Tami Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 it's funny isn't it when I was first diagnosed I promised myself that I would appreciate my life more. Not take so much for granted. You know the little things in life, my kids and just being able to see another day. Well I've been in a no treatment status for over two years now and I feel like I've fallen back in that same old rut again or I go overboard and make a big deal with things that are not really that important. I used to dislike birthdays, well my birthday actually. The idea of getting older and everything that goes with it was not something that I was looking forward too. All of a sudden those close to me we hinting that it was inappropriate to "act young" now. I was too old to rollerblade now, definately too old to wear my short cut-off shorts, couldn't wear my short skirts to work any more and I certainly should take that silly belly button ring out! Then "the big C" came into my life. I was alone with my kids to take care of and it was very difficult. I was diagnosed as a stage 4 and originally inoperable. They pretty much told me to get my life together... I was afraid I wouldn't see my kids grow or have the gift of anymore birthdays. Well as you might have guessed Today is my birthday and I'm stuggling again. My kids are going with their father tonight so they will not be at home with me and my new husband and I have been having some "issues" and he has informed me that my b-day and Christmas are out this year because he doesn't want to spend any money and I'm working my 2nd job tonight so I will not even see him. I had the option of taking the night off but he would rather we didn't see each other so that I can make the extra money. It's not that I'm looking for a big gift or anything that's irrelevant.. but it makes me sad to know that I have no one to share the day with. A day I truely believed that I wouldn't even have... Then I start to realize how silly I am to make such a big deal out of such a little thing and I should just go back to the days when I didn't like the thought of celebrating being another year OLDER! Sorry to vent and ramble on but I was reading some postings about Lance Armstrongs book and how it takes the mind and the soul longer to heal. That is so true.. I want to savor what life still has in store for me and not take for granted all the things that I have been given but at the same time not live everyday with the thought in my mind that everything could fall apart tomorrow. Which for me seems to be a difficult balance to achieve. I hope to read Lance's book and gain some insight into how he manages to achieve a balance. I hope that I can also get there some day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAnn Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Tami, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down today. Sounds like you have every reason to. Please know that your friends HERE are with you and send lots of Happy Birthday wishes your way! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I think a lot of people get depressed on their b-day and reflect back. Try to have a happy birthday and more important, try to just have happy days. You deserve it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMI!!!! Yes it IS a BIG DEAL! Your here and your cancer FREE! Sadly enough no one knows how that feels but US!!! (((((TAMI))))))) No, I honestly don't wish cancer on anyone, but sometimes it is an eye opener. Are you kidding me? Get on with your life?? Do they want to trade SHOES with you??? ((((((TAMI))))) I'll bet there are many of us that would throw our shoes in that pile! Trust me, I'm being NICE HERE!! Not meant for you, but to the others that don't seem to think your a BIG DEAL! I think your a HUGE DEAL and I think you should CELEBRATE your Birthday. And I think your a WONDERFUL person, and I think EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT! Kind of like the fact that November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month, and NO ONE seems to know that either! Well Birthday Girl, your a BIG THING TO US! I'm sorry your feeling sad today, I'm sorry your husband wants you to work tonight, I'm sorry your kids won't be with you, I'm sorry No one seems to think your human. I would celebrate your B-day with you if I lived closer to you! But, all I can offer is a post on the LCSC Board, along with a few Cyber Hugs! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TAMI))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love & Hugs from your Friend, One who cares about YOU!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyr Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Tami, Your birthday IS a big deal. I hope this next year is a healthy, happy one for you. I, too would love to celebrate your day with you if I could! Please know that we are all thinking of you and are so glad you are here to celebrate another birthday. They are precious birthdays to all of us. Take care my friend! CathyR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Tami, I think what you are feeling is normal for someone who has been through what we've been through. There is no one who has not had this happen who can even imagine the agony that goes with a cancer diagnosis. I don't know how long you've been battling this diagnosis, but I think that until many years pass, it is inevitable that we will all have days where we feel really down because of it. In my case, I was elated on my birthday this year because last year I was in the middle of chemo and spent my birthday not feeling very well at all. I was 49 this year and everybody was teasing me about the big 50 next year and all I could say was, "I can't wait!" But, we really need to celebrate the little things--birthdays, holidays, a nice day, and on and on, because whether we've had our life threatened or not, this is the way we should be living, enjoying all the days we have on this earth. It's certainly understandable that you feel down sometimes, though, and I hope you start feeling better soon. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Tami, Christmas and birthdays really aren't about the presents, they are about the love... Time together would have been a gift easily "afforded" by someone with no money to spend and so many other little things that could have added together to make the day special. I'm sorry your kids were away with their father and you didn't have that bit of family/life connection and that the other person in your life saw more fit for you to punch a timeclock then to enjoy having you all alone with no interruptions. I hope that your birthday holds some happy surprises for you yet, and that next year is SO much better for you! May you begin a lifetime of good health and happiness (or the groundwork thereof) on your birthday. Enjoy every moment of "you", even if you are the only person involved in the little celebrations. You deserve to be happy and to get on with the business of living! Happy birthday, Tami. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Happy Birthday Tami !!! Hugs, sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Awwwwww, Tami, your birthday IS a big deal. It's the day that God gave you life. I'm sorry that you will be working instead of spending the evening with your hubby and kids. All I ever ask for my birthday is that my hubby have no plans and we just spend the evening watching a movie at home with the kids or something like that. Sending you "virtual popcorn" and the movie "Steel Magnolias". (I have a feeling that you are a Steel Magnolia) Hope you have a great birthday. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hebbie Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I am so sorry you are having such a down day on "your" day! I used to worry about getting older and feel "ugh..." on my birthdays, especially after I hit the dreaded 30 But....since cancer entered my life -- I find reason to CELEBRATE those milestones!!! We made it to another year! When I was diagnosed at 33, I wasn't even sure I would see 34......a few months ago I celebrated 35, and believe me, I made a BIG, BIG deal of it! I planned my own party -- I invited my immediate family and best friend to celebrate with me at the best restaurant in town. I had a glass of champaigne, and ate everything I felt like eating (a big deal for me!). I toasted MYSELF for having the opportunity to live another year with the people I love!!! Please don't let anyone (including yourself) make you feel like you are not worth celebrating -- and like Becky said, it's not about the gifts or the money -- it's about being surrounded by those that love you. I'm so sorry that you and your husband are having "issues", and I do recall your previous post awhile back that spelled them out.....I hope they are resolved quickly and that your Christmas will be a much more joyous occasion for you. Thoughts are with you, Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Tami, Sending you many hugs and birthday wishes. You are special - celebrate! Love and hugs, Nancy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annjael Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 ((((((((((HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMI)))))))))) and many more to come!!!!! You are a survivor! Go out there and seize the day. No matter how you end up spending it,,,,,it is still your day!! Peace and blessings Annjael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Tami, "IT'S YA BIRTHDAY! IT'S YA BIRTHDAY! IT'S YA PARTY!! CElEBRATE IT!!! Poo on everyone. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to having your nais done, a massage, a new outfit, a mini bithdaycake or a big one. Don't let those inconsiderate sour puses spoil your day. I want to help you celebrat another year of life! HIP HIP HURRAY for TAMI!!! Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Tami, I am wishing you the happiest of birthdays.... I am sorry you had to work this evening, that hardly seems fair!! But, another way to look at it is, thank god you are able to work huh? I hope the day was better than you thought it would be..... We are all thinking of you!!! Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Happy birthday, Tami. All of us here think it IS a big deal. You've made it to another one! Sounds to me like too much emphasis on money and not enough on individuals and family. You need to find ways to celebrate these events for yourself even if others don't want to be involved. It is important to celebrate these milestones. Hey, I'm 70 and I celebrate every birthday -- each one is an accomplishment and a time for reflection and the excitement of new challenges. Happy birthday, dear Tami! Happy birthday to you! Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeR Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Happy Birthday Tami! Your birthday is a special day and you should celebrate! You don't have to spend lots of money to enjoy the day but you do deserve to be happy on your birthday. Hope the day was better then you anticipated. HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I wish you many many more. DianeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Happy Birthday Tami, I am just sitting here wondering why your not doing the roller blade now but I cant decide if you should do it at work or wake up your husband roller blade around the house when you get home. Happy spirits to you. God Bless Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Hey Tami, Happy Birthday. I hear what you're saying and I understand. You are important and don't ever let anyone make you feel any less than that. Take a deep breath, tomorrow will be better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I say this from the bottom of my heart! Happy Birthday Tami! Birthdays have always been special for our family... we pick our favorite dinner...watch the shows we want to watch on TV...maybe even go out. A present is an added bonus if we get one. Cards are always nice, especially hand made ones. I am so sorry your having trouble at home right now. This is a time to rejoice and I hope that soon you can do just that. I wish you many more birthdays and hope that they turn out better for you than this one. You are a precious gift and each day is special. Celebrate your year in your mind. You are alive! That is a wonderful present. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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