Debi Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 I wanted to share my gratitude and joy that I am still here to celebrate another New Years (my FIFTH one since diagnosis!!). Every year I spend on this earth is a gift to me, not sure why it was given to me, but I'm okay with that these days. This year was good to me- I had a huge promotion at work, relocated to another state, to one with malls . I got to see my son start THIRD grade, and my daughter just left from a visit this weekend and I was able to hold all 5 grandchildren in my lap for unlimited amounts of time. I added Fred the chihuahua to my family of pets this year, and got a new truck. My work just slowed down last week and then I had to fly to NY on business- I realized flying doesn't terrify me anymore. The fear that crippled me and kept me grounded most of my life, no longer exists. Just a few hours ago I had a chance to go through the 'junk' mail from the last 5 or 6 weeks and I saw there was a Cure magazine. I started leafing through it and the fear came back, whoosh, without warning, leaving me trying to catch my breath. Cancer, the word that I try not to think about anymore, is really just a thought away at all times, just waiting. The Cure magazine just took hold of me, I started questioning all that I have done, all the plans I am making, the projects I'm on, starting to feel silly in thinking that I actually have a life ahead of me. It took about an hour to get myself back. My self-doubt is right there on my coffee table. So my New Years resolution is going to be to cancel Cure magazine. I know that it is there if my cancer comes back, but I just can't have the reminder anymore. I am living and I am well and I will only go back if it drags me back and then I'll read the damn magazine. Right now I'm on strike. Anyway, Happy New Years to my fellow survivors! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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