is BIG, over 90 lbs. and just turned one in June. His name is Bosley. He sure keeps me busy. I feel like I have a baby all over again. He is wonderful for me because I need to keep busy and he sure does just that for me. I love my animals and can't picture my life without them! Diane

Jen, I am so very sorry. I lost my dad, my hero, almost 2 years ago. I understand your pain and loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Diane

Joanie, I hope you are feeling better today. I was just the caregiver and I still have many down days. I can't even imagine being the patient. Be kind to yourself. I have to agree with Ann about the puppy kisses. It always makes my day when my BIG black lab greets me with a BIG wet puppy kiss! Take care and wishing you happy days! Diane

Denise, I am so sorry and I do understand. My dad has been gone 22 months now and the grief still comes and hits me hard. I think when you have someone you love so deeply there is always something so special missing in your life, and it hurts. My dad, like yours, was so loved by my kids. It always hurts me with special events in their life that dad never got to see. All I do know is we were so very lucky to have such special dads! I hope Dominick had a special and happy birthday! I hope you were able to enjoy the day also. My thoughts are with you. Diane

Val, I'm sad to say, I know all too well how you are feeling. It's just so very hard. Diane

Carleen, No words can say how truly sorry I am to read this about Keith. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Diane R.

Sherri, I am praying for your dad and hoping for the best. Diane

Teri, I am so sorry to hear about the progression. I am praying for you. I hope the radiation can relieve your pain and you are feeling better soon. Take Care, Diane

TAnn, I am so sorry to hear you are having so much pain and unable to control it. I hope this chemo is the one that does miracles for you. I will be keeping my fingers, toes, and anything else that can be crossed, in hopes that you find relief and improvememnt. I understand your frustation, because my dad was also a difficult patient to treat with meds. They did not relieve his pain and he would get many side effects from most meds. Advil also seemed to be what he would go back to taking. The Drs. always wanted him to try and take the narcotics, but we soon learned he needed to take what helped him. I hope this is the chemo for you TAnn and soon you are feeling much better. Take Care, Diane

Val, I read your post and I wanted to cry because I know how you are feeling. I find night time lying in bed very difficult. Even after almost 16 months since my dad passed away I find nights very hard. This seems to be the time when the memories of those last few weeks creep in and just tear me apart. I understand your statement "I DO think I'm 'doing better.' But I don't really 'feel' better." I feel the same and I guess maybe that is part of the grieving journey. Often I think to myself that I just can't believe he died and is gone. It seemed to all happen so fast. But in reality it was over a period of 8 months! I am rambling on here so I will stop. But I did want you to know I care, I know how you feel, and how hard it is to be without your loved one. I hope this is a better year for all. Take Care Val. Diane

Denise, I am so very sorry you lost your dad. I know all to well the pain you are feeling and my heart goes out to you and your family. I am sure your dad knew how much you loved him, because I could feel it just by reading your posts. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Diane

Love the idea Shelly. Thanks Diane

Beth, I am so sorry. You and your family have been through so much in such a short time. Diane

Beth, I am so very very sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Diane

Debbie, When you hear a story like that one it really does make you realize how precious life is and how fast it can be taken away. It makes you want to cherish each and everyday you have and tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. My dad's pulmonary doctor always said to my dad "Nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow, so live life to it's fullest each day". He was such a positive doctor and my dad always felt 100% better after leaving his office. Debbie, I hope you are able to cherish everyday with Alan and I hope there are many, many, many days to be enjoyed! Thanks for the reminder to enjoy everyday because we just never know what tomorrow will bring. Diane

TAnn, I am so happy to hear you are still stable and able to continue on with the 7th treatment. I hope you are feeling wonderful soon and able to enjoy the holidays to the fullest! Great to see an update from you. Diane

Val, I know how you feel. It has been 14 months for me and I am still mad, I am still sad and wishing with all my heart he was still here with me. You are not alone. You and Carolyn are in my thoughts. Take Care, Diane

Donna, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Diane

Kathi, My Dad was all about Christmas too! I miss him everyday, but the holidays are extremely hard. It sounds like you have so many wonderful memories of your pop. I think it is those very precious special memories that help you make it through the holidays. I know it sure helps me. Your pop sounded like a wonderful dad. What a gift we were given in this life to have dad's we adored. Take care, Diane