cjolaw Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Well, my dad went and talked with my mom's oncologist today, alone. Turns out that the chemo isn't working, she's declining very fast and her pain is increasing. We'll be meeting with the docs on Monday where she will learn that there will be no more treatment... and there are no other options. Her pain was great today which is why I pray she will allow hospice to treat her. This isn't what I imagined her life to be like in her mid-50's. What do I expect at the end of life? I am at a loss. My mother is the strongest woman I have ever known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Oh Carrie. I am so sorry. I cannot believe how quickly this has come. It just isn't fair. How is your family? Do you feel comfortable with this? Is there any way she would look at a Mayo or something else? I know you have always trusted and believed in your doc, and I don't suggest that you shouldn't...it is more out of desperation that I ask. Again, please let me know if there is anything I can do. Does your Beta group know? They should. Theirs and our prayers will be going up for you and your family. Blessings, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjolaw Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 We went to Mayo at the beginning, consulting on what they would do for treatment, and then we went to the local onc... he conurred... She's been treated with the best, the strongest...4 lines of treatment in fact. She is so weak. So thin. Basically just a skeleton. Her pain is increasing at a fast pace, she had a hard time getting the pain under control today. Her bone mets are so extensive that she has broken her arm bone entirely in half because of the cancer eating away at it. She recently fell and broke her tailbone (assumably from bone mets as well). She routinely needs IV fluids, blood transfusions, etc. At this point, I can't imagine her riding for several hours in a car anywhere. I don't believe she can turn back from here. Her lung is completely full of fluid... it reaccumulates within a day or two. I can't stand to see her like this anymore. It feels as though someone is strangling me... squeezing my chest; my heart. I simply don't want to see her suffer any longer. I would love for someone to tell me there is a miracle drug; for someone to show me a new treatment that will reverse the damage. I just don't know that it's out there. I don't want to give up, but I can't stand to see her suffer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Oh Carrie. I am so very sorry. This point is just so very, very hard. I hate this for you. Lean on us whenever you need, ok? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Carrie I am so very, very sorry to hear this news about your dear mother and sad that it has come to this. I pray that God will give you strength and peace at this very difficult time. wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet B Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard it is and I pray that God gives you and your mother strength and peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawkeye Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I know what you are going thru. May God grant you and your mother strenght, peace and comfort in this very difficult time. We are here for you. My prayers for your both. Peace out hawkeye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leela Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Carrie, I'm so sorry to read this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev'sSister Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I know what you are feeling. The best thing you can do for your Mom now is to make sure she is kept comfortable. I had a long talk with my sister before she passed and her main concern was with her family and how we were going to deal with her death. We all let her know that we would miss her but we would be ok. I think that helped her to go peacefully. I will be praying that your Mom's pain will be controlled and that she will be able to rest easy. Love, Bobby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trawna Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Dear Carrie: I agree with Bobby that the most important thing you can do now is to try to get her comfortable. My Mom refused chemo for her late-stage ovarian cancer, but we were fortunate enough to have an understanding MD who was willing to provide medications in sufficent dosage that controlled virtually all of her pain during her last few weeks. Frankly, it may have shortened her life, but it definitely gave her a better quality of life through that last period. The downside was that she slept a lot, but at least when she was awake she was able to be without that awful pain. My thoughts are with you all in this very difficult time, may you all find relief from all of the different types of pain you are feeling now. Peace to you, you are in my thoughts. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph74 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Carrie, my thoughts and prayers are with you, my mom recently went through the same thing, and it went SO FAST - take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Carrie-- My heart goes out to you. As others have said, this part is really hard. When my dad passed away, my mom, brother, and I were with him. We spent a lot of time in the last few hours telling him that it was okay to go and that we loved him. He died with us telling him that we loved him.... As Bobbie said, the important thing at this point is to make her comfortable and to be there. My thoughts are with you and your family. You WILL get through this. Best, Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Carrie, I am so very sorry to hear that treatment options have run out for your mom. She's so young. I hope you are able to find a good hospice program that will help keep her comfortable and pain free. I wish you some good days ahead with your mom. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 (((Carrie))), Praying for the best for you, your mom and your family. God Bless, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I am so very sorry for all that you, your mom and family are going through. I pray for comfort for all of you. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Carol, I am so sorry. I hope that you can find some help to make her comfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needhope Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I am so sorry for what you are going through and I echo what everyone else has said. My dad was in ICU for over a month and was in a medically induced coma for 23 of those days so I know what it feels like when things take a downward spiral. You can't believe it's happening. You want very much to find something that will prolong their life. And you are caught between wanting them to keep fighting and not wanting them to suffer anymore. I pray that God gives you strength through all of this. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbb Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Carrie, My heart hurts for you. When Rod was out of options we called Hospice and what a blessing they were. They were able to totally control his pain. That is what we all wanted, for him to just stop hurting after a year of pain. I hope you will be able to do this for your mom. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Carrie - I have not posted on this site for some time, but I have read about your mom -- the story is similar to my mom's. Hospice will provide the pain relief she so desperately needs...and it will give you time to say everything you want to say. Someday you will look back and realize what a blessing it is to have time to say goodbye. If you have questions about end of life at home, I would like to help you as someone on this site did for me. I was with my mom every single day of her diagnosis until the end when I was lying in bed with her. Please contact me, if you think I can take any of the fear or unknown out of it. I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. I know that the fear is overwhelming. Yet, you will have the strength you need for today and the strength you need for tomorrow...you will. Please know that someone in San Francisco is thinking of you. holly_nissalke@hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Carrie, Praying for days without pain for your mother. Time for you to tell her of your love and admiration and also time to remember those special occasions between mother and daughter. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Carrie, I am so very, very sorry for what you are going through. I know how you feel. I will only offer what I know based on my experience, all are different.... You asked that hard question about end of life, it's so hard to answer and even think about, I know. I concur with others that the most important thing is to keep her comfortable. Hospice can help so much with that. I know this is a personal decision, but you may want to consider a hospice center. I fought tooth and nail against it because I wanted Mom to be home, and I lost that battle to the majority family vote...but since hospice comes once a day to the home and at the center they are there round the clock, I really ended up glad we went that route. I was so, so grateful for that. To have that professional care available to us 24/7 was so helpful. In addition to the morphine, my mom recieved Ativan to ease her breathing. The combination seemed to make her more comfortable. She was also on a morphine pump, which automatically dispenses the medicine and can be adjusted as necessary. Again, I know how hard this all is to even think about. My heart breaks for you and please know we are here for you when you need us. I don't post a lot on this on this topic but have made my way back.... Big, big hugs and lots of prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandyswa Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Carrie, I hate to hear that you are going through this and I am praying that you can have the strength to be there for your mom and know that you and your family will be in our prayers. I am so sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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