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missing Mom


melindasue37

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I've been wanting to post here for so long and the words in my mind just don't get typed out as easily as I would hope them to. But, here goes...

It has been a little over a year and a half since losing my Mom and she's been on my mind in a different way for the last few weeks. I still yearn to call her on the phone for the assurance of unconditional love and that feeling that I was never alone in the world. My family and I are close and I have friends that I could confide in but it just isn't the same.

I've been feeling that the time since her death until now is widening at a pace that I just can't put my mind around. It feels like its been forever since hearing her voice. So long since being able to end a phone call with, "I love you, Mom." I miss her and I just want her back for a little time to tell her how much I took her for granted. To update her on the kids and to tell her I finally understand how difficult it must have been for her to raise all of us "wild" kids. I want to call her talk about what I was making (or better yet burning) for dinner, I want to call her to complain about all the craziness that my x-husband has been putting me through. I know what she would say and she would end up throwing out a few cuss words and get so wound up that I would end up laughing and smiling knowing that she did understand and would always be on "my" side.

Some days you just get thrown back into the grief process and I find myself so quick to judge, so impatient, so cheated and so jealous of those that still have their Moms.

And I wanted to thank all of you for posting how you are getting through the grief. You'll never begin to understand how much so many of the posts have helped me through the difficult days.

So, thanks for letting me get it out. I think I feel better already :D

Warm Hugs,

Melinda

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I agree with Leslie...in that I'm not sure what to say other than "I understand". I've only been without my mom for a little over a month, and I'm really missing the "free therapy", just being able to talk for an hour and have someone listen and give words of encouragement and guidance. I'm not sure if it gets better or worse where you're at, with a year and a half. I guess all I can say is...you've got some people here that know how you feel and have an open ear and a shoulder to cry on...

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I've been feeling that the time since her death until now is widening at a pace that I just can't put my mind around.

Melinda,

Oh -- I know that indescribable feeling of the passage of time. It's a bit of a mind flip for me.

Many hugs of understanding for you tonight. These times come and go, but don't lose their intensity when they happen.

Welthy

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Have You "talked" to mom lately?? Under the stars on a nice nite? You can you know. I talk to deb still some nites!!!

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(((Melinda))))

I really "get it". Wish I had the words to make it better, but I wish those things for me too. I know those feelings come and go, and I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

(((hugs)))

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I'm really sorry you're in a rough spot right now.

I'm with ya on mnay of the emotions! I also miss that pure, Mom-love and support! I stopped at Mom's house everyday after school (my kids walked over to her house from their school each day), and I'd spend an hour or so 'processing' there. There's been a lot of poop at work lately, and she's the one I would have told. She, too, may have slipped in a curse word, but most likely would have offered to "go up there and take care of" the folks causing me trouble. I miss that unquestioning sense that, of course I was right, and the other people were just dead wrong.

I guess many of us are in this leaky boat together. I think if we work together to bail each other out, we can keep our head above water. I'm praying for you tonight, for a little light in your spirit, and the knowledge that you are truly loved.

Kelly

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Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, support and understanding.

You're all awesome....I really mean that.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for reminding me that I'm very lucky to have somewhere to get out those feelings on those rocky days.

Warm Hugs,

Melinda

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I am so glad I came in today, something pulled me. We went through about the same time and I get and feel what you are saying. You made me feel a little more normal, while people around me are kind of wondering what is wrong. Why am I on my knees again??

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Melinda,

Yes. All so true. The unconditional love and support, the cursing of anyone who dared to wrong her daughter :), whether real or percieved, just having that one person in the world that you know would love you no matter what you did...

I hope that tomorrow brings a brighter day and that your mom shines down on you with love and stength...

(((Melinda)))

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((((Melinda))))

No great words, just hugs. I'm so sorry you miss your mom so much -- I hope you still find a way to tell her those things. A letter, out loud. Of course it's not the same. I feel confident she is ever so proud of her daugther!

More hugs,

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  • 2 weeks later...

(((((((((((((Melinda))))))))))))

I'd have to agree with Randy and say there's just nothing that makes me feel closer to Dennis than standing outside and looking up at all those stars. I talk to him and always stop and wonder if he's seeing the same stars!!!

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You now we are always here for you Melinda. I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. I hope the venting has helped you somewhat.

Great to see you though even though you are felling so low.

(((((((((MELINDA)))))))

Maryanne

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