nancy c Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 This past Saturday Mike's son came in town. We did our usual Christmas get together. We released 6 helium ballons and we all wrote messages on the paper we attached to the balloons. We released them into the sky for Mike and my brother, Ron. I didn't realize how hard this weekend would be for me. I cried all morning Saturday, so by Saturday afternoon I was exhausted. We did our Christmas exchange with gifts, food and games. It was just not the same. I found myself not tolerating much. The kids were great..but by 8pm that nite..I wanted to be alone and cry. But, that was not to be. I did go to bed about 10pm..and cried. I hate this change. I could see in Mike's son that he was very down..his dad wasn't here and this is different now. I am so lonely for Mike, and I miss my brother so much. My mother was there..and seeing her hurt missing both of them also hurts me. I am trying to be strong..but I wish the holidays would just get over with. I have no joy in my heart right now. I know I will feel better tonite after I get some rest. I am thinking of all of you. You are in my prayers. Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 You had such a hard time. I feel so bad for you. Rest well, you need it. ((())) Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Nancy, we are hoping you get a really good night's rest. We are so sorry for how sad you are and are sending you lots of hugs and support. Many, prayers, friend. Love Bri and Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 I feel so very sad for you. I loved the picture of your husband and daughter dancing at her wedding. He had to be a special guy. He looks so handsome. They both look beautiful. I am so happy that he you and your daughter had that very special day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Oh Nancy,I will keep Ron,Mike and you in my prayers..I am sure they will be sending PENNIES your way.. (((((Nancy)))) Love, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Hi Nancy, I hope you are feeling better today. I felt so bad after reading your post. This holiday is not going to get better until it is over for you. The first of everything is so difficult. But Mike is with you in your heart and there he lives on. I know he is looking down upon you and feeling your pain. We are here for you. I wish I could give you a much needed hug in person. But all I can do is let you know that I am thinking of you and wishing you inner peace. The holidays will come and go quickly. Hang in there it will be over before you know it. I am so sorry that you feel so lost without your Mike. (((((((Nancy)))))) Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Nancy, Not many words I could say. Sending you love. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Nancy, I am wishing too....that the holidays would soon be over. Prayers for you, dear one. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Oh Nancy, I know how tough this is. I have no solutions, no insight, no wise words, just knowledge and sharing of your feelings. Be kind to yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 (((Nancy))) I know our losses were so different... But I've had similar feelings lately (and also was planning on doing the balloon thing! How cool!). In fact today my thought was something along the lines of, "Sometimes, I just HATE what my life looks like now." I know that sounds pessimistic, and I'm *not* pessimistic in general, but that is one of my real thoughts. Anyway... Here's another vote for getting these holidays over as fast as possible. I'm sorry you feel so sad. I hurt with you. love, Val Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LynneH Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Nancy, I am so sorry you are going through this hard time. If I were closer, we could just sit on the porch under blankets and just wait until it is January 2nd. Then we could crawl back out and see if life looked a little brighter. You have had such a double-whammy losing both Mike and your dear brother. Just try to hold on and squeeze through the next month. I'm hoping with you that the days fly by. Sending a big hug, Lynne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Dear Nancy, I read your post up to the end of the first paragraph shortly after you wrote it last night, but sadly, I had to stop for I knew I wasn't strong enough to get thru it. I'm sorry, especially since you have been so supportive of my & Bill's situation. I just wanted you to know how sad I am for you and how much I admire you and your strength. I think it is wonderful that you even were able to get out of bed and launch those balloons...I think Mike, and your brother, were with you all day long. My prayers will be with you that the week brings brighter days. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Nancy...I'm right there with you and Lynne and just think we should grab the covers up to our neck and stay put during the rest of this month. Everything I see, do, hear, or think of brings tears at this time of year. Honey, I just can't imagine how very hard it must be for you, as you losy Mike and your brother in such a short time. Just remember that I'm thinking of you, sending lots of hugs and saying lots of prayers. We'll all pull through this....together! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Nancy, I am also a member of the "Can't wait till the holidays are over" Club. I think part of the problem is at this time of year you are suppose to be joyous and happy and "spread glad tidings" yadda, yadda, yadda. And some of us just aren't there yet.... So, until we are.... lets just take each day, one at a time, and wish for January 2nd.... and as Ann said... we WILL pull through this together!!! Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted December 5, 2005 Author Share Posted December 5, 2005 ...you are all great angels. I know things will get better and take time. I feel for all of you too, who are experiencing the sadness of this season. God bless all of you. Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Nancy, I am sorry you are feeling the pain so acutely. I can remember being that way too not too long ago. As for the holiday's coming up, I know the first year after Randy died, I felt the same way too. The only way I got around the ba hum bug feeling was to remember what the holiday truely is for. It is not for shopping or getting sucked into what the businesses want our money for, it is for the birth of Christ. So don't feel obligated to fall into the commercialism trap. Remember what the real meaning is and follow your heart. It is just another day really. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Hugs, Nancy..I just don't what else to say. My dad died four years ago and the holidays are so different now. Lighting a candle for all of us! Love, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauriannessister Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 My sister told us it would be the best Christmas ever because it was Calem's first Christmas. It is very difficult, but we are trying. Hopefully you can find a way through the holiday season. I am so sorry for your losses this year. Hopefully good memories will help to pull you through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Nancy, I haven't responded here because I have never been in this situation, and I am always worried about posting in the grieving forum. I don't want to sound trite or patronizing, so I don't say anything. but you've been such a friend to me and everyone here in the face of such immeasurable grief, that I wanted to make sure you know I am on your team and think of you often. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cellar Door Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Nancy, Keep your head up, even a little. This is the most 'bitter' holiday season of my life. I can relate to everything you said in that scenario... except in my version, you are my sister-in-law, who lost my huband (her brother) but her husband as well (CNS lymphoma, 63). They died about 6 months apart. How my heart aches for her, and for you as well. She and Tom were best friends, I can only fathom the closeness you felt to your brother... When I would stress about an event...Tom always would cup my chin... and say. "If it has a beginning, it will have an end". Keep that in mind for the holidays. Enjoy as much as you can, but remember it will be over at some point and you will walk in your front door. I am proud you were able to even go. That in itself is showing your strength... Hugs, tissues... and a can of "Kid Be Gone".. Cellar Door Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 What gets me through the "joyful season" is remembering the reason behind the celebration. I focus on that and I find peace. Hoping you can, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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