MomsGirl

I agree with Katie, be gentle with yourself. You were doing exactly what your mom or any mom would have wanted...being a wonderful mother yourself. We all have regrets about how time was spent, things unsaid...I think that is natural in the process of grieving. I'm just sorry you have to be going through this at all.. Thinking of you tonight...

Heather - I am so glad you are going to talk to your pastor. You need someone to talk to - you have been through an unimaginable year of pain and I hate to see you beat yourself up. We are all human, and sometimes we can only take so much. Feeling that pain is what MAKES us human, and you obviously had great love for your mom and dad and took amazing care of them. Please keep checking in...

I can't believe it's been a year either. I loved his posts, he always seemed so kind and happy and caring. I'm so sorry...

I know, I really do...

First let me say that I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved mom. I really know how you feel, and I'm just so sorry. I remember those first several months, catching myself when I would think I need to tell her something. It's like a knife in your heart. A "new normal" as people on this board have said before...but not a normal we ever dreamed of. Sending comforting thoughts your way tonight...

Missy, you are so brave. And Xavier positively glows, you can see it in the picture. What a gift - don't think for a minute your mom didn't have something to do with him. I believe with my whole heart that my Conor was sent to me for a reason. I'm sorry you are going through medical issues with him, and yes, it is so hard when you are staying home and your husband is working long hours, the baby is sick and you just miss your mom. It shows such depth and maturity to acknowledge the stuff with your husband will blow over - I have learned that marriage really is a rollercoaster, and you guys are under a ton of pressure right now to boot. Hang in there, you are awesome...

Teri, I can't believe that, I really can't. What a brave, thoughtful, loving guy. That's like something you see in a movie and think never happens in the real world. My heart breaks for you..you were so blessed to have him for a husband. Everytime you write about him I wish I could have known him. Hang in there...

Hi Pat, Okay, we were meant for each other. We are just finishing our basement and it will have a big bedroom and full bath for you...my three kids need a nana desperately, and it sounds like you would really fit the bill...my house is a mess and I would welcome someone to help me clean it! ...we love dogs but I am too busy with kids to get one right now....and I have two wonderful sisters, thus giving you THREE loving daughters...although we all might be a little old to be your daughters, but that's just a number, right? How 'bout it? All kidding aside, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I haven't posted in a while but your post inspired to me to write. I can't imagine the grief you are feeling missing your husband. Sending you hugs and happy thoughts...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious mom. Thoughts and prayers going out to you this night...

Yes, Nanci, so true. Once you suffer a loss, you know more what to say and do for someone who is going through it. I know that I feel so much more isolated in the rare times I do reach out (like I'll say something on e-mail to a good friend about missing my mom), and then I get zero or very little response or acknowledgment. I know my friends might be uncomfortable or not know what to say, but sometimes I actually wish they would say, "I'm so, so sorry about what you're feeling now..." and/or "Why don't I make some time and we'll go to a movie or something?" Or whatever. Sometimes you just need some empathy. Thanks so much for your post, my thoughts and prayers are going out to you tonight....

Hey everyone...sorry I've been scarce lately. I've been keeping up on everyone, and thinking of everyone, crying, commiserating, (and sometimes laughing) with everyone's posts, and sometimes responding. But I just have this feeling that maybe I've said it all and I don't want to burden everyone with my repetitive thoughts...does anyone ever feel that way? I sit down to write and then I think - does anyone really want to read this? It's nothing at all to do with this wonderful and supportive group, it's just me, worn out with it all I guess. Also, I'm just so in denial these days - I'm in my second year without Mom and I find that it's easier to force thoughts of her not being here right out of my mind. It's the reality that she is gone FOREVER that is setting in, and the pain is so deep. The baby she never got to see, who was kicking me when she died and who she was so excited to meet...that baby is turning one on Wednesday and we are having party on Saturday. She would have been so excited, so in love with him. He is a devilish, adorable little boy - she had a weak spot for that. It's been a hard week - my birthday was Friday and Mom's birthday is today, and we always had a little celebration together. I know I've told this story before, but when I was born, my mom brought me home from the hospital on her 30th birthday, and she always told me that I was "the best present she ever got!" That always made my heart swell. And another Thanksgiving coming up...haven't even started to think about that, much less another Christmas without her. So I took the kids to the cemetery today and Mom's plain white stone was decked out already - my sisters had gone yesterday. It's always kind of our way of bucking the system since Mom is in Arlington National Cemetery and they have very strict policies. There are all these very stoic matching gravestones and then there's my mom's - I walked up today and there were cards, flowers, a teddy bear and a balloon, like a clown car had just driven by and thrown a bunch of stuff out the window. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. After I added the kids' cards they had made, some photos and more flowers, you could barely see the stone. I'm sure the grounds people were cursing us as we left. It's kind of funny, I recieved one of those silly e-mail quizzes from a friend yesterday, with the "What's your favorite food" type questions, and one of the questions was "Where is the one place you want to be right now?" All of my friends answered things like "the beach", "the movies", etc...and I thought, those are lucky people that haven't lost their parents yet...b/c the first think that popped into my mind was, I want to be with my mom. I want to be handing her Conor and hugging her..and that's what I wrote. Needless to say, I think I put a bit of a downer on that fun and cute internet quiz...sorry, friends... So Happy Birthday, Mom, I wish you were here so we could celebrate our special day together. And now it would have been you, me and little Conor celebrating. The kids miss you, we all miss you. Seventy-one years ago today a bright light entered this world, destined to bless many lives. You live on in our hearts.

I am so very sorry...

Val, what a great idea. Four years ago on All Saint's Day (and my birthday), my only daughter was christened Rebecca Dianne (Dianne was my mom's name) in a beautiful old church. My most treasured pictures are of my mom holding Rebecca in her arms in front of the altar, with a big banner in the background showing a sparkling angel, a cross, the date (11/2/03) and "Rebecca Dianne" in huge letters. We went home that day and had a triple celebration...Rebecca's Christening, my birthday and my mom's birthday (11/5). It was a wonderful day with my mother and my daughter. I remember thinking that I must file this cherished memory away for that long, long time in the future when my mom is no longer on this earth...I never dreamed it would happen so soon... So yes, on Sunday I will say a special prayer for my beautiful mom Dianne...

Bobby, I'm so sorry about your beloved sister. I have two sisters of my own and I cannot imagine how you are feeling... I think what you are going through is typical and normal - somehow you just go into this holding pattern afterward, it's like your body and mind protecting itself from the enormity of it all. I know that I cried a lot more during the time of my mom's diagnosis than I did in the weeks after her passing. I posted the same thing you did, about not being able to cry that much, and having a sense of numbness. I will agree with others that six months or so is when things got a bit harder. There are stages and levels to your grief, and no way to really predict how you feel from one day to the next. As others have said, be gentle with yourself and let it come and go at will... I'm so very sorry and sending hugs to you...

Dear Candy, I could have written your e-mail one year ago. My mom got sick in January 2006 and was gone by late July 2006...seven months. In the end it happened so very fast. I was due to give birth on her 70th birthday, which she never made it to (11/5/06). You are in such a vulnerable state to begin with being pregnant, then to have to deal with something so shattering - I'm so sorry. What can I tell you - I want to say it gets all better, but that wouldn't be true. I can tell you that your frame of mind will change. I think you will eventually transition to more memories of your mom as you knew her. I didn't really believe that when I was in the first year, but it happened. I stopped having bad dreams of her being sick and she became more like her old self in my mind as time passed. Yes, that brings a new kind of pain, missing her in that other life, her pre-LC life...but it's better than only thinking of her in sickness... I haven't posted in a long time about myself, because I am in a weird place emotionally that I can't really describe right now...but I wanted to let you know I know exactly how you are feeling right now, I know. I hope that your new baby brings you the joy mine brought me. I pray that you are so wrapped in caring for that little miracle that he or she fills a little bit of that empty space in your heart. Makes you realize that life will go on, and that your mom wouldn't want it any other way. I know it hurts so bad, I am thinking of you tonight and sending hugs your way...

YES! A girl. Another little piece of your mom's soul will enter this world soon....

Amen, Nick, amen.

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers going out to you today...

It does utterly stink. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, bless his soul...

Donna, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious mom...

Tina, I'm so sorry. May he rest in eternal peace...

As Nick said, I remember so much of this too. I posted here soon after I lost my mom, and said I was numb and I wasn't really crying. You go on autopilot. It's kind of a blessing, I realize now. I think that I just couldn't let that part of mind and heart out of the little cage I had locked it in. I know how much you miss her right now, the immediacy of your loss, the loss to your kids. Just the every day-ness of her being in this world. Let your kids comfort you, they will say the wisest things for such little people. They have no "filters" and they are so innocent still, so they say what's in their hearts and heads. Sometimes it may be a little blunt and painful, but mostly it will bring you some comfort, albeit tinged with some tears. I am so sorry you are going through this, I can only say that we are here and we know what you are going through...

(((Kim))) I'm so sorry...

Melinda, The one-year mark is such a hard one...it continues to be surreal and it brings all that pain back. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know how much you miss your mom... Thoughts and prayers to you... PS - I always apologize when I don't post for a while, and then I realize that I never think badly of anyone else when they post after being away for a while. Sometimes life intervenes, things get crazy (I can speak up for that one)...or, we need to withdraw a little to regroup and nurse our emotions. To deal with whatever stage we have hit...or frankly, just to take a break. Everyone here is so wonderfully understanding no matter what...

Teri, such a profound passage. And so incredibly true. It must have been hard to read that with him...yet what an amazing man to have you do it. I'm so touched.