i need help please - dad very ill

[purplecaz]

I have only found this board tonight.

My dad was only admitted a week ago, he had not been eating very well, lost weight, had back ache and a cough (he has emphesema so he usually has this cough)and worsening breathlessness (only for a few days).

He had a chest xray which showed a shadow.

He has had a ct scan, a bone scan and a bronchoscopy which showed a large tumour in the left lung. We dont have the ct and bone scan results yet.

He has gone downhill very fast since admission and the staff have told us to expect the worse as he is very breathless, drowsy and weak.

I cant get my head around this at all as he was still working full time 3 weeks ago. I am numb, shocked and cant cry or get upset - although it is inside somewhere. I dont feel normal - should i be showing more upset?

I love him lots but it is all blocked up - if you know what i mean - i cant put it into words.

I just cant get my head around it, one minute he is a bit "under the weather" and the next minute he is stuggling like this - i cant bear it...........

[terriep]

Oh, dear, we do understand. It is really, really hard to wrap your head and your heart around this whole thing. Please stay with us for support, and know I will pray for your dad.

[Patkid]

Prayers, dear heart.

Pat and Brian

[annjael]

Oh yeah,,,it is so hard to get your head and your heart on the same track. It is a shock for sure, and it takes time to absorb all of this news. Just being there for your dad will help him, and you. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

Peace,

Annjael

[Don Wood]

There are many here, patients and loved ones, who can't bear it --- but we do, with lots of support. Welcome, and know that you are supported here by people who are walking the same journey, and understand. Don

[Donna G]

Hello and welcome. Yes those first weeks are very tough. being told you have cancer is like being hit by a frieght train. Sounds like you are as shocked as your Dad is. I suggest you use a tape recorder at Doctor appointments so you don't miss what is being said. Have they discussed a plan of care yet? Donna G

[nancy c]

I am very sorry and do think I know how you feel. The news takes us and we can't process it. I know your fear and I am praying for you and your father, and family. Be there for him and tell him you love him over and over again. Hang in there, he needs you. God bless, Nancy C

[LynneH]

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It's natural for our body to protect itself from feeling so much pain that we become overwhelmed. Your body may just be taking care of you right now.

Don offered excellent advice. Use the people on this site to help support you. Nancy hit the nail on the head - speak from your heart when talking to your Dad. Your Dad can gather strength from you.

Hang on,

Lynne

[MilliBr1]

Sorry to hear about your dad. I will be praying for him.

[gail p-m]

So sorry to hear about your father. It is a very tough time physically and emotionally for both of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Please keep us posted.

Gail p-m

[bunny]

aw, honey. I'm so sorry you're going through this, too. it is SO hard to get our brains around what is happening, because it's awful! it shouldn't happen, period. it does, though, as you know all too well right now. just keep showing up the way you are. I think you expressed yourself perfectly, I identified completely.

I agree with others, too - just speak your truth from your heart. let us support you.

prayers and love to you,

xoxo

amie

[shelliemacs]

wow! don't expect yourself to be "yourself" for a while. I remember when I found out my mom had LC and then 9 months later my dad had LC. I think your mind has taken you into a "protective mode" it sort of shuts down all the systems that can make you loose it and keeps you functioning on the basic level. It will take a bit to get yourself wrapped around the situation. dont think the worst yet. medicines can do wonders in just days. all is not lost and never think it is.

let them dx him and get a treatment plan in order, never stay with a dr. who wont fight for your dad.

[Maryanne]

Hi,

So sorry you had to find us, but we welcome you here.

Your emotions are very normal. Your feelings are like a roller coasted up and down. Your body has had a bad shock and it is out of wack of sorts. Eveything will come together for you. Just give it time.

Meanwhile, we are always here for you. Lean on us for support and prayers.

Sending your dad prayers and to you for strength to help him get through this. You must be strong. You can do this. I feel your pain. I wish there was something I could do to help ease your burden. It will lessen as your body and mind accept what is going on with your dad. Your emotions will straighten out, give it a litte more time.

LC is not a death sentence. It is treatable. There is living proof of that on this board. Tare care honey, and know that what you are going through is normal.

Maryanne

[Ann]

I am so sorry that your dear dad is ill and also sorry that you are so scared. This is the right place for you to be right now, as this board is a great source for information, comfort, support and lots of hugs and prayers. I can relate to your shock at the discovery of your dad's illness. I think that's the way it was for many of us. I know, in my case, that my husband was running his own business and was physically working about 14 hours a day. What we thought to be a merely a "bug" was diagnosed as small cell lung cancer with mets in the liver and spine. This news does indeed hit you like a speeding train....head on...with no warning it's approaching! Just take a little time to get your head together, gather information as needed and you'll be ready to be there for your dad and make it through this journey. I'm keeping you and your dad in my thoughts and prayers.

[Ladyintheglen]

I am so sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you and your family. What ever you are feeling is "normal". Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling this moment. When it is time for you to feel differently---you will. This is not the time to worry about if what you are feeling is "normal or right". We all go down this treacherous road in our own way. Sometimes it matches up with "normal" and sometimes it doesn't. Regardless of whether it matches or not---it is the right way for you.

Cheryl

[Calintay]

Everyone shows emotions in different ways. I was angry, scared, mad (at mom), and just about any other emotion. Going from all different ones in a matter of minutes. Prayers for your dad and your family!

[shineladysue]

I'm so sorry. I am a little late responding to this. I hope your Dad is better at this time. As for the numbness you feel, I think a part of it is the body's natural defense. We do what we have to do in the most difficult situations in life and sometimes all the feelings come flooding in later. Prayers being sent for you and your Dad.

Sue

[cindi o'h]

Glad you found this site. We can help walk you through this.

Cindi o'h

[Leslie221]

Everyone has shared such good information. Emotional shock will have the upper hand for a while.

My husband (who was the one shocked when I first got dx'd and nearly died) says having his brother fly out to be with him for the first couple of days made a huge difference. Also, he really spent a lot of time with the hospital staff treating me, especially the nurses, so he could get answers, get support, and at trust that I was getting great care.

Come here anytime you need us!

Leslie

[bronbear]

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. My dad was first diagnosed with lung cancer three years ago. The only reason we found out he had it was because he started having trouble with his hip and we thought he had arthritis or perhaps needed hip replacement. When X-rays showed that he had a bone tumor, we were stunned. Then, when the doctor told us that primary bone tumors were very rare and it had to have come from somewhere else, we were shocked. The diagnosis of lung cancer hit us all like a ton of bricks. You feel like the whole world has been pulled out from under you and life as you know it has changed forever. My dad was in remission for 2 1/2 years but it came back with a vengeance in February. Now we are dealing with the anger, pain and disbelief all over again so I know how you are feeling. God bless you and your family and I will say a prayer for both of you.