lords1protector Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Boy was I sure Although I wish I had room to doubt it. I was stage III about a few weeks ago and now I am at Stage IV. Spread to my main Broncial Tube and my Liver. Just started my Chemo on Wed. and feeling sick as a dog atm. Doing Chemo/Taxol trying my best to keep my chin up. But I must admit its hard ,I am to the point now of wondering what is next. Terrible feeling knowing I was planning my big move to Rome in Dec. and some how this sneaked up behind me. I am glad to see so many cheerful replies. Lord knows I need them in these dark days I have ahead of me. My main thoughts are that I just had so many plans. So many things I wanted to do. Worked my life off to become a Neonatalogist(For those who don't know its a doctor that deals with premature babies). Was really looking forward to starting a family and having a photo album of my babies from work. Haven't been to work in a while now. Spending alot of time looking on the computer seeing what my options are. Checking into some ground breaking studies to see if they can offer me a chance to beat this. Just praying every night that I can make it through all of the hardships I know I have ahead. First treatment almost has me saying roll out the gravestone(just kidding ) But it is rough. I try to hide it from those around me so they don't worry anymore than they already are. But as the days go by the pain get worse and its harder for me not to show emotion from the pain and body aches and such. I just ask that you all keep me in my prayers. Its amazing how you go through you life being knocked down by friends growing up for not smoking,having sex,drinking and tried to keep my head above the waters. But this has seemed to pull me beneath it. Sorry for sounding so sad I am just still even now having a hard time accepting what has happened I find myself asking why me O Lord why me. But the answer never comes and I lower my head,sometimes with a tear rolling down my cheek and I try my best to find something to get my mind off it. So here I am the baby of you all(Counts how many old fart stickers he gonna have to send off) I am looking forward to building great friendships with you all. Hope you all are having Brownsugar Dreams right now Talk to you all soon Godbless and Au Revoir Yours Truly Dartagnan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 The early days are the hardest for all of us. None of us are super heros, we just learn to live one day at time.....and to live it to its fullest. Once over the inital shock, it will get easier and life will become enjoyable again....if you let it. jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 As mentioned above this is the hardest part in my opinion.I too have been knocked on my butt a few times by the taxol but it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Don't let the blues that come with feeling bad after chemo color your whole perspective... just put one foot in front of the other, for the moment, and do what needs to be done. I know the early days are the worst, and days seem darkest. BUT you're here, and working to keep it that way. I'll keep you in my prayers. XOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doughnut Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 I can't believe it. I've just posted the world's longest reply and lost it. Serves me right for being so wordy. Hello Dartagnan, glad I've got a name for you and, well, what a name! Always was my favourite Musketeer! (I'm English there is a "u" in favourite I'm so sorry that you have to be here at any time, especially at your age. Cancer's such a shocking diagnosis and when you're so young it must be more so. The truth is that it's not fair and I don't know why you, why my friend or why anybody else here. Your posts suggest that you're struggling particularly with the fact that it's lung cancer because you never smoked. It's only the undeserved stigma of lung cancer that makes nearly everybody react that way. The harsh truth is that lung cancer can, like every other cancer, affect anyone at any age no matter the lifestyle. It's a lottery that no one wants to win. So Rome??? Really, really hot, dusty, noisy and those drivers??? Still, it's a great place isn't it. Rome is not cancelled my friend, just delayed. Loads of people are living with stage iv lung cancer. My own gran lived with it for nearly 8 years before dying of motor neurone disease. She was 50 years older than you, 7 stone (pre cancer)and this was in the late 70s early 80s - things have come on since then. Right, I've spouted long enough and a holiday weekend beckons. If I hit the wrong button again I'll give up. I really am sorry that you need to be here but something tells me you're going to be a laugh to have around. Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Hi Dartagnan, Thanks for sharing about yourself. That helps. You have worked hard all your life. You don't deserve this. Nobody does. Why me?, you ask? There is no answer. There never will be an answer. I promise you that. You will just drive yourself crazy trying to find the answer that will not come. The answer is...It just IS. (that is acceptance) Try not to look back or forward. Try to concentrate on being as happy as you can in "the moment". When you let your worries and frustrations go, you are setting your body chemistry up for healing. I believe this with all my heart. DE-stress as much as possible through this treatment. Try to sleep, to drink, to eat, to laugh as much as possible. Do most everyday what you can that gives you JOY! Ask for prayers from everyone. Allow yourself to be sick and miserable. Know that it is God's divine love that has purpose for you. I went fishing as much as I could through my treatments. That is what gave me joy. I truly believe that helped. Hate to give so much of my good wisdom away to someone so young (and deserving) but, we just gotta keep you around for a long while! LOVE< Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Just as your "handle" here, we are all for one and one for all. Hang in there. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Lewis Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Dartagnan, Thanks for posting and for finding this group. Like you, I am newly diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. Many have posted that they are living with LC many years following diagnosis. I sincerely hope that you and I are to be counted among them. I attended a LC support group last evening and one member announced that his "chemo days" are his best! Everything you describe is in your favor, including your age, probably in good condition and full of energy and determination. Tell you what...I'm 62, considerably younger than you. If you will walk forward, I will match you, step for step. We can lick this thing together. One step at a time.. Prayers and good thoughts.. Michael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missyk Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Dartagnan...*smiles* at the old fart reference! Has called my mom that so many times, especially lately as we were wondering what was wrong with her!! Now that we know...well, we blame alot of things (with laughter) on the brain tumor or the primary tumor. We laugh about the fact she'll lose her hair (she always threatened to shave her head each summer anyway!!!). We've told "the grandkids" that they can rub grandma's bald head for good luck!! In my family, if you can't laugh, you're already done for...so it made me feel good to see you crack a couple of jokes! I'm only 30 myself and i know it's not ME going through this...but i'm lucky to have my mom very close in proximity to me so that i can be part of her fight against the beastie! Please know that we're all sending prayers and love out for you to beat this thing!! Neonatalogist, huh?? Wow! What hard and rewarding work!!! Here's to health and gettin you back to those babies!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Hi Dart, Been thinking about you and hope your fears has somewhat dimInish. Dart, you will get to Rome, you are just taking a detour. Not a pleasant one by all means, but you will be back on the road, going toward your goal. You are going to reach it. It's going to happen, you gotta believe..and pray. Get all the prayers you can. We can certainly help you in that department. By the way great goal!! And Dee....musketeer???. ... I vote for 'Young SkyWalker'. Maybe we should leave it to our friends to help decide. There is a catagory for other, in case there are other suggestions. Take care Dart(Young Skywalker) have a great holiday weekend. Go out with friends, have some fun. Or, just sit back take it easy and just chill..read a book, whatever you feel like doing. So glad you are posting, Prayers coming your way.. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Welcome Dartagnan. Lots of great advice. Stay with us and let us know. Prayers for the best. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Welcome Dartagnan: I have been doing chemo too. I am halfway though 4 rounds of gemzar/carboplatin. I hope your chemo knocks the cancer way back. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Hello Dartagnan, Just wants to say welcome to this helpful board. You will find a lot of help, stories, advice and hope. Sending prayers your way. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Hello-you will do fine.It is very scary. But hang in there-keep your chin up and don't forgo your dreams. You are young and will beat this. Think positive. God bless,Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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