Jump to content

Alone...


Nick C

Recommended Posts

Today I felt the most alone as I have since Mom passed October 5.

I called my father and he proceeded give me crap about not mentioning him in the eulogy I gave for mom. He said, "you thanked everyone but me, and I've always been there for you." I thanked those who were there with mom during the last month and those who gave her what she wanted and supported her decisions.

I was hurt that the day after mom died dad elected to go drinking rather than accept the dinner invite I extended...because I really wanted to talk with the "other" parent that is left. (dad's not generally a drinker, he just didn't handle this situation well).

But rather than be hurtful, I told him #1, it was mom's eulogy and wasn't about YOU. And #2 I thanked the people who were in mom's life at that point, you haven't had a relationship with her in 17 years.

I know he is grieving, he's said some other crappy stuff since mom died too. But I let it go, because we're all upset. And maybe he's just not thinking.

But for the first time, I really felt completely alone. In a nut shell, it was one of those times I would have picked up the phone to talk to Mom.

Wow, what an lousy day...I miss her so much right now.

Thanks for allowing the therapeutic post.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Nick, I'm sorry you are feeling so alone today. I have those moments several times a day. I will whail in my car "I miss my Mom, I miss my Mom!!!" I too want to talk to her. I miss calling her and hearing her cheerful voice. She was one person who was always happy to hear from me. I feel your pain. It was 9 weeks ago yesterday.

Please don't let your Dad's attitude get to you. Sounds like he has issues of his own. I had to deal with my sister during Mom's death. There's one in every crowd to make things difficult.

Anyway, I guess my real point is you are not alone. Many of us are struggling with the loss of a parent and we feel your pain. Please vent anytime. I am hoping for relief from your sadness soon. It comes in waves. Some days I am sooo good and then the next I'm at the bottom of the barrel. Hang in there!

k

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick,

So sorry you are having a rough day.... been there, done that, many times over. When I have one of those "I need to talk to Dad" times, I do just that.... I usually hop in the car and either drive aimlessly and tell him everything that is going on, or I drive to the beach and just sit and have a quiet talk with him. I always feel better afterwards and truly believe that although he can't answer me in the conventional way... he usually sends me some sort of sign that lets me know he was listening!! You know, I always knew that losing a parent would be devastating, I just never realized how much.... Hope the rest of your day is a bit easier for you. Love, Sharon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it is just tough being alone and not having mom to talk too.

You have to get out with friends and try to have good time. That is what you mom would want. I am not saying you shouldn't grieve I am just saying that you shouldn't be alone.

Do you have a special someone in your life? You are a good looking man, you should have no problem finding a special someone to help occupy your time.

Maybe I am off base here, if so I appologize, but its just a feeling I get. No one should be alone. :cry:

Maryanne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick,

I get it.

It's so hard, and I can't lie and tell you there won't be more times and days like today around the bend....

But we can be here for you to lean on when those days happen, and we understand.

Keep posting, and keep venting. It does help.

Hugs,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks all for the encouragement and support.

I got a chuckle by your post Maryanne. Thanks. I needed something to bring a smile. :lol: I am married to an awesome woman. But she is experiencing the loss as well. Her husband is now without his mother and one of her dearest friends is gone (she and Mom were super close).

I have called her the greatest gift I ever gave my mother.

So alone is certainly not a statistical fact...but it was the feeling today. I feel bad if I made it seem like I'm all alone...I know there are people because of this disease who have really been left that way.

It's just mom and I understood eachother in a way noone else did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Nick,

Thanks for clearing that up! :oops: I should have known that as you are too cute.

I am so glad you are NOT alone and you have a good woman by your side.

Moms are so special... you always think they will always be there for you. It is heart wrenching when their presence is gone. I miss my mom too and she lived to be 94, but I miss her love,support and her hugs and kisses.

Just know that your mom left behind that diseased body but her soul lives on forever. Through her and all those wonderful memories you hold deep within your heart.

Peace be with you,

Maryanne :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick-

I too have recently lost my Mother and can relate to feeling alone. Even though I have loved ones around me, supporting me, including my wonderful husband, I can't help but feeling alone. There is no other word for it.

I hope today is a better day for you.

Sarah

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When i have Bad days I go out on my patio and I throw eggs into the woods. Gets rid of a lot of stress about the loss. I lost my wife in Jan 2006 to this disease after3 years fighting and 10 years married.

Remember these things, they help me. The pain gets duller but never goes away. N one can ever take away the Memories you have.

two grief sites that I use are these;

http://www.ywbb.org/forums/ubbthreads.php?Cat=0

http://beyondindigo.com/

And this is great for a little inspiration.

http://inspiringthots.net/

Sending prayers for a little comfort for You and Your wife and Family

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Losing a loved one can be so painful and make us feel so alone. It's something that we can't begin to understand until we've actually been through it. It's been almost four years since I lost Dennis and there are still times that I feel like nothing more than a shell. I pray that today is a better day for you. Just remember that your mom will always be with you. She will always live in your heart and be right there with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick, I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're feeling. There are times when no one else will even come close to helping the way our Moms did. For me, there is also a feeling of helplessness. When Mom was alive and I felt like this, there was always something that I could do for her that would cheer her up and, in turn, make me feel better too. Now it's a little harder to find that something that makes me feel better. But coming here and sharing our experience helps.

I think your Mom would be so proud of your contributions to the boards! You are continuing her fight by helping others.

Shauna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My name is Martha I lost my mom 10 months ago.I haven't being on this board lately because it was to painful to see so many people go through what I went through. I was really close to my mom too and the worst think I ever did in my life was to watch her die. After 10 months is still really there. You are right you do feel alone time-to-time. I don't know if you have any children but now that I do understand even more the bond and love between a mother and son/daughter and vice-versa, that bond it will never die even with death. Regarding your dad, I was in a similar situation my parents were divorce for 20 years and my father took over the entire thing at the end. But I was glad I didn't have the strength to deal with it. Anyway hang in there I know it's hard but everybody says it gets better with time. and in some ways it does.

take care of yourself!

Martha

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick,

I am so sorry your having a bad day, but they come and go and we all get through them as you will. I am trying to convince my self that those bad days are special days in that maybe my father is reminding me that he is with me not physically but spiritually and he wants some time alone with me. Whatever your father is griping about don't even worry about it. In the big picture, the euology is over and it is what it is. This is not the time to fight but rather get closer to deal with your pain together not by him venting to you about something that realy is not as important as he is making it out to be. Like you said it was for your mother not your father so move beyond and be there for one another.

God bless you and your family.

Cathy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick,

It's been years since my Mom passed away. I miss her and my Dad every day. There is no one else on Earth who loves you the way that a mother does...the loss of that relationship makes me feel lonely too. The upside is I don't need a phone to talk to her anymore :wink: I still speak to her often.It helps some.

Lynn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.