rvillella Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 It seems like we live in constant fear that the next time we see the Oncologist or the Surgeon they are going to give us the bad news. But then what do we do? We don't seem to react the same as we did the first time. We have already gone through some of the worst times in our lives so what is left? I work myself up before every visit and normally I get the NED sign. But this time was different and I really didn't get upset, or scared or really feel any emotion. I talked calmly to the ONC and we discussed what needed to be done now and I went on my way to get it all set up. Not that I have the cancer back just that I am in a limbo status until I get the results back from the scans. Every time I get a pain around my chest, or I get a headache I wonder is it coming back? I guess I am just fumbling with the fact that a nodule was found and I am worried. Ralph Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 I pray that all is well and that your scans continue to be NED. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Ralph, Deb and I always lived by the old credo, Prepare for the worst and pray for the best. That was all we could do, and when we got good news we always had a little celebration after the visit. And the next time was the same way. Sending PRayers for NED and that the little nodule is nothing to worry about!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Ralph, you are a very normal survivor. Anxiety about the next scan, report, treatment always seems to creep in. Lucie, my wife, did not relax from that until the 4th year. Accepting what we can't control is part of moving forward. God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I wish you peace. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Hi Ralph, I can truly appreciate and sympathize with the anxiety you feel about test results. In my case, it seems to get harder and harder each time -- both with the scan itself and then with the waiting for results. I guess its the loss of control that drives me nuts. Grrrrrrr. I guess all I can say is don't waste today worrying about information you won't have for a while yet. Rent a Monty Python movie or an Austin Powers movie and spend some time today just laughing out loud! Works for me. Good luck with the tests and I'm praying for good results. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Urgh. I am so so sorry to read this. I know what you mean about living in that constant fear. I am trying to turn it all over to God, but it is just so hard to do. I keep wondering if I can do this. I wonder how we actually make it from one to the next. I am thinking about you! Blessings, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Ralph, Test time and Onc appointments can be terrifying and stressful. Every ache, pain, twinge, cough or itch gets my guard up. My mind is constantly teetering between sanity and peace. Fear is always within. How I react to good or bad news depends on the day. I initially had a scare of reoccurence and was devastated. I could hardly breath, think, move, or talk when the doctor told me. Thankfully it was a scare. When I did actually have a reoccurence later, I was eerily calm and just wanted to know what the next step was in the fight. Last set of scans I had, I was meaner than the devil for a week, until I got results. I could hardly stand myself! I try to remind myself every day that thankfully we are being monitored closely so if the cancer spreads, it will caught early. I find comfort in that (even if I sound a little crazy too). Ralph, please know that your ups and downs are normal. I sincerely hope that the nodule is just a blip and nothing more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I am sure that many other survivors out there have felt this way often. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 I know JUST HOW YOU FEEL! As do all of us that are walking in your shoes. We just wait for that other damn shoe to drop. But, truth is, it really does get easier and more and more exceptable the longer survivor we become. Your still in the early stages, and trust me, we ALL have that feeling of "oh my God I got a pimple, is it cancer?" We don't laugh at that, we honestly have fear of every little and big thing being cancer. It's HORRIBLE! It gets better though! For one thing our major fear is because none of us really wants to die! It's scary looking death in the eye. It scares the HELL out of me! I went through being a caregiver for my mom, dad, sister and tons of friends who were lc cancer survivors, and after going through this with so many of them, I honestly thought I knew just how they felt, and that I too felt there fear. WRONG! Then I crossed over on THIS SIDE OF THE FENCE, being the Lung Cancer Survivor! What a REALITY CHECK I HAD! It's true when they say, "Until you walked in my shoes you don't know what it's like". And I know just how fearful you are feeling right now with that damn nodule. ((((((RALPH))))))) Hang in there buddy, we'll do our best to walk the walk with you. Your NOT ALONE and I DO feel your fear and understand your anxiety. Try very hard to think POSITIVE! This too shall pass! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryAnna Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Ralph, I am very sorry to hear about your news. I will pray for you. GOD Bless MaryAnna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Ralph,sometimes it is not always something bad there.I have had scares befor that don't always turn out to be the worst case fears.There are times that show up and are not cancer. Keeping crossed finger and toes that all is ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Hi Ralph: I did not go in such a tailspin when I found out about my 3rd cancer. I just did about what you said. I found out what had to be done and did it. For me, I try to enjoy my life in between scans. But last week I had a headache about 4 days in a row. The last day I took 4 aspirin and 2 ibuprofen over the course of the day and it did not go away. Then I started to descend into a what if mode thinking about brain mets. Then I noticed that my nose had been runny all day. I considered that I had a sinus headache. So, I took an antihistamine and the headache went away. I had a more cheerful day after that. I hope the nodule turns out be nothing. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernrol Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Ralph, We all have those feelings. When I start to think that way I remember a bible verse and weather you are a believer or not this just makes good sense: MATHEW 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Stay positive, Ernie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blaze100 Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Hi Ralph, Sometimes these spots come and go and you just have to wait it out. Prayers for good scan results this week Ralph. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
golden275 Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Ralph, even after 5 years I occasionally still get fearful and can't wait for the visit to be over. I feel like whatever you're going to tell me, just tell me and let me go home. However, it does get better. After the 2nd or 3rd year I started to feel it was just a check up and a waste of my time to be there. I had better things to do than sit in a doctor's office. Maybe I've just seen too many doctors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Ralph, I received my diagnosis over the phone and a fog dropped over my brain...it was surreal. A dozen days of fear and anxiety while waiting on surgery, the pain of the surgery and recovery and I thought I was through the worst of it - until my first trip to the oncologist. My surgeon had told me it was stage I, MAYBE stage II. My first trip to the oncologist was a blow, I was stage III! I never had a symptom, had just been very sick with viral pneumonia and BAM! Stage III cancer...LUNG cancer. I never expected that news, and haven't been able to confidently walk into a doctor's office since. I've been lucky enough to have clear scans, but still feel very anxious between test time and result time. Do I live in constant fear? Not any more. Could that change in a heartbeat? You betcha. I still have days where a quiet moment of reflection can bring on the "what ifs". Do I have a cure for that? Nope. I just try to focus on something else and get on with the business of living. Right now, Ralph, focus on your next step. Weigh your options, get involved in doing something proactive to keep your mind from the tornado of 'what if'. Good luck! Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myrnalu Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Hi Ralph, You are not alone my friend.I know the fear of the scans and the fear of the results.I get paranoid every time.Each little pain we get we fear spreading. All we can do is pray to God to get us through each day. Marie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom K Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Ralph, I am with you all the way. I just had my first 3 month checkup and I was surprised how anxious I became while waiting to see the doctor. I hope the nodule is nothing, but you are handling it very well. Any of us would be a little worried over something like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexan Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Ralph, I think we all know hiw you feel. Is really scared, but then pass. Best of luck. bucky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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