Flowergirlie Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 As time passes, feelings that existed before my dear hubby passed, remain. The one thing that drives me nuts though is that everyone says to me, you are so young, and you will find someone else to hold you and love you and that, quite frankly, is the last thing on my mind right now. Although I miss my hubby profusely, I do not want someone else. I do not feel desperate to fill this emptiness with someone else, I want to mourn the loss of my soulmate, and that is OK. I do not understand why other people want to project possibly their personal loneliness and discontedness onto me. I am not there and maybe will never be. My life focus has completely changed. I am going back to school for nursing. I am going to raise my kids, and take vacations and still do the things that we were all going to do together. People say it is OK to grieve however it seems right to you and then still put you into this grief box. Oh, she is grieving too much and should be doing better or she is not grieving enough and shouldn't be doing so well. But, everyday I get to live with me and I am managing, and we are going to be alright. I like to remind my family and friends that just because I can hold a conversation and function, does NOT mean that I am not suffering DEEPLY, and DOES NOT mean I want or NEED someone else. I am OK but it still hurts and it is going to and every 'regular old thing' I do is like doing it for the first time because he is not right next to me just offering me that extra security with his presence. I will always love him and miss him so much but I do not feel as though I can not go on and do what I am supposed to do...and to get there does not mean I HAVE to have a new person, is that so hard to accept, even if I am so young? Thanks for reading my rant today. Flowergirlie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I miss DEb every day after 17 months. Some days I miss holding hands with her and getting a hug or a smooch and some days I do not miss that. But the fact is, I MISS HER EVERY DAY MENTALLY!!!!!! Ya gotta do what feels right to you and you alone. congrats on going back to school. Do what you feel is right. don't worry bout the others I think, myself. YOu have to take care of yourself and the kids. Rant away we understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz13 Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Flowergirlie, You are a strong, beautiful woman. I have no doubt that you will grieve in a way that's perfect for you. Everywhere you look, there are different people, that respond different ways. Be it break ups, divorce or death. Some people are not meant to be alone. They instintly grasp the next available person. Some people are fine alone. They are more perticular about who they share their lives with. This is you .. and me. When you meet the right person that you want to let into your life, you will know it. It will be on your schedule, not anyone elses. Going back to school!! I am so proud of you. Hugs, Liz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Flowergirlie..........I think you are doing remarkably well ~ and don't take that the way some of your family and friends may mean it. I mean that you seem to truly have a clear grasp of YOUR grief and how YOU deal with it. For some, it is easy to dictate how others should 'deal' with issues. They haven't walked your walk in your shoes. Your attitude (IMHO) is right on!!!! So you just do it 'your way', Melinda. I won't tell you how strong you are ~ you're probably sick of hearing it. So I'll just say.............keep going in the direction you are, and take as long as you need to get to the place that you feel you want to be. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sis Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Flowergirlie, I agree with Kasey 100%. Everyone has to deal with grief in their own way. Just listen to your heart. You are doing what's best for you and your kids. Congrats on going back to school. Your compassion shows in every post you write which is the making for an excellent nurse!!! Ellie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I so understand what you mean when you speak of 'grief boxes.' You ARE doing well in feeling your feelings and letting yourself be where you are. And you are right, you need to grieve the loss of your soulmate... I wish people wouldn't rush us so.. I hate the extremes of 'get over it' and 'oh you pooor thing.' Thinking of you and your kiddos and praying for your peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Flowergirlie your post was right from the heart and expressed so well. Your common sense and compassion will make you an excellent nurse. Bravo on going back to school. Good Luck & God Bless wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev'sSister Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I am glad to hear you are going back to school as well. I think people just believe they have to have someone all the time. I lost my fiance' to a massive stroke..he is still alive..but not the same. I can't just move on like everyone wants me too. I think I will always be a caregiver to him. Once you have had that special relationship, there is really nothing or no one that can replace it. People who have not lost that special person can not relate. Some have lost husbands or wives, but if they are able to just move on to the next..I don't believe they lost the love of their life. Melinda I think you know that he was your one and only and THAT IS OK. That is not to say there will never be another..but not as special as your husband was to you. Take your time and find a way to be happy just as you are. It has taken me about a year to accept that my "love of my life" is not coming back, but I will always have the memories. You will too. Love, Bobby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtay Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 You are a wonderful girl - live your life the way you want to. ((Flowergirlie)) Lots of love Dawn x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Melinda, I think of you often and keep you and your kids in my prayers. So many people have good but misguided intentions in what they say to someone who has lost a mate or child.They just say what they have always heard or think is appropriate. Amazing the thoughtless words we say at times. So we look beyond the words and appreciate the person for thinking of the family. Certainly not always easy but a must for focusing on the future. We need compassionate people like you in nursing. Our son-in-law just got pinned for his RN this month and we are so proud of him and thankful. So give it all you've got and touch the lives of those who are in need. God bless you Melinda. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laban Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I don't have any words, better or worse, than anyone else. All I can say is that you have been an inspiration to be since your first post. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 You are doing all you can do.....as best as you can. Who can ask or expect any more? Congratulations on going back to school to become a nurse. How exciting!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth R Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Melinda, I think it is people's way of trying to help. Get you with someone else and hope that your pain fades away. People don't like to see others alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Yep. Other people are uncomfortable in the face of our grief, and that is where those empty one-liners come from. Yes, I am happy that Mom is no longer in pain...Yes, I know she is somewhere better now...blah, blah, blah. They mean well. Of course some people do meet someone else in their own time, and that can be a beautiful thing. My mom never remarried--only went on one date--after my dad died. It just wasn't right for her. I guess people finally just left her alone about it. Almost 30 years later, they are back together again. I do find solace in that. Rambling just to say, we understand. You are doing very well, and you will continue to do so...in your own time. Hugs being sent your way! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myagle2 Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Flowergirlie, Isnt it something how everyone has something to say, be it the right or wrong thing? Its ok to me, I have always had trouble with that kind of situation, and what to say. Here is what I keep getting. "You are really doing good, Iam surprized". Ah , ok, ! Iam a person who has to keep busy, always have been. For 2 plus years, I have been working full time, taking care of a house with a lot of land, so on, ANYWAY, I have to keep going, at this point. THey dont see me when I am alone, its a little different then. And ya know what, after watching hime die for the last two months, and I mean suffer, this is the easy part. Maybe thats why I am doing so well. He is finally free, and thats why I am doing so well! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladybug Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 I so feel for you. Hopefully life will gradually get easier to bear and people's comments will lesson. Your kids are so very lucky to have a mom who is so real and true to herself. No words of wisdom- just wanted you to know so many people care about you. Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Unless people have walked in your shoes, they can't judge or comment. People probably mean well and just want the best for you. Keep on doing what is best for YOU. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dscherer Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Flowergirlie, SOme people believe you have to fill that place. That you have to have someone with you. Not sure if that comes from fear of being alone or what. I am so happy that your husband was your soulmate, some people never feel that connection, I am just sorry that you lost your husband so soon. Only you know whats right for you and when. I hope in time you find peace and happiness no matter how you achieve that. I can tell through all your posts what an amazing person you are, don't let anyone elses opinion bother you. I am glad to hear you are going back to school and focusing on your children. I think you are doing great. Continue to stay true to yourself. Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Girl, You grieve any way that feels right, and I for one will NOT put you into a box. I wish so much that Carleen was posting these days...Carleen...if you are out there, you need to contact this gal! She was so young too when she lost her husband, and she felt so much the same way. Stay strong, and do what feels right for you. Blessings, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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