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Well my wife is back on her chemo regim and that's a good thing. She gets freaked out when she can't do her chemo and that's understandable. I guess what I really need to do is ramble a bit. I kinda feel guilty. My wife and her sister are going to visit their sister in Texas and I am actually looking forward to a little time alone. Is that a bad thing? I know we all have alot going on and sometimes as caregivers we get lost in the shuffle so to speak. I am NOT complaining. I have done and will do anything for my wife as I know she would do for me. She is a wonderful person and I love her in sickness and in health as I said the day I married her. However sometimes I think we need a break also. It's so emotional and stressful. I can't talk to her sons because they don't want to deal with things. As one of my favorite people said "Life's what happens when you're making other plans"-John Lennon

It's late (as usual for me nowadays). Thanks for letting me ramble. God bless all of you.

hawkeye

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"hawkeye" ...I kinda feel guilty. My wife and her sister are going to visit their sister in Texas and I am actually looking forward to a little time alone. Is that a bad thing?

Not at all. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want her to have some "time off" to recharge her batteries?

Aloha,

Ned

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It is also good to come here and Ramble or Vent or Get it all out in the oipen when you want to. Have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Get in a little recharge time and just relax for a little bit. This will help both of you

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Dont feel guilty!

Vi all need to get away from our caregiverrole some times, and remebering ourselfes.

I felt a relief moving from my parents house info my own again. Its really difficult being "stucked" around sick people all day :?

Brgds,

Bettina

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It's not a bad thing at all!! Caregivers MUST take breaks to regroup, recharge and rest..even if only a hour or so a day......any time that you can take to focus on you (or focus on nothing!) for a while is a good thing! You will be a better caregiver for it.

You can't take care of her if you're not taking care of you.

The break will be great for your wife too...so don't you dare feel guilty, enjoy the time to yourself and rest, have fun, and think of only you for a couple of days!

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Hawkeye,

I dont post much, but your post jumped out at me.

I must say, I should have done more for myself, and i didnt, should have.

Some times I didnt want to come home from work, so overwhelmed. You absolutely should not feel that sometimes you need to get away from it, make you feel quilty, wish now I hadnt. Boy what ya learn, after you have gone through it. Do things, get away from it when you can, or it will consume you.

Does not mean you do not love, hope, or wish you could make it better. Good Luck. stay strong.

Mary

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I hope that wishing for some time alone isn't a bad thing - I find myself wishing for a break more and more recently. I am working, but my husband is not. Except for my brief drive to and from work, I am not alone these days from the moment I wake up until I go to bed at night. This is not a reflection of my feelings for him at all, but - everyone needs some time. Someday soon, I'm going to book a facial or something and hope to go alone. On the other hand, my minor trouble with this is nothing compared to his, and I have no trouble remembering that. Don't feel guilty!

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My mom is still in the hospital fighting off some infection. She had another broncoscopy yesterday and they drained a lot of fluid out. She's feeling better because the chemo has worn off AND she can breathe better today. So, the point to my post here is that it's my 20 year high school reunion tomorrow night. I was on the planning committee but once Mom was diagnosed, I lost all concern for the reunion. But now that it's here, I'm excited for my husband and I to have an evening together. (Of course HE is NOT thrilled at all....he's been trying to pay people to go with me....LOL...Just kidding! Although he really would love it if I hadn't made him go..) But we'll have fun....so will he. And it will be nice, refreshing, relaxing...you name it....just to recharge. Although, I am thinking that I'd like to stop by the hospital on the way so that Mom can see what I'm wearing. Such gals, aren't we? But she's been giving me suggestions all week on what I should wear & telling me where I'd find the best sales. =)

Anyways, we all need to recharge. Even if only for a few hours.

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It's very important for you to take some time for yourself and to vent to others (and people on this site) when you need to. This will halp you be a better caregiver for your wife. she would certainly understand this, as would you if things were turned around. Wishing you both the best! Shelley

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Hi Hawk,

I am really glad you have this time alone. You are only human and if you can get a break then take it. I am dissapointed to hear that her sons have blinders on. If they were in the picture that would certaibly give you a little more time to yourself while they visited with mom.

You are a wonderful husband, but we all need a little time for ourselves to regroup, reflect and to recharge our batteries(as someone said) so we can continue this journey.

You can vent anytime you want, that is what we are hear for besides giving support,advice and sending prayers.

Maryanne :wink:

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Being the caregiver is very stressful. Do not feel guilty. My husband is my driver and so many other things since my vision became impaired . I hate to ask him to do anything but have to. He always does it with a wonderful attitude. One thing he does that is a big stress reliever is play golf at least once a week. Perhaps Hawkeye you could find some kind of exercise to do several times a week as a stress reliever. Would be good for you and your wife to spend some hours apart during the week. God's blessings on you and your wife. pammie

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pammie

Thank you for your post. I so much appreciate all the folks who have taken time to remind me of some important things. So far I am having a pretty good weekend. Last night I just relaxed at home and watched a movie. Today I went to a BBQ that was for the local radio station. The guy who bought it and his fiance put together a BBQ and concert with 3 bands in the town park. It was alot of fun. The food was great and all the money went to local charities. Well good nite all.

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Though I know you have already been told, I am going to say it again, never feel guilty for needing time. When my mom was in the middle of treatment I made sure my dad had "time off" I figured, even though I went to every appointment and was at their home everyday, I got to go home at night. It was also good for my mom, to have some time away.

That is no reflection on commitment or love, it is necessary.

You recharge those batteries!!!

Prayers to you,

Dana

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  • 1 month later...

My wife and I just got back from a little getaway. She has been felling ok so we went to Graceland and then to Nashville.We then went to Bristol, Tn so see saw her 1st NASCAR race. We drove down the Blue Ridge Parkway in N.C and then went to see our daughter in Atlanta (she is due with our 1st grandchild in Dec.) We finished it off by going to Branson, Mo. for a show. It was a great trip and we had a very relaxing time.

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Hawkeye,

Good to have time apart and time

together, enjoy all those trips

you can have you will see them in a

different way and all the quiet time

you may get.

Now would like to know the name of your

wife, I don't read all the posts but

did not see it yet.

Jackie

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My wife's name is Mary. I'm sure I put it in posts somewhere but I'm not sure. Thanks for asking Jackie. And you are right about seeing things in a different light. And I have to say that the tour guides at Graceland were wondeful accommidating Mary's needs during our tour. Also I have to commend the people at Bristol Motor Speedway. When we got our tickets I wasn't sure about wheelchair access. So I called the track and spoke to a lady in the ticket office. I explained my situation to he and she informed me that our seats were 8 rows from an entrance and she would have no problem. Then I asked her about parking and she refered me to the customer relations person who I called. She said that the deadline for handicap permits expiredin mid June but that if I would fax her Mary's info she would make sure we got hdcp parking. 2 weeks later Mary's permit arrived in the mail. Thanks to these 2 people Mary was able to have a wonderful time.I have sent them both thank you letters. Well enough ramblin for now.

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There are wonderful people who want to help. That is priceless...

It seems like you got to see so much on your trip and it sounded great. Just what you both needed.

Congratulations on the upcoming event... you guys going to be grandparents.... A new life... how exciting Iam thrilled for both of you!

Maryanne :wink:

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Hawkeye,

After I read your post I immediately called my Dad - who is caring for my Mom. I read your post to him which opened up a conversation between he and I. I've just returned from a visit with my folks and I can see that my Dad is doing such a wondrful job of taking care of my Mom, but he's got no down time either. He admits that he is not getting enough rest. I'm going back for another visit in a few weeks and I've suggested that he take a couple of days for himself - I hope he does it. I see that he needs it but it's hard for him to see it. So Hawkeye, what I'm getting to is that you too need this time. It will give you the opportunity to re-charge and be a better care-giver. God bless you for being such an amazing man by sticking by your wife!!

Donna

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Hawkeye--It's amazing how poeple will help you when you ask. I wanted to take my mom and dad to a college football game last weekend because my niece was dancing with the dance team for the first time. I called and asked if there was any way we could get tickets that involved no stairs and they got two for me in the h/c section right on the councourse. They sent someone out to our tailgate spot in a golfcart to pick up Mom and dad and give them a ride from the parking lot right to their seats. Mom told me later that if she had had to negotiate a lot of steps and walking (she also has severe arthirtis in her back) that she wouldn't have gone to the game. As it was she had a wonderful time.

I'm glad you and Mary had fun too. I think it's important to remember to have fun!

Susan

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  • 3 weeks later...

I apologise to all my friends here that I have not posted in a while. My Mary and I have been dealing with insurance issues sincce my last post. Mary has gone on disability pension since my last post and we have been trying to figure out the best way to handle things. Thanks for your support.

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Mary and I saw the onc yesterday. Her tumors are growing again. He said he was looking into trials so if anyone knows of any please let us know. She has also been in alot more pain lately so he prescribed a slow release pain killer in addition to what she has been taking. She has alot more trouble walking any distance now. Our 5th anniversary is next friday and we were talking about going back to Branson if she feels good enough (I really hope she does). She is scared although she won't say so but I can see it.

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