I haven't been anywhere near your shoes. # 1 I'm a daughter, not a spouse, and # 2 I've been so far away from Mom through most her fight so far (I will finally be out there with her in about 3 weeks!), but I have felt a lot of anger too. I get angry at people who don't seem to care and either don't think to ask how Mom is, or do and then make it sound like she just has a cold or something. I get mad at people who say stupid things about smoking. I get mad at people who make it sound like this is a death sentence. Pretty much, unless you can approach me about this issue with absolute perfection... well and issues about Navy deployments... and having a newborn... and my other 'ands' I feel like I want to bite your head off. I get frustrated because sometimes I feel just stuck out here... unable to help other than calling every day and sometimes it just seems that annoys Mom more than anything (and I can understand that too).
The other thing I feel is weird jealousy. I mean crazy, sick, demented jealousy. I'm jealous of people who have breast cancer because they have better chances than Mom. We have a friend here who is dealing with Stage IV Pancreatic cancer... And I'm sick enough to be jealous of him and his wife because his prognosis was five YEARS AND he is tolerating chemo really well and having great days. Mom hasn't had a good day since October. I hate that. It's such an ugly part of me.
So I guess I say all this to tell you that it sounds normal to me. I think this disease twists us all into unrecognizable versions of ourselves at some points. I know we all process it differently. For me sometimes it's easier to just be pissed off than sad, though I've felt plenty of both at times.
It sounds as if you've got plenty to be angry about... Dealing with all that stuff. And I'm sure you HAVE done beautifully working through it all even though I know at times you probably felt like you were limping your way through or a mess. But if you didn't feel angry about it at some point, I think I'd be more worried about THAT.
I would say something that I would think sounds wise like, "Let yourself feel what you need to." But I can't because I can't figure out what healthy emotions look like right now for anything. So I guess I will just say that I hear you and I'm angry too.