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missing Mike

nancy c

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:cry: I know losing Mike is still very recent. He died June 21st--but the week of the funeral and his death are a blur. I don't know how I got thru those days without my 3 adult children to lead me around thru visitation and the funeral. My pain in my heart hurts so much, and I can't seem to even think there will be life for me without him. I know I must go on--but after a day a work I cry in the car on the way home--because I'm not going home to him. He's gone. He's not coming home. And this hurts me so much. I know he was very sick and was ready to go. But I feel so empty and the kids are great; but I have that emptiness of not having him here for me. I know this will be less painful eventually--but I am having a hard time dealing with the daily crying and sense of anxiety of him not being here. sorry for rambling on. God bless,NancyC
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Dear Nancy,

:cry::cry: I can't even imagine your pain. It hurts me to the depths of my soul to even think about it. I'm just so terribly sorry you are having to go through this.

I'm sending you the biggest, loving cyberhug that you can imagine.


May God be with you!



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Oh Nancy, do I remember those deep sobbing crys driving home for work, or driving anywhere. The horrible feeling of coming into an empty house. For months I would call out 'Hi hon, I'm home" when I came in the door. And it was the first time I ever understood the term 'broken heart' because I really do feel like my heart is twisting.

Nancy, it does get easier, not easy, but easier. I still cry or fill up every day. It is still unbelievable that I will never see him again.

We all handle it in a different way. I stay busy, some would say obnoxiously busy. Do what you have to do, knowing that time is merciful. Don talks about the new normal after lc comes into your life, there is also the new normal for those of us who have lost someone to lc.

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Nancy (and Ginny too),

Your posts just made me plain break down and cry. I CANNOT imagine coming in the door without my DH here for me. I can feel your broken hearts. I understand the crying on the way home - not to the depths that you can - just because I think that is how it would be for me. Ginny, I would be doing the same thing as you - calling out that I was home - only to nobody :cry:.

Different members here have said it becomes easier. I guess over time it does. But Nancy, all I can do is let you know I feel so sorry and wish for you the passage of time to help.

My heart hurts for you so.



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Nancy, I definitely remember that "blur" and admit there are some things that I don't even remember. There have been things I have heard the boys talk about and wonder where I was??? I think God gives us that ability to put our bodies in a "shock" mode so we can deal with thee things and get through making the tough decisions. Like you and Ginny, I have also experienced those drive home blues and have shed a million tears in my car. I fell very close to Dennis when I'm in my car, as we spent so much time traveling in it during those months of treatment in Orlando. I know you've heard all the suggestions for filling the void...and most don't work. I did find that the best thing was having a really good friend to totally pour my heart out to..day or night. She was always there to listen and I really used her ears...shoulder...and heart!!! Also, I used to write letters to Dennis (still so sometimes) just so I could feel I was communicating. That helped me a lot! Honey, I definitely know just what you are going through and want you to know that I am always here to listen. Keeping you in my prayers!!!!

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(((((Nancy))))) I have been where you are, almost 4 yrs ago. My husband was the same age as yours. The numbness finally wore off, realization that he was gone set in. It takes alot of physical and mental energy to grieve. Take one day at a time, breathe, and please remember to eat. Eating is so important for the energy level you will need. What you are going through is part of the process of grief. I believe, that one really needs to go through it, to successfully get to the other side, to be able to be whole again. I still miss Bill and I cry. Don't be hard on yourself, or let others rush you through the process, or give you time tables. I have found it doesn't work that way. Grief is very personal, and different for every each of us. It does get easier, really. My prayers go out to you, for help in your journey, and that you find peace.



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There is no road map for grief. For each of us it is different. Unfortunately, there is no way to get through it easily. Forge ahead, embrace your emotions, and know that people are thinking of you and sending you love and strength during your next stage of this cancer journey. Mirrell

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There is nothing that can be said that you don't already know. Just understand that there are many of us here that know what you are going through as we too have been there.

I know when Randy died, I cried rivers of tears for many long days. I can't remember when I stopped crying every day but it has been almost two years now, and I still cry for him even though I have started moving on with my life.

I have a new man in my life that has been so supportive and understanding that there are days I still cry for Randy. As he said, Randy was a hugh part of my life for so long, that if I didn't cry about him he would think something was wrong.

Each of us will travel this path at a different pace but it is a path we travel.

In time the pain eases but it never goes away. I am glad you are posting still as I too found this site to be a life saver. There are just somethings you can't talk to your kids about but here, anything goes.

May God hold you close and may you feel His comforting hands holding you.

Much love,


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This is the hard side of deep love, isn't it? You will make it one day at a time. I know deep inside you know that, but this is probably the most overwhelming pain you'll ever feel and it is so rough.

I found a couple of websites that might keep your mind occupied and give relief when missing Mike is worst. Hope there is some help there for you like there is here.



Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it. ~Albert Smith

You're in my thoughts,


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Nancy, I don't know exactly how you feel because we all handle this differently. However, I can relate to the tears in the car (and the shower is a good place too). I do know that you are feeling so much pain, it feels truly physical.

I just finished attending a 6-week Grief seminar that was sponsored by one of our Cancer Centers. I remember the counselor telling us something that made sense to me. When something triggers a crying spell for Mike (a picture, a smell, a room, nothing, etc.), that it is not the trigger that is creating your tears. Those tears are already built up inside you and the trigger is helping you get the tears out of your heart. Personally, I think it works that way so we have room to stockpile some more! I keep thinking that the body has to run out of tears sooner or later.

It's hard to believe that crying is supposed to be good, but "they" say we have to go through this sadness to emerge healthier on the other side. Sounds like exercise to me, where it has to hurt to improve. Don't know who came up with this crummy system.

If I find something that may be of value to you in the material from the Grief seminar, I will pass along.

I feel so sad for you but know that I am thinking about you every day.


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Thanks to all of you for your responses. At least I don't think I'm losing my mind with all this crying. I know things will get better--it's just hard to believe. I am only 49 and i think I am way too young to be a widow. But in the back of my mind--I can't imagine ever loving any one else like I loved Mike. Miracles happen-so who knows. I'm just also sad at the thought of being without someone the rest of my life. Mike and I had a great marriage. Thanks for all your support. God bless, this site is a piece of heaven for me,Nancy C

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When my husband, Tom, died in 1993, a wonderful confidant assured me that grief lingered because I was not just mourning MEMORIES, but


That helped me.

Nancy, I hope it helps you, too. I am so sorry for all the unlived tomorrows.

Lots of love and hugs


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