missyk Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 And I SOOOO hate when it does!!! I look around me. I see people smiling and happy and "carefree" and I try SO hard to remember what it was like to NOT get tense the moment the phone rings at an odd hour of the day. I try to remember what it was like when I didn't think "this will be the last" whatever it may be. I try to remember what it was like to not plan only a few weeks at a time in advance but be able to say "Next year I think we should...". I love my mom and nothing is going to change that. Not this disease, especially. But I DO long for the time before "now" and "reality" and "this is how it is". I KNOW that her lifespan isn't going to be what I'd always imagined in my life and every so often it hits me. And then I panic. My mommy's my world, even now. I call her when good things happen, when bad things happen, when I need advice or when I just need to talk. Who am I going to call??? And then it rolls back to Sabrina. Nothing brings me to the brink of sanity like thinking about how it will effect Sabrina, to lose her grandma...the first person who held her and the most important (sometimes even more so than her father and I!!) person in her life. It crushes me. Ok, I know it's not my normal up-beat post...but we all have those times when it hits us. This is mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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