Treebywater Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Daddy just called to tell me he is engaged. I'm not sure how I feel yet. I AM very happy for him. Somehow this feels easier than her moving in with him was. And I knew it was coming. And I DO like her. Still seems so fast, but I am very glad that this part of things came now... when I am starting to be in a place where I can be at peace with things more. And after being reassured of how very much he loved my Mom. It's been nearly 17 months. That doesn't seem like so short a time for this to happen. That feels doable. Much more doable than the 2 months that had gone by when they started seriously dating. I think if things had gone much faster I *Would* have had a very difficult time. It is still hard to think that she gets to be the Grandma. And I Think it will take a long time before I come to a place where I can call her that. But, she knows that and is ok with it. So... Well... I hope I get to help with the wedding plans! I told Daddy I wanted to be the 'best Man.' And I hope Mom approves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Well, Val......I'm glad that you are feeling kind of OK about this. I can't even imagine being in your position, and I don't know how I'd feel, but I like to think that I would do my best to be supportive and happy. A good portion of my grief about Mum stems from watching Dad go on without her, and I think it would bring me peace to know that he was going to be alright and had someone to share his life with.....but no doubt, there would be lots of conflicting emotions flying around ! (And your Mom will ALWAYS be the grandma) Love, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Sounds like they waited a reasonable time. Glad you want to help them with the plans. My daughter recently said she wouldn't mind if I remarried, just not too soon. Right now, I am not even thinking about that. I do believe there are men who don't want to be alone for any length of time, after they have already had a long-time companion. My best to you all. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Your mom is smiling down at what a wonderful daughter she has and she wants you all to be happy. Your mom will never ever be forgotten by you or your dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 If it helps ease your mind,? some days I want to be alone and others I miss the companionship and Love. Congrats on the engagement of Dad. Hope you get to help and Mom is always watching over everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 You are exhibiting such grace and caring and understanding from where I am sitting. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel as though anyone is doing ANYTHING wrong, but I know it must be so difficult. I just think you couldn't be a better daughter than you are being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pewjumper Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Just a story to relate. . My aunt's husband died very suddenly of a heart attack when he was 40. Less than a year later, she married a man whose wife had recently died of cancer. Both of our families were in shock at first. It seemed way too soon. But they spent the next eight years really living it up. They traveled the world, built a new home, and had a blast! Eventually both families came around. Sadly, he died a couple of years ago, but his children expressed gratitude to my aunt. They had come to realize that because of her, he had not only escaped loneliness and depression in the final years of his life, but they knew for certain that he enjoyed and loved every second of it. It was a comfort to them in the end. I would struggle with this as well, but I hope this new marriage enriches your dad's life and that you too can share in his happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j's girl Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 There must be so many conflicting emotions. Could you think of another name to give her like "Nana" or something? I totally get that. Your Mom was Grandma and how can she be too. I would talk to her and your Dad and ask them if they would be okay with your kids calling her something else because you want to keep that special name for your Mom. After my Grandma's death, my Grandpa started spending time with a lady who had recenly become a widow. There were members of the family who had a really hard time accepting the relationship but my parents took the view that it was just good to see him happy. They never did marry. But now Grandpa's lady friend is the closest thing to a grandparent that I have left. I just hope that if I find myself in this situation with my Dad that I can be as accepting as he was. I think you're Mom is so proud of the way you're handling this. Shauna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Well Val, you certainly have come a long way from that young lady who was so confused and upset when your dad first started seeing her. You finally realized what was best for him and your mom would be so proud of you. You know in your heart that your mom will always be his true love. But men need companionship and you have come to terms with this. You have grown up before our eyes. At least take comfort in knowing that your dad is not alone and if he becomes ill (which pray not) he has someone to take care of him and that would help you so much. I know in my heart that you will come to accept her in your life as she seems like a very caring person who cares about your feelings. You are lucky for that. Some 2nd wives could be bitc*es. I am also proud you want to take part in the wedding plans. I could see how cute Carolyn will look in her little dress. She is getting so big and she is beautiful. Bye the way, how are you feeling and when are you due? Do you know the sex yet? Be good to yourself, Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 I'm so glad that you have accepted your Dad moving on. My Dad was 50 when my Mom died and he spent the loneliest 8 years you can imagine before he died at 58. It was heart wrenching to watch him spin his wheels without his soulmate, it would have been wonderful if he had found someone to ease his pain and loneliness. My feeling is that the biggest compliment a surviving spouse can give a marriage is to want to do it again, a lot of the worry my sister and I had about our Dad would not have been there had he been able to move on and be happy again. Wishing you all the very best, Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Val, I admire your ability to be so understanding and accepting. Your mother must be so very proud of you. Hoping for the very best for all of you.... Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Val....I have to tell you how very proud I am of you right now! You are an amazing young woman!!! I know how tough this has been on you, yet you are able to handle this with love, charm and grace. I know that your mom is smiling down on you right now and giving her approval and blessings. When two people truly love each other, they always want the best thing for their spouses. Being alone is very tough and I know your mom would want your dad to have companionship to help complete his life. You are amazing!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 [Geri] My feeling is that the biggest compliment a surviving spouse can give a marriage is to want to do it again... I'd never thought about it that way, but Geri's comment strikes me as very wise and true! Val, you're doing the right thing in welcoming her into the family. And a different, cute nickname for her (rather than Grandma) is definitely the way to go. She'd probably enjoy helping to choose one, and maybe has a name in mind already. Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mskim Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Val... I am so happy you are not in agony over this. You have some such a long way from where I am now and I hope that in a year I will be able to see this through your eyes. I still haven't been able to meet my step dads fiance, but the day is drawing near. Your mom would be so so so proud of you. Hugs!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tami Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 val, My father remarried after my mom died. Her spouse had died also. In fact they were childhood sweethearts. It is hard to have someone step into that role as mother, grandmother. But it sounds as though this woman completely understands your feelings and is very respectful of that. My step mother was wonderful.. she was the best thing for my kids. My mom died while I was pregnant with my first and it was so difficult. when my dad remarried it turned out to be such a blessing. She took it slow and left pictures and things of my mom in the house. She never tried to replace my mother she was just a wonderful companion and wife to my dad, a friend to me and my siblings and a wonderful gram for my kids. My kids loved her and it was wonderful for them to have a grandma.. Now that my dad is gone I still have my "mom" to talk to and to be the grandma to my kids. I'm sure that your mother is so happy for all of you. I'm sure that she is proud of you for accepting this woman into your family. Honestly, I believe the Lord puts people in our lives for a reason and he must have special plans for her. You are really gaining a friend and a special person in your childrens lives. take care and enjoy those wedding plans! tami Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 You have the love and grace that your mom instilled. She approves. You are awesome. Love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 It's ok, honey. I know it will be hard to get used to, but he won't be alone now - that's a good thing. It's the pits to be alone....I know. Just last week my son asked me, very timidly, if I would ever date. I told him at this moment, I have absolutely no interest, but I am smart enough to know to never say never. With tongue in cheek, he told me it would be ok with him because he thinks it would be good for me to have a companion. Then, he immediately made a mad face and said, but he better never live here! He said he would rather die than see another man use his dad's tools, touch his dad's tractor, or sleep in his dad's bed - with me. His anger escalated with each thought as it popped into his head. The timidity about the subject quickly turned into a ranting rage about the whole issue. I had to tell him to "Jump back, Jack! Settle down! Do you see a man here?" Holy cripes! I get it, Val! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Val, hard for you to understand but you already offered to help with the wedding preparations and as 'best MAM' you will make the best of the future for him. Your mother is certainly enjoying your detremination to help him. She will always be there for you. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Oh Val, your Mother is very proud of you right now. You are the woman, mother, daughter and lady that she raised you to be and you honor her with your attitude and spirit. God bless you this holiday season Val. Enjoy that beautiful little girl, they grow up so fast. By the way...I ABSOLUTELY love the new picture. Love and prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Val, your Father is lucky to have you. Have fun with the wedding arrangements, let's hope there isn't a Bridezilla lurking. Adela. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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