grammajay2000 Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I am new here. My son has small cell lung cancer. He is 47 and has never smoked. He is stage 3. I don't know what is coming. His wife has a muscle disease and we had to put her in a home. She is despondent and today he broke down and cried his heart out. He has always taken care of her. I think they are going to put him on iressa next. He has had 5 chemos. I don't know whether to bring her home and take care of both of them or what to do. Sorry I'm a mess here. Jay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I'm so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart just reading it. I wish I could give you some magic advice. All I can say is that you will find wonderful support here even though we may not have the answers you need. I hope your son can get on an anti-depressant. I am praying for all of you and sending hope and wishes your way. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Dear Jay, You certainly have a very full plate right now, but I hope this wonderful site of caring and knowledge will help you with this journey. I am a little confused right now. Usually small cell is not treated with Iressa nor is it staged with numbers. Small cell is usually limited or extensive. I don't know how one person, without full time help, could possibly take care of both your son and his wife. It is important that the caregiver stay strong and healthy or you will be no good to either. Welcome again and keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brm1949 Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Sorry that you had to find us here but you have found a good place for info and support. You are bound to find someone with similar circumstances and will find plenty of compassion and support and some answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Hi Jay , hope we can be of some help to you and your family. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Jay, I hope the Iressa does its thing for your son. It has been a miracle drug for many on here holding their cancer stable for a long time. I am so sorry for you situation. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Jay I too wish there was something I could say that would help. I hope that you can find the support you need on this message board - the people here will make the journey you are on just a little bit easier. Wishing you all the best Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Jay Welcome. I know none of us really want to be here, but since we have the need, this is one of the greatests places on the web to be for support and answers. Perhaps one of the hospital or onc social workers can be of some help to you as you try to figure out what to do about your situation. My onc office has social workers, and I think many do. My heart goes out to you. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Wow! Jay, you really do have a very full plate. It doesn't sound like a good idea for you to try to take care of both of them, though. Just the fact that you are thinking about trying tells me you are a caring and very strong person and you will be able to deal with all of this just fine. I know it won't be easy, but just the fact that you're here looking for help shows you are in the fight to win. Hang on tight. I don't know if anyone on here has exactly the same situation as you, but there are plenty of us who have situations that seem insurmountable, but we get through them with the help of everyone here, our families, friends, and God. Please keep us posted how you and your son/daughter-in-law are doing. God bless you, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Jay, Im glad that you found us. It sounds like your son has been dealt a rough deck of cards. Hes going through so much. It will help a great deal that you have found this site. Stick with us... we will help... I promise... Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DollyPardonMe Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I'm so sorry to hear about your son's cancer and please know you have come to the best site on the internet for questions and caring people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grammajay2000 Posted July 24, 2004 Author Share Posted July 24, 2004 Ginny Dee Maybe I misunderstood the dr., Maybe he said non sm cell, I will definity find out tues when he goes in for blood work. I don't understand a lot of the terms yet . I know when he came home from pittsburgh, they said 6 months and we have 4 in of those 6. I didn't tell him that thou. He stays with me nights and eats here. Thanks for your support (all of you) Jay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Hi, Jay, and welcome to the forum here. I'm glad you found us, and I hope you will let us know from time to time what we can do for you in support and information. My wife also has NSCLC, Stage IV, and was given 9 months. She is now 21 months out and doing pretty well right now. She also was a non-smoker. Keep hope in your heart. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valerie Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Jay – welcome . I’m sorry to hear about your son and daughter-inlaw but I’m so glad you have come to join our forum! I know you will feel right at home . I have not been here very long and already feel part of this wonderful family . Your family is in our prayers Val Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Welcome Jay, I know you must feel helpless in this situation as does your son and daughter in law. I agree that it is too much to take on the care of two people that have a lot of medical needs. Be there for your son as you are and maybe having him come to live with you may help. I too think you should see someone from the oncologist office for help as they will know where to direct you. I am so glad you have come here for support as it is the best site on the net as far as I am concerned for support, help, information and love of an extended family that really cares. You are all in my prayers. God Bless You All, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Welcome Jay, This must be so terribly hard for you and the family, especially your son. I agree with the people who think it would be too much for you to look after both your son and daughter-in-law at the moment. When you go to the oncologist, ask as many questions as you can and either take a note-book or a recorder, (if the oncologist doesn't mind you recording the session,) otherwise you will get so overwhelmed with everything. One of my daughter's made me a special calendar for Oncologists appointments and my other daughter copied out a list of medications which my husband takes,( which we always take along to doctors appointments,) both those things helped tremendously. Once a plan of treatment is arranged you may be able to make decisions as to what to do about your daughter-in-law. Love and prayers to you all, Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Jay, I am glad you found this site. No one really wants to be here but if you or a family member has lung cancer its the best place on the net to be. I can't offer any suggestions except to tell you that many of us are still kicking and feeling good after months and months...some years. The statistics are just that...numbers. You son is an individual and the numbers do not necessarily apply to him. I will add you to my prayer list and hope that what ever decision you make about caring for the two of them is one you can handle...maybe if you could get some home health care to help you. Some insurances will cover home help. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Welcome Jay, I am sorry your family has been dealt such a lousy hand with these diseases. This is a great bunch of people for warm caring and support. I am glad you found us. XOXOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Welcome to the family, Jay. My advice would be baby steps, small bites of this big pill you've been given to swallow. Don't offer to "do it all" right now, work into what you can handle in regards to how many people you can care for at one time. Right now, your daughter-in-law is in the care of professionals. Take your son to visit when you can, but don't set yourself up for failure and hard feelings.. Just my two cents...or buck and a quarter, inflation, ya know.. Take care, and hang on. The ride is really bumpy... Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Welcome Jay, First, let me say how sorry I am to hear about your son and his wife's illnesses. I agree with the rest of the gang that you should not try to take everything on at once. Can you get other family members/friends involved? Sometimes I think others are so anxious to help, but we are so determined to be totally self-reliant that we send out the wrong message. Once we started accepting a bit of help, it was truly amazing. Everyone said how much it helped THEM! People feel so helpless when someone they care about is dx with cancer, that this gives them a way to do something. Reach out to us too - we'll be there for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dougwilson Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Please excuse me, I am new here, and still try figure out how to use all the options on this GREAT site. WoW, I was surprised to see so many responses since I firts logged in. I truly wish I knew what the magic Bullet might be, which would totaly remove Cancer from it's victims. I am VERY confident, somewhere in our future, that Magic Bullet will be discovered. It seems everyday I here of some NEW treament being tested. My Cancer was NSC in my right lung, and the same in my Brain Tumor. I was a volunteer to try The Chemo Drug, Carboplatin when it first acme out. The best any of us can do for a Cancer patient is to Help them in anyway we can. We cannot help them medicaly, but we CAN help them emotionly., but the down turn of that is, those who have not had Cancer hit them, cannot in any way realize what the patience is going through, but you still have to try. Watch for Depression setting in your loved one, that's a Killer, Their Doctor can control that with medication. All Cancer patients, in their subconcahnce believe they are going to die an ugly death. They also feel the are going to loose all their loved ones, and have deep concerns about that.. These are major emotional problems which must be delt with, both for the Cancer Victims and their loved ones. I believe, we have to somehow convince the Cancer Victim, that Cancer does NOT necessaryly mean ultimate death. We have to somehow instill in there minds that they CAN beat this. The human body has a wonderful sense of survival instinct within. When I was first diagnosed, I just knew I was going to die, I went into deep depression, and mentally prepared myself for death. Out of nowhere friends rallied to help me, both emotionaly and financially. One of my friends who I had not seen in many years, and he had a Deep Faith in our Lord, came to see me, Prayed with me, and gave my wife some money for food. God Bless You David Ebert, You conviced me That I can beat this Devil. I was operated on to remove my Brain Tumor first, while being wheeled into the Operating I kissed all my Family Goodbye and my Priest was giving me my last rights. I accepted the fact, THIS IT For Sure ! Much later in the day, thought I was hearing my wonderful wife talking to me, which made me open my eyes and realizing I was in the Recovery room, and ALIVE, I just broke down in tears. The next day I was back on my feet. No Pain, able to function OK, but still a little fuzzy . That same day my Neurologist and my my family came to my Beside and said the Brain Tumor was sucessfuly removed, but to expect some disabilities from it, which was too soon to determine, he then went on to say that as a precaution I was going to get Chemotherapy and Radiation to the brain, to kill any Cancer Cells which might have remained . As it turned out the only disability I noticed was my Long Time Memory, and some coordination, both minor.. THANK YOU LORD and the SURGEON for saving me. By dumb luck my Lung Tumor was regressing. After about 6 months it began to enlarge again . My Oncologist decided it was time to remove that tumor. OK I said, let's do it to it.. I went into surgery shortly therafter, in a much better frame of mind. The tumor was removed and a small part of the upper lobe on that lung. Follwed by more Chemotherapy and Radiation to the lung. Eventually I was released from the Cancer Center and was able to come home. ( was not in very good shape ) Couldn't do anything and still very sick from the Chemo & Radiation treatments. My wife had to get a Hospital bed put in our living room for me, as I couldn't walk the steps to our Bedroom on the second floor,. It wasn't until about 3 weeks later I was able to walk a little, and continued to improve.. I then had to go back to the Cancer Center for weeky Chemo and Radiation Treatments. About 40 of each I think. Eventually I was told all signs of Cancer were gone. I still get annual check ups with my Oncologist , but so far all is well... Here I am today, Cancer FREE, placed on Social Security Disability, and only working Part Time. Just no longer have the stamina to work like I used to.! I SAY AGAIN, MORE PEOPLE SURVIVE CANCER THAN DIE FROM IT! YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS IF YOU MENTALY BELIVE THAT. ! I beleave the Good Lord saved me for a reason, I believe that reason was so I could HELP others ! Doug Wilson wa3znp@lycos.com 185 Orchard Avenue Emsworth, PA 15202 (7 miles west of Pittsburgh) wa3znp@lycos,com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Jay, I sounds a little strange to me. For one thing most people w/ SCLC have smoked. Another is that SCLC usually responds well to chemo - did he ever get at least one response to chemo? Is the cancer still stage III or has it progressed? If the cancer has not progressed, maybe it is an indolent form of cancer like a carcinoid. These don't respond well to chemo but have neuroendocrine features that sometimes make them look like SCLC. Just seems a little strange. I am not a Dr, my mom had a rare neuroendocrine carcinoma and that is why I know a little about this. I would get a 2nd opinion. Also there are a number of trials that are available. Phase III are usually the best to check first but you have to decide if a random blind is something you want to avoid. At least if it is a random blind then if there is progression you should make sure you wil be able to change trials. Take care John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Jay, I sounds a little strange to me. For one thing most people w/ SCLC have smoked. Another is that SCLC usually responds well to chemo - did he ever get at least one response to chemo? Is the cancer still stage III or has it progressed? If the cancer has not progressed, maybe it is an indolent form of cancer like a carcinoid. These don't respond well to chemo but have neuroendocrine features that sometimes make them look like SCLC. Just seems a little strange. I am not a Dr, my mom had a rare neuroendocrine carcinoma and that is why I know a little about this. I would get a 2nd opinion. Also there are a number of trials that are available. Phase III are usually the best to check first but you have to decide if a random blind is something you want to avoid. At least if it is a random blind then if there is progression you should make sure you wil be able to change trials. Take care John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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