Ladyintheglen Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Hello all, I just thought I'd give you an update. Jake went through the Gamma Knife surgery very well. He even smiled and joked until the medication they gave him wore off. Then it was back to I'm an evil wicked b**ch. I've tried leaving him notes when I go to work (I can't talk to him) telling him that I love him but he told me to stop leaving them because they agravate him and make him madder. Yes, he is on Decadron but only 2 mg. He is having definite seizures now and the dr. has put him on dilantin. No driving now. Jake feels that I am in a conspiracy against him along with his dr.'s, friends and the minister. He can't stand it if someone asks how I am doing. After all, he is the one with the cancer. Jake refused to talk to his best friend last night because his friend called and when I answered the phone he asked how I was doing. That's all she wrote...now his friend is against him. I don't understand why no one can be concerned about me. God, I wish this anger would end! I have decided that I am not going to get upset and cry when he goes into his bouts of rage. It seems the more I cry the more fuel he gets and just keeps hitting below the belt. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Cheryl, this must be very hard for you in so many ways. The only advice I would have is to call his doctor and explain what is happening in detail. It is such a small dose of decadron, I would request an explanation of this behavior it possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Cheryl, Is this normal behavior for him? If he has always been abusive and mean, don't look for a change because he's "sick". He's feeling a loss of control and is trying to control you even more... BUT, if this is not normal behavior for him, talk to his doctor, talk to YOUR doctor about something to help YOU through and find a good counselor. In fact, either way, find a good counselor. If he's usually a mean S.O.B., you'll have some real guilt issues to work through because he's a travel agent for guilt trips. You have no reason to feel guilty, but you will. Good luck to you and wisdom in the decision of how many cans of WhoopAss to open. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Cheryl, Better find out what drug Jake was taking when he had the Gamma knife,(smiled and joked) and ask the doctor if Jake could have some to reverse the decadron swing nasty moods. Jake is not in charge of his sickness anymore so he tries to be in charge of your life and making you miserable will keep him happy. You could still leave notes, BLANK ones when you go to work and let him ponder what he is missing. Such behavior on 2mg of Decadron needs a root somewhere it is too excessive to blame only the medication. Is he more abusive when you are alone with him or if he shows his bad side in front of people also, this could give you the answer you need to start looking for a good counselor. Cheryl, don't wait any longer, think of yourself, your needs are important. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Cheryl, I tend to agree with what others wrote, 2mg of decadron is a small dosage. But... everyone reacts different to medication. I myself have a very low tolerance to any type of drug and maybe your husband is the same way. I would think this is not his "normal" behavior, or you would not be writing us about it.... again, callt he docs... be diligent in the fact that your husband needs something to counteract the affects of whats happening with him. I am sure if your husband knew the hurt he was causing, he would be devastated. Could it be that his brain tumor is causing these affects??? Please know I am praying for you. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Does your clinic, or doctor have a therapist he could refer you and your husband to. Some clinics have either social workers with degrees in psychology who work with families dealing with cancer. My problem was crying- sobbing at the drop of a hat and my doctor refered me (and also put me on an antidepressent) You grieve with this diagnosis. There are 4 stages of grieving-denial, anger, depression, acceptance. Sometimes we need help to "progress". Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Dearest Cheryl, You've gotten great advice and I just want to reiterate to please call his doc. Please take care of YOU, ok. I am so sorry for what is happening... God bless you, Cheryl Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 There is nothing wrong and everything right with people asking you how you are doing. That is very proper and very sensitive of them. You husband is definitely having mental problems and his doctor needs to be aware of this. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Oh Cheryl... How painful and scary for you. He just sounds so angry... and with good reason. I wonder if it isn't a little bit natural anger, and a little bit decadron? No advice except know that you ARE doing a good job. Just hanging in there and continuing to put one foot in front of the other is a huge accomplishment. I know how much this must hurt you, and I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Cheryl, What a horrible trial for you. We all care for you, and want to know how you are doing. I have no genius words for you. Just know that we care. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Cheryl: I hope you find away to deal with your situation. It is ...very unpleasnt for you, I know. I think the others before me have given good advice about talking to the doctor....perhaps counsleing. You and you husband have my fervent wishes for happy times. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 How I feel for you. This Decadon stuff really is horrible. It seems that it turns people into not themselves at all. Please, please try to remember that. This is not him speaking. It is the drugs. Your love will endure always. I Pray that God will guide you and be with you always. ((())) God bless you. Let us know how you feel, and what's going on. I care. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladyintheglen Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 Hello all, Thank you for all of your support. It really helps. I am trying so hard to do something (anything) right and nothing is good enough. You are letting me know that I am doing it right. Thank you. I did speak to 2 of his dr.'s. They sent a social worker to speak to me and she gave me information on battered women. I didn't need that. I have a plan in place for in case things become physical. I need some medication to help my husband calm down. They don't seem to hear me. They said that I'm not alone in this and that many wives go through this. I don't understand why they wouldn't try to get him to take some meds to help. In the mean time I just keep saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way." and dying bit by bit in my soul. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Cheryl... I wish I could just come SHAKE those social workers! I'm so sorry they didn't help you more... I will be praying for you... I wish there was something more I could do. love, Val Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Dear Cheryl, How very sad. The social workers didnt help so you need to persue other types of help. Watching your loved one suffer through cancer is punishment enough! You seem to be an easy target for him as he knows how much you love him and takes his anger out on you, probably not knowing what to do with it or how to channel it. What ever the case may be, get the help you need. If you try in one place and it doesnt work, dont stop until you get the help you need and hopfully he gets the help he needs to deal with this and understand that it is not just "all about him" you are suffering too. I pray for you both! God bless you both, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Cheryl, Thinking and praying about your situation. As Jane said, pursue other avenues for help. God bless you, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Cheryl, Sounds like you are getting the run-around from your medical team. You have every right to get help with this problem. Contact your insurance company - on the web first, because it's so frustrating going through all the recordings on the phone and you don't need that frustration. They usually have some kind of case management person who helps coordinate all sorts of things for patients and their families with cancer. When I was first dx'd, I had a gal call me once a week to just talk and help me solve problems. Maybe your doctor doesn't understand how serious this problem is and that he needs to really help you! Make him understand! In the meantime, here are two websites I found that might give you some help and referrals to other sites. Hope help comes for you very soon! Leslie http://www.acponline.org/public/h_care/2-caregv.htm#b http://www.angermgmt.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Cheryll: I am sorry the doctors don't understand. I guess that shows that they don't know much about personality changes one can go through while suffering from lung cancer. Maybe an oncology social worker would be up to speed on this stuff and can help you and your husband. I hope you get some relief soon. My insurance company had a case mangagement person too. I never took advantage of her services, but maybe you could try that too? Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I don't really have much to add. Cheryl, I feel for you. I do hope you know that it is the medication and the situation. I can tell how much you love your husband and I need to tell you that he loves you too. Even if you can't always tell. You are doing an amazing job as his caregiver. Please take care of yourself. You are carrying your husband right now, and you will never regret that. Mirrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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