I sure feel your pain, Tracy! Most days I'm able to stick my head in the sand and ignore the pink elephant in the room. Other days the elephant is standing on my chest and I can't think about anything else.
I don't know how much time I've got left, but whatever time that is, I don't want to waste it by worrying about things that I can't control. For the first time in my life I got a prescription for sleeping pills to help on those nights that the bad thoughts escape from that part of my brain that tries to keep them in check. During the day I try to keep my mind occupied at all times so the bad thoughts can't creep in. I don't always succeed, unfortunately, but I have many more good days than bad days.
I hope you're feeling better today and good luck trying to keep the demons in place.
Hugs,
Trish