Sis Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 The onc. has recommended that my sister's treatments be stopped. Her latest test results are very bad, and the chemo is ruining what little quality of life she has. My BIL called this eveing with this latest news. They are now discussing hospice. I still can't bring myself to say that word out loud. I simply CANNOT accept this news. I was told that if they continued treatments, it MAY prolong life a few months. With no treatments, she may only have days or weeks left. She is sleeping most of the time, and is completely exhausted from coughing. I haven't talked to my sister in over a week since she has been too weak and medicated (and the cough) to carry on a conversation. My BIL is hanging on by a thread, and since I hung up the phone, all I can do is cry uncontrollably. I know I need to get out to Colorado, but will someone please tell me... What do I do, what do I say when I get there? I know there are many of you out there who have been in this position. Can you give me any words of wisdom, or even hope? Sis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martha02 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Hi, I remember when The doc told us to call hospice for my mom I was in shock. I could not even say the word it made me sick to my stomac. I can tell you that they are the most caring people to help your sister and family get through this hard time. What can you do or say. I guess just be there for her, you will know what to say when you see her. I am so sorry you have to go through this. What an horrible disease taking our love ones. I hope she will hang on for a while. A prayer for you and your family. Martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I am so sorry to hear the news about your sister. Even though people cringe when they hear the word hospice, they have been such a help in making the person comfortable and for the support they give to the caretakers. Just be there for her as much as you can. That's all you can do as far as your sister goes. It seems more and more non smokers are getting this horrible disease lately. That's really scarey. No one is immuned to it. I am so sorry they could not help her any further. Say prayers for a miracle. We are always here for you 24/7. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I remember when the Dr. came to the hospital to tell my mom her brain tumors were rampant and there was nothing more he could do to help and used the H word. My mom had a stunned look on her face, a tear, and then we all just balled. It was me, my mom's bst friend, and my SF. We could not help it. I agree with everyone else, just be there. If you lose it, so be it. It is not the time to be strong, but to be there, holding her hand and loving her. I am so damn mad at this disease and sorry that this is the result of her enduring the chemo. I hope that you will have comfort knowing she tried to fight. Damn I'm sorry... I will pray for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Norfolk Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I am so sorry to hear your news. Just be there. You dont have to say anything or do anything, just be there and give her and your BIL your love and support. My thoughts are with you Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Sis,I am very sorry to hear this.I agree with the others,just be there and let everything take it's course. This is always a matter of choice that is hard to choose from.As the patient it is my choice to enjoy a little more quality time than to waste remaining time being sick,sick.The 3 month time frame seems to me to be be fairly accurate from what I have observed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Be with her and tell her you love her. Your heart will tell you the rest. I know how hard this is right now. Deb passed in the hospital cancer ward rather suddenly and somewhat unexpectedly. Make sure all paperwork for the end is near just in case. Debs will was unsigned on table next to her. Hold her hand, tell her how much you love her, and just share the good memories with her. If and when you need us we will be right here. THis is a very big turn in the road. PM if I can help with anything here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I so sorry for news! Just be there for your Family and tell your Sister how much you Love her. After we found out that my Dad was going to make it I just kept telling him how much I loved him,and how he was the best Father any Girl could have. Maybe it sounds crazy but I know he knew how much I Loved him. It Just made me feel better! Take care! Love, Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen, Daddy's girl Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 It's the little things that add up. Ask BIL to hold the phone for your Sis so you can say a quick "Hi". She doesn't have to say a word. Of course offer to do anything.. but make some specific offers...eg: mail order soup, make phone calls to family or church, arrive on Thursday or Saturday... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 My prayers are with all of you. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I am sorry. This is difficult but at the same time a time that all of your love for your sister will help you. Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Just get there. The rest will come to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I too had trouble with initiating hospice phone calls, but it really is how you can show that peace and comfort are what you want to give, and that is a good thing. Go there, know none of this is the end, as much as it feels like it is. I am really hurting for you right now, believe me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I am so sorry to hear it is time for hospice. It will be fine, just go - you will know what to do when you get there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 This is so hard, especially for the family. We all have to die, one way or another. Much depends on how your sister views death, if she's comfortable with it, even welcomes it, and is not afraid. She's probably discussed these issues openly at some point, if not with you, then with her husband -- I hope so. I think one can be comfortable with death, transition, or whatever term you prefer, regardless of what a person believes will happen after that event -- an afterlife as taught by various religions (with or without resurrection of the physical body), some form of reincarnation, or a simple merging of one's energy and matter into the cosmic universe. The fact that your sister cannot speak without uncontrolled coughing should not be a limitation. She will know you are there and, though medicated for pain, probably be aware of what's happening to a much greater degree than you think. If it were me instead of your sister, here's what I would like to happen: I would like to have my children with me, my granddaughter if possible, certainly my dear wife, and even my ex-wife if she's willing. I would expect there to be some tears, but hopefully not too many. I would LOVE there to be lots of laughter, reminiscing, funny stories -- not necessarily talking directly to me, but recalling and celebrating OUR life together over the years. I would NOT want to be told what a great person I am, or what a terrific father or husband I've been, because that would be stretching the truth. I would like to hear about the good times, some of the bad times, and a few of those embarrassing moments we all have. When all is said and done I would like to feel that my life, while flawed, has been worthwhile, and that the lives I have touched have been helped more than hindered by my presence. My sympathy and fondest Aloha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KerryToo Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Please do whatever it takes to just "be there". The Onc told us that my Mom would survive another few weeks, I had a flight out to see her within a week, and she died the night before I got there. What I would give to just have been there, to hug her, to tell her I loved her. But we had no idea it would go this quickly. Just go - and be there. I was worried about what I would say, and I can tell you that I have relived over and over what I would say or do 1000X in my thoughts/dreams. I would tell her I love her and touch her to let her know I was there. My best to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 I am so sorry to hear that your sister isn't doing well. I will be remembering both of you in my prayers. Don't worry about words. You and your sister will communicate with your hearts. If there are words to be said, those words will come to you when you need them. I( know how difficult this must all be for you. Stay strong and remember that you have many friends here that care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Be there for your sister, your BIL and for yourself. you won't regret it. You don't have to say anything, she will know and you will know. Hold her hand. Tell her how much you love her and why. when my mom was dying I played her favorite music, I talked to her, I laid on the bed with her. I told her I loved her over and over. I rubbed lotion on her hands and legs. Read to her. I am praying for you and your sister during this sad time. Praying for strength and courage for you and peace for your sister. k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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