MomsGirl

I am so very sorry to hear of your sister. I have two sisters and I cannot imagine what you are going through. I pray that your little one brings you much comfort and joy, however bittersweet. He will help you heal as time goes on... Sending thoughts and prayers your way...

I so want to believe in this. When my mom was in the ambulance on the way to hospice, she was in a state of near-unconsciousness and her lucidity was almost non-existent. My sister Deb was with her, and with her eyes closed, my mom said softly , "Only one more string of lights until I'm with them.." Deb said "Who, Mom?" and my mom said "My parents, they're waiting for me..." Then she stopped breathing..temporarily. She lived another few days in an unconscious state, but I can't help but wonder what she saw. Her dad died when he was 46 from a brain tumor, and she mourned and missed him the rest of her life - she was a daddy's girl. It gave me some comfort that she might be reunited with him. Sometimes when I'm driving I'll just look up at the sky and cry and say "Are you there? Somewhere?" It all just seems so final, I pray that she has an afterlife instead of nothingness. She DESERVED a wonderful afterlife, so I try so hard to believe that she is out there somewhere. Maybe this is why I don't go to church as much as I should...

Kim, it's so good to hear from you again. I was wondering how you were doing after the holidays...

So very, very sorry to hear of your beloved dad. My thoughts are with you...

So true. God how I miss hearing her voice and her telling me, "I love you, honey." I try to tell myself we were all blessed, for however too short a time. Nick, I've said it before, but I can only hope my sons love and respect me so openly later in life as much as you do your mom...she was a lucky woman. Not to say that boys don't show their love to their moms, but you know what I mean... You should take some comfort in what a good son you were to her...it's all a mom hopes for in life.

Almost seven months for my mom. It gets harder, why is that... Hugs....

Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry. But I think what you are experiencing is so normal - I remember posting here six months ago the same thing, that I would wake up every day feeling sick with a huge heaviness in my soul, but I couldn't cry. Waking up was the hardest part of the day, when reality enters your world again. I would just lay in bed and stare out the window with dry eyes, but with such an emptiness and pain in my heart. I would certainly find someone to talk to if you need it. Grief is something you can't rush, though, and as everyone here told me, it will often come in waves, when you least expect it. We're here if you need us.

Grace, I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight...

I "met" Dave Grant on another website support group which he moderated...the first time I ever posted, my mom had just been diagnosed and I was overwhelmed with the horrible statistics of SCLC, etc. Dave posted immediately and gave me hope...his attitude was unbelievable and although he spent half of his time very ill from treatment, etc, he made the most of the rest of his time. He was always saying things like, "It's not easy (the effects of treatment), but the alternative is not an option." He wanted to live his life and enjoy it, and he did, all the while providing support and hope to others. He was such a fighter. He beat this beast back for years. God bless, Dave...

Val, Yes, it makes sense. The whole thing about a "new normal". I think I appear to everyone to be pretty much the same person, but on the inside I have changed so much. I'm afraid of death, I'm afraid of the rest of my life without my mom, I'm sick that my kids will never see her another day in their lives. Every milestone, every happy and sad occassion - it's all wrapped up in thoughts of her. I went to the Pottery Barn outlet today to buy bedding for my almost 4-year-old daughter Rebecca, for her first "big girl" room...I found the most beautiful feminine girly bedding, and I thought about my mom and I was crying in the damn quilt section . Rebecca is my only daughter and I so wanted to share all the special daughter stuff with my mom. I know you can relate.. My husband lost his mom 10 days after we got married, and I remember him telling me a few years later that there is just this hole, this emptiness, that never goes away, like you've lost a limb or something. A part of you is gone with her. Yes, you go on and it gets better, but it's never the same. At the time I could not remotely imagine that, but now I'm living it too. So no, none of this sounds strange... Thinking of you and sending a hug...

You're an inspiration, Randy, so comforting to others on this board. Thinking of you and, in a way, glad the day is over for you....

This IS a very interesting topic. I'm not sure how I feel about it...in the middle, I suppose. I think grieving can be such an individual thing, just like anything else in life. People handle things differently. However, I do admire you, Don, for having such a positive outlook on things...it really did get me thinking. Thanks for that post!

Frankly, Kathleen, I too am a very sentimental person and everyone knows it...so I would be devastated and angry as well if that happened to me. I think this is one of the harder aspects of dealing with the loss. I was (and am) a wreck over my mom's "stuff". My sisters also cleaned out my mom's toiletries when I was not there, but it was on my dad's request when they happened to be there...and later on they shared things with me. Everything else we've done, we have done together...her clothes, the Christmas decorations, the jewelry, etc. I have to say, I think what your sister did was very petty. And as was mentioned before, it's incredible how a loss like this can bring out the bad side in family members. All the feelings, good or bad, come right to the surface. I'm sorry you have to go through this, I feel your pain.

Lisa, I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like your mom was a brave and wonderful woman, and I know how unfair this disease is. And I so relate to your confusion and your shock of what happened so fast when she seemed okay - small cell lung cancer is famous for that and I experienced the same thing with my mom. One month her PET scan was clear and the next month she was gone. It came back with a vengeance, pleural effusion and all. I didn't see the signs either toward the end...I mourn the fact that I didn't know how bad she was (I thought there was still hope) and I didn't take advantage of lucidity while it was there. And when the doctor broke the news that there was no hope and recommended hospice, he gave her weeks, maybe months. But she was gone in a few days. Just writing all this makes me cry, for you and for all of us. But you know what, you were there for her...and she knew it. I know she felt your loving presence. You're in my prayers tonight...

I am so, so very sorry to hear about your beloved mom. Your post could mirror mine from six months ago when I lost my mom. I was amazed at the fact that I couldn't cry very much, that I just felt numb and kind of sick a lot in the weeks and months following. It's a defense mechanism that kicks in... I feel your pain and anger so much...losing your best friend and mom is the hardest thing a daughter will ever endure. There are a lot of us on this board, and I hope that when you need it you can log on and vent or get support. I know it helps me in some of my darkest hours. Again, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, we are here when you need us...

Nancy- I'm so sorry you are going through this. My dad keeps mentioning selling the house now that Mom is gone and it's like a knife in my heart. Yet there's a knife in my heart every time I go there and she is not waiting at the door for me, and I have to go in and be surrounded by the essence of her, in every stick of furniture and every picture on the wall. Does that make sense? Sorry, I digress. I know what you mean, it will ALWAYS be a family house...

Jackie, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you and your mom had a very loving relationship and she was a wonderful person. Just hang in there and take strength from your beautiful babies and their unconditional love for you...

Betty, I am so VERY sorry to hear of your sister Charlotte's passing. I have two sisters who are also my friends, and I cannot imagine facing that when the time comes. There is a special bond between sisters that strengthens as life marches on, as we endure so many of life's happy and sad times together. You have my sympathy and prayers...

I totally get it, Val. And like you said, I cry over the cards we DON'T get anymore. Today was rough, my mom always sent cards to my kids with little stickers, and when we'd see her she always had little Valentine gifts (even for me - still!) My birthday was so hard, getting a card from only my dad. He's been really good at remembering cards, bless his heart, but the thought and love my mom put into every little holiday or occassion...all the little cards and gifts and expressions of affection...oh, how I miss that... Happy V. Day and and hugs.

Val, I can't believe you actually made me laugh on this board...the Applebee's sentiment was priceless. I think we're on to something, everyone... I agree that the outpouring of love and support is so important at those times...I guess I just look at it all so differently now...

I am so very sorry to hear about your dear Jim...

Hey all- Went to look for a sympathy card tonight for a friend, and realized that I look at these cards through new eyes now. All the ones I used to buy and I thought were so profound and comforting that said "May your memories comfort you and bring you peace" and "How blessed you were to have this person", etc...I realize now that when you lose someone you love deeply, initially the memories bring you great pain. And you are pissed off that they are gone, you're not really thinking about the blessing of having had them. Yes, of course these sentiments in the card will hopefully come to fruition for the person...like WAY down the road...but when grief is raw, you aren't thinking that way. Instead I picked out a card that simply let him know we were thinking of him and sharing in his sorrow...much like the sentiments expressed on this board when someone posts about a loss. I love that people are so honest and really understand how it feels here - it's so comforting sometimes. Just some thoughts.

Erin, Your post broke my heart. I'm so sorry about your mom and your feelings of loss. I just hit the six-month mark and posted about how much harder it seems to be getting. It's getting to the point where it's not about how long I've been without her, it's more about facing the rest of my LIFE without her. Looking forward rather than back, and that's where it's so hard. It's so very unfair.... I'm sending warm thoughts your way...

Oh, you guys, I can so relate. All of your stories made me feel more normal. I've had so many things happen in the last six months with my kids, that I would have been right on the phone with my mom to discuss. As I posted before, my three-year-old daughter got pneumonia recently and ended up hospitalized for two days. The morning she was sent to the ER, she'd been coughing all night and she just looked funny when she woke up. Something about her breathing. I had just gone to the doctor the day before with her and they sent her home saying it was just a "virus". When she looked bad the next morning I so wanted to call my mom and seek her advice, then I realized I knew what she would say already. "GO WITH YOUR GUT. Take her in. Even if you feel stupid, just do it." So I did, and it was the doctors that ended up with egg on their faces, they sent her right to the ER. My mom had been right many times before when it came to the kids' illnesses. A few years ago I finally put down all of my medical dictionaries and stopped surfing the net for advice, and listened to HER. As Nick said, your mom is still with you in some ways - her influence will forever remain. But I totally relate to you missing her and not being able to share or consult or anything...it plain sucks. Good luck with your new job...keep us updated, and hang in there...

I can't believe it's been six months since my mom left this world. I went to the cemetery and just stared at her grave in disbelief yet again. I told her how my son (and her favorite boy in the whole world - God, how they loved each other, they were soulmates)..how he had his first loose tooth and how huge he was getting. And how my baby boy Conor has started smiling and cooing every time I look at him, and how if she were here she wouldn't be able to resist just kissing and nuzzling his neck and chubby legs. I told her about my 3-year-old daughter looking up in the sky every day and talking about her ("It's snowin'! Nana has a giant snowglobe an' she's sprinklin' snow on us from heaven!") I thought of how in her last days, so weak and with only a little fuzz on her head from the chemo(she was so tiny, only 4' 11") - how my sister Deb helped her out of bed to sit in the chair next to her hospital bed - my mom could barely open her eyes at that point. My sister always joked when she helped her out of bed "Are you ready to dance with me, Mom?" and that particular time my mom mumbled "A last dance"..and then she just leaned into my sister like a little child and put her head on Deb's shoulder, eyes shut tight. I'd NEVER seen my strong and vibrant mom in such a vulnerable and sad moment...it will stay with me forever. My dad said it seems like yesterday she died, and to me it feels like a lifetime. I go into my closet and get out the Estee Lauder powder she's worn since I was a little girl - one whiff of that and she seems near to me. I'm so sad we all have to be on this board. I'm so sad that I don't have a mom anymore to talk to and to love and to share my children with. Well, the baby is crying and motherhood calls. I guess that's what it's all about...I only hope I can be half as good a mother as she was...