Steph74 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Mom has rapidly declined over the weekend, today she has slept most of the day, but she is very restless. When she does speak, she doesn't make sense, and she's confused. She's eaten two bites of food today. I'm guessing this is the beginning of the end - anyone else have this experience? Her pallative doctor is coming tomorrow morning, I'm guessing he will suggest hospice, I'm not sure if it's a better option to have her at my home or in a hospice center - does anyone have any suggestions? Unfortuntely, I can't ask her wishes because she doesn't seem to understand. This happened so quickly that we never even discussed the idea of hospice. I thought we'd have more time. I'm so scared and I feel extremely alone, I'm her only family here. My husband doesn't seem to know what to say or do. My aunts have called and have said - do you want us there? I feel like they should want to be here - I shouldn't have to ask them. I don't how I will live without her, I'm a mess... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph, I am sooooo sorry. My heart goes out to you during this time... God Bless You and Your Mom!! Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 YOu really have to follow your heart on this questionof what to do. Home is an option that can not be left out. Hospice can be a very warm ad comforting thing to use also. I can not answer the question for you. My thought would be to find out if home would be a viable option for hospice to come by of course. Have to think everything out though. A death at home can be very traumatic on the family but comforting for Mom. Its a very ahrd question to answer. I can only offer my prayers and thoughts right now and a shoulder or an ear to listen with also any time you need anything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I am so sorry. With hospice, it depends on what you can do. If you can be home with your mom and take care of her with the support of the hospice nurses and with the in-home equipment (hospital bed etc) then most people keep their loved one home where everyone is more comfortable. Residential hospices can be very nice places or they can be a hospital wing-- it just depends on what is offered in your area. Try to get recommendations from people you know that have used hospice before you pick one. If you keep her home, have the sisters come and help you. I am so sorry she is declining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph, I just want you to know that I am praying for your mom and your family. Sorry, I have no hospice experience to offer. Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I'm sorry that your lovely Mom is failing. In-home hospice seems to be the usual course in my area. I've seen it in action twice, and feel that I can recommend it. Is ti an option? My suggestion as far as your aunts: don't worry about what they should or should not want, say, or do; if your Mom would want them to be able to see her, invite them. My thoughts will be with you. Mary Colleen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesLife Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph - I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. My dear SIL, Dawn, went to hospice about three weeks prior and the care provided was very loving. They also helped all the family extensively by explaining each stage and what to expect. My niece had just had a baby and was unable to give her the complete care she required at home and as well, the drugs that were provided were just not enough for her pain towards the end. There was always a family member present at Hospice as they required family assistance at this one. I can only provide our experience with hospice here and how it went with Dawn. Each scenario is unique I am sure. I am sorry you are faced with so many difficult decisions and the pain of watching a loved one go through this. I will keep you, your mom, and your family in my prayers. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph, As long as you are making decisions out of love, be confident they are the right decisions. Re her sisters, people often don't want to intrude, even if they are closely related. If you think they will help the situation, then bring them into the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph, So sorry for the fast action needed. You already got good answer and the love for your Mom will help you in deciding what is the best and what would your Mom want. Help from hospice at home, visit from helping aunts at home or all done outside the home........ Just do as your heart tells you and don't look back for any if....... Will keep your Mom in my prayers. Hugs Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leela Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 (((Steph))) I'm sorry I have no advice, but know you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wondermom Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I am so sorry your mom's health is declining. My mom was very confused at the end also. She would talk to my brother into the tv remote like she was on her cell phone. She was on so many pain meds. Did your mom ever tell you anything about her wishes if the end is near? My mom made it very clear she did not want to pass at home. I think she was thinking about us having that be our last memory of her and thinking about her passing every time we were home. However, many people find at home hospice very comforting. It is a personal choice. Mom had hospice care in the hospital right until the end. They were wonderful. Very compassionate people. I agree with Nick about your aunts. My mom's family always asked us if we wanted them there or not. I think they just didn't want to intrude on our (my siblings and dad) time with mom. It wasn't a question of whether they wanted to be there or not. We really wanted them there though. It was comforting to us to be able to share stories and hold on to each other. I wish you all the best. I know how hard this time is. Praying things get better for your mom. Praying for strength for you, your mom, and your family. Jill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lc46 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph I am so sorry to hear this... Please keep us posted to what the Dr has to say. I'll be thinking of you both. Dar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azgirl Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I have no personal experience with hospice, but my heart goes out to you. Like someone else mentioned, I believe if you make a decision with your heart, it can't be the wrong one. Maryea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I am so sorry you are at this place. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. Susan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Please know we are walking with you during the very difficult time. ((((((Steph))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I'm just so sorry that you guys are at this point. We're here to support you and I will be praying for you and your Mama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadawn Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph, I am so sorry to hear about your mum. My heart really goes out to you. With regard to the hospice decision - there are many things to consider e.g can you cope at home ? can other family members help out? I hear really positive things about hospice at home but also away from home so I think the standard of care is much the same at both. It also depends on what your mum might have preferred and also what you and your family think is best. I am praying that you find strength at this difficult time. God bless you & your mum Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Steph, I am so sorry to read of your Moms decline... it is so hard to watch, this I know. The decision to keep her home or in hospice is quite a personal one... I only have experience with hospice out of the home. For us, having Daddy die at home would have completely destroyed Mom - it just wasn't what we thought she could handle. For you, it may be more comforting to have your Mom right there where you can tend to her and be near her constantly. I can't remember if you have any older children, as this can be disturbing for them. What every your decision, it will be the right one - remember that. Also, I agree with what Nick said about your Aunts... especially since Mom is in your house, they probably feel they need permission from you to come and help out. Take them up on it, let them help you and be with their sister - I will pray for you - kiss her and hug her all the time.... she does know you are there. Love, Sharon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmydad Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 ((((Steph))) Prayers for you and your mom during this most difficult time. Teresa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Steph, my heart goes out to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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