jcawork Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I am so upset I can hardly type. I am suicidal and feel hopeless. I can't even stand being in my skin. WBR & Cyber knife, pelvic rad and Tarveca planned.Repeat MRI of my head tommarow. My onco doesn't want to bother w/ IV chemo, pretty much said why bother. I am unsure if I can handle doing more tx, for why? Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Jen, I am so sorry and can't even begin to understand how you feel right now. Know that we are thinking about you and are hoping that things turn for the better soon. As everyone here says, miracles do happen! Sending prayers your way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen-I am new to this post--but my prayers are with you. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!FIGHT_FIGHT_FIGHT!!!!! god bless you, Nancy c. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen, Jen, please honey try to change your attitude as you are worrying us. I feel so helpless here, I wish there was something I can do. I cannot begin to know your pain, physically and mentally. You really sound like you are at the end of your rope. But please hang on. You have such a beautiful family there. I know you are getting so much support from them. Let us know exactly what is going on? Please keep looking toward tomorrow, as there are positive changes happening every day. Things will change for you, you just have to have hope. DO NOT GIVE UP!! Sending extra prayers to you for strength to carry on and sending a little comfort fairy to sit on your shoulder to help take off the burden. I am so sorry for all your pain. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen, Words are so feeble. Please know that we care about your pain, fear, and emotions. We are sending all possible strength and prayer. Jen, Hang On. Jen, We honestly care about you! Love, Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen i am so very sorry to hear your bad new's but i do not remember the person who said this but i hope once you get over the shock and disapointment that you will raise up and say i have not yet began to fight...You will be in my prayer's... Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 You know I know how you feel...as do others here. When I got word mine was back....I slept for three days. Jen....sleep, cry, drink a bottle of wine a day....do what you have to for a couple of days...and then put your "mental boxing gloves" back on...and fight! Oh yeah...and find every d*mn thing you can to laugh or smile about. That's what I did and after three chemos I'm 50% or more reduced from the cancer that was in my guts! If the pelvic cancer is on your ovary..ask about Topotecan. It's used first line for ovarian cancer...and since it's also now used, second line, for lung cancer it might do you some real good. Honey...I'll be emailing you. I just started chemo again today and this is the first I've checked the boards since earlier today. But take a couple/three days to absorb the shock of this...and then suit up and go after it. OF COURSE it's worth it. You've got hubby and those five beautiful kids, not to mention others you love/who love you AND your own reasons for continuing to battle this thing! My onco doesn't want to bother w/ IV chemo, pretty much said why bother. I am unsure if I can handle doing more tx, for why? For why? Because giving in to the alternative...at this point....isn't the answer. You still have some youth and some health on your side, Jen...despite the cancer...and you have the strength to fight this again. Eat organic, even partially doing this might help. Do some positive imagery. Keep working on giving up the smokes...as best you can. Be careful with your wine consumption. Get massages. Listen to calming music. Doing things in moderation...and doing some things to make you laugh AND relax all helps and cannot hurt. Believe, sweetie. Believe you can beat this or at least beat it back for a long while. Each day I say to myself...that other than being bald and more tired and having a port and having to go for chemo...my life is NOT all that different. I'm not in any pain...I can still do a lot of what I used to do...and some days, I have a built in excuse for planting my butt on the sofa and knitting all day cuz I'm too weary to do more. But I love to sit and knit...so how bad is that? (Did I just admit that somedays I goldbrick a bit...and let hubby cook when I'd be more than able to? ) Enough for now. Don't you give up. I'll be in touch with you...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen I don't know what to say either and I can't begin to understand what you're feeling right now. You must be in such shock. I just can't imagine. But I do understand what it's like to have a great husband and several kids. I know when the shock wears off a bit, you will have that fight back in you. For now, I can just send hugs and many prayers. I will keep the prayers coming. Gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I'm so concerned about you. Please read your e-mail. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen, Just responded about the MRI contrast. Needed a few minutes to respond to this.... I know how you feel. I've been through the recurrence/mets business several times. Talk about having your heart hit the floor... You CAN handle this latest set back. You have to give yourself time to adjust to this. And Jen, your children are looking to you right now, watching how YOU handle this devastating news. And they will carry what they learn from you and your actions with them. It will be the benchmark they use for the way they handle a crisis in their own lives someday. As parents of young people we don't always get to indulge in the luxury of being totally self centered. And Suicide is the ultimate in self indulgence. You can handle this because you must. For them. Please. I am so sorry that you have to handle any of this. I wish to God none of it had ever happened to you, or Addie, or me, or Frank, or Nancy B., or any of the Melanies, or David C., and the list is too, too, too, too long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 My prayers are with you, Jen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Dear Jen, Like everyone else, I am so upset for you right now. Everything Addie and Fay and the others wrote is all so true. You will have 2-3 days of being really bummed out about this, but you will feel better about continuing to fight after that. That's just about how long it takes to get over the bad news so many of us get from time to time. Please hang in there, sweetie. Don't give up. We love you. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen-I just got on here tonight after work. I hate this!! I DO know how you feel, I have been there and have been told it's back. It takes some time for that jolt to let up. YOU are a strong person, I know by the way you talk and what you have been thru. YOU WILL do what it takes, there is no reason to give up yet. There ARE things they can still do. Yes, one thing they can give you is TIME, that is all any of us can ask for. Since my diag. I have had several friends and relatives die from car accidents, heart attacks, etc. They never had the chance to keep fighting for time. We do! CALL ME TOMORROW, I should be home all morning. If I do not hear from you I WILL be calling you!! Love ya Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Botley Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Dear Jen, Just a note to let you know that we are thinking and praying for you! Please give yourself some time then forge onward, do the best you can, love yourself, love your family and friends, and take it one day at a time but do not give up! We are here for you! Blessings, Botley & Mother Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Dear Jen Don't think too negative...you still have a treatment plan so dont give up so soon...you have your loved ones / family and friends around you. Keep fighting as cancer shouldn't take away your happiness. We are here support you and stand by you. Dont give up, okay? Your family needs you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melaniem Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Dear Jen, You don't know me but I have kept up w/you and your story. My own story is not so hot this week. I think I am absolutely the personna of the blind leading the blind here, but I will hold your hand if you will let me. And you can hold mine because I am scared too. We need each other and maybe we can walk this road together. I don't know yu but even in my own pain I love you and hurt for you. Melanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K and Kids Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen, I just wanted add my post to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through right now but please know that there are many people here rooting for you and praying hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Good morning, Jen, Still thinking about you and your wonderful family. Hang in there and hopefully the new day will give you renewed hope. Love Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I responded to your post in General. I also want to ditto EVERYTHING Addie said above. please read my post in general and don't give up, don't give in. Love, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I'm with Addie on this one -- especially the wine part! This just really ticks me off -- this disease just grabs us by the short hairs now and then, and won't let go. Well, we are humans, by golly -- we do have some capacity to fight back, and you've got plenty of what it takes to do just that. I'm sure you're devastated right now, as anyone would be, so I hope you can have a few days to soak all this in and gather your resolve for your future. Yes, your future. You DO have one of those. And no one knows that yours will be any more or less than their own. So, go for it. Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Jen - Please hang in there and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finster Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Jen, I sure hate hearing this news. But please keep up the fight. I wish you nothing but the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharKats Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Jen, I am so sorry to hear about this and I can truly say I know exactly how you feel. I was given a resounding NED - looks like long term survivor and then a month later it was oh, you've got mets to your brain. I remember feeling like I was just spiraling down to the bottom of a deep well and wasn't sure I wanted to come up again. It just throws you into dispair for a while. But with my friends and family's encouragement and prayers, I decided I had nothing to lose by getting back up out of that bottomless hole and not letting the beast win - not win yet anyway. And he's not going to win by my not fighting - he'll have to play fair. I don't know if these analogies make much sense right now but I really did have to work hard emotionally and mentally to get back in a "good" place and push away the fear, anger and disappointment. I'll be praying for you and I am sending you a big cyber hug of encouragement. God bless you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Jen, Sending prayers and vibes your way. Keep fighting. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Geez Jen. Hang in there girl. That post was a couple days ago. By now, I am hoping that the shock has worn off and you are up with your fightin' mitts on. You are one of the gutziest I know. Do whatever it takes to keep going. You know from reading here how many success stories that there are....how many seemingly hopeless cases turn around and get to "brag" for years afterwards how they kicked lc's butt! Get up and get on with it. Jen, you CAN do this. You are a DO-er! Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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