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Thoughts


DeanCarl

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I keep seeing, at various times in the regular forums and in PMs, statements like, "I can't do this" and "I'm not ready for this". It got me to thinking a bit about not just cancer, but all the tough times many of us have faced, and, somehow, survived. The followng are just some thoughts on this:

Are any of us EVER ready for something like this? We all seem to have this senerio of growing older and slowly fading away. Then, all of a sudden, we learn that may not happen. The word "cancer" is spoken and EVERYHING changes. Whether we are activily fighting the disease or letting it run it's course makes no difference. The life we had invisioned for ourselves and our loved ones ceases to exist and a different life emirges. A life of constant uncertanty and, if we let it, anxiety. A good part of our day is spent telling ourselves, "I can't do this!". But you know something? We CAN do this. Somehow, some way, through all the confusion, through all the ups and downs, the joys and the sorrows we get it done. We make it through one more day. And, if we take the time, we find ways to actualy enjoy each day. Not every day and not all day. Maybe only a few minutes here and there. Maybe a bit more on the "good" days. But even a few minutes of joy can be enough, at least for this day.

How does that work? Heck, I don't know. I'm "winging it" through this right along with everybody else. And I think that's one of the reasons, come to think of it. We do this TOGETHER, each of us adding a bit to what I like the call the "spirit pool". There are a few rare individuals who's individual spirit pool is large enough, deep enough, and full enough to handle anything that comes down the pike. Those folks are few and far between and *I'm* sure not one of them. But if we combine our spirit pools into one big one there seems to be enough.

And what is it that adds to that spirit pool? Anytime we share a little of ourselves more is added. Every laugh, every smile, every tear or cry of anguish that is shared with others adds more. And it seems that even drawing what we need from it adds more to it.

That's why, in my opinion, places like this are so important. Places where people are willing to share not only information, but themselves. Without this place and places like it (though I wonder, sometimes, if there is ANY place like this!) the spirit pool would soon be dry and I shudder to think of where we'd be then.

I guess this is just my long winded way of saying "thank you for being here".

Dean

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Guest Karen C

Wow, Dean, that is REALLY awesome! I love the spirit pool - the combined spirit pool. And you know, I think one thing about having a support group like this is, when you feel that your own personal pool has about been tapped dry, you get a little refill from someone else's - and so on.

You have some pretty terrific thoughts running through that head of yours - I think you should combine your art and your thoughts into a book, that would be powerful!

Take care,

Karen C. (Dave C's wife)

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good post Dean......

Lets really try and be driven by FAITH. What do u put your faith in? Others, Doctors, yourself? God almighty! yes!

The shortest chapter in the bible (KJV) ? Psalm 117.

The longest chapter in the bible ? Psalm 119.

The middle chapter of the entire bible? Psalm 118.

The middle verse of the entire Bible? Psalm 118:8 "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in Man" ..

and finally the middle two words of the entire bible "the Lord"

Coincidence?

Certainly lets not put our faith in fear. Fear is the enemy.

Joy is possible even in the most trying of times, a belief in the hereafter is essential for continous joy..... regardless of the outcome, when u have faith in God-- you can have joy knowing that His grace is sufficient for you.

God Bless, and here is to Deans great suggestion for a spirit pool !

BTW- the shortest verse in the entire bible? "Jesus wept"

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Well said, Dean. I'm glad you said it. As you sayk no one is ever prepared for cancer or any life-threatening situation. We learn by living through it. We start clueless and get clued in as we go. And the support and sharing we get from each other helps us all through it. Don

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Dean, Do you remember what I said to you on one of your first posts? It was, “I sure do like you” and boy I sure do Dean. You have made a real difference here. I always love to see your name and enjoy when you come to chat.

It’s true, we’re never ready when hard times hit. We think we’ll go along and that tragedy only happens to others and then in one day the whole world changes.

Ok, can’t help it, story time. When I was 23 and just out of college my world changed in one day. I went to the dentist and within hours I was sick. I thought I had food poisoning, I continued to be ill, had fever, chills, finally I broke down and went to a doctor in town. My temperature was 105, and he sent me directly to the hospital. I continued to go downhill. They called in specialists and tested, put me through spinal taps, everything. I was dying, I knew it, I could feel it. My parents came from Michigan and all I could think of is this will be the second daughter they’ve watched die.

Throughout all this believe it or not I still had a sense of humor. There was a doctor that would go by my room. He looked like Huckleberry Hound. Every time he went by he looked in my door, and I laughed at how goofy he looked (bow tie and everything just like Huck). Then one day my doctor came in and told me he was calling in another specialist, an internist he thought might be able to help diagnosis me. I had by this time been in the hospital at least a month with no diagnosis. Who walks in but freaking Huckleberry Hound. I knew I was in trouble then.

He walked in and picked up my hand, looked at it and made the diagnosis from my fingernails. He told me I had endocarditis an infection in my heart valve from the dental cleaning. He made it so quickly because he had lost another girl to the same disease and knew after her autopsy was done how she had died. That girl lost her life to save mine. Things happen in life, you never know where it’s going to take you.

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THANK YOU DEAN! :D:D And to all those who continue to inspire us each day. I am having one of those days, or rather weeks, where I just can't seem to shake the blues. You have lifted my heart today and I am going to print out your post and read it each day, so that I am reminded I am strong enough to handle this and to be there for my mom, dad, brother and SIL. God Bless!

Denise

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Dean,

I, too, enjoy your posts - even your rain clouds carry a silver lining. What an outlook, what an attitude - after all, where would the flowers be if there was never any rain?

One of the things I learned during the "Trials of 2003" was that angels are everywhere. I can't say I've ever experienced worse times (physically after surgery and emotional from diagnosis) nor better times in the caring of friends I didn't even know I had! I had a run-in with my first angel before I was even diagnosed...three days before my consult with the thoracic surgeon, my husband somehow avoided a head-on collision with me in the car. I am not exaggerating on the extent of the accident we avoided as the driver of the other car had to have driven through our rear quarter panel (physics be damned) to hit the guy behind us head on. I really have no idea how she missed us in the realm of the scientific world (first physics law I learned was that two objects cannot occupy the same place at the same time). Had we been in the accident, I would not have made my appointment with the specialist and the story up to now could have been different..

The second angel I met was very unlikely. My third night in the hospital after surgery, an old (older than my dad) man missing some teeth was at the foot of my bed - my night nurse. He was drawn to my room because my age (34) was between the age of his two daughters and he felt a "connection". We talked a little and he asked how I was doing so I voiced to him that I couldn't sleep due to the "Weight Witches" that came in in the wee hours to get my weight, the blood draw an hour or two later, etc. He told me he would do his charts sitting outside my door (yea, right!)... That night, he added Benadryl to my IV so I could sleep and again said he'd be right outside the door... So, when I woke up at 2:00A and quietly said his name, I was pleasantly surprised to hear "You're supposed to be sleeping..." and went back to sleep... He "sat guard" the next two nights for me and was right by my side when there were some nasty side effects from my epidural that had the staff worried about nerve damage or worse (went away when the epidural was removed).

I know that there are many religious people on the board, but I'm not. I guess it's all in perspective....cancer is easier to deal with if you can see that there is still a positive presence such as kindness in others, things that just seem to "work" that at less stressful times wouldn't... Through it all, I've tried to keep my sense of humor (even before surgery - anesthesiologist said "breathe deep" and I said "I know, use 'em while I got 'em"...later to become "I'm NOT short of BREATH, I'm short of LUNG!"...). I think that's the key...take things as they come, take small bites of big problems and chew well...and know that no matter what, when it comes to the life/death issue, we are NOT in control of "when".

Love ya, Dean!

Becky

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Dean

I echo everyones sentiments, I am GLAD you are here. I love reading your posts, you have the best attitude and outlook on life I have ever encountered. You would have made a great counselor. You seem to take such joy in the simplest things, something we should all learn to do. Your posts have touched me deeply many times. Even though we are all here because we either have this horrible disease or a loved one has it we are blessed to have each other to lean on and learn from and be comforted by. I have reaped much more from this message board than I could ever give back and I am so grateful that it is here.

God Bless You

Bess B

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Dean,

Will you be my poster boy?

Your insight into life is so wonderful and so well written. I wish I could write like you do, so that maybe I could inspire people to have those positive thoughts about life even in times of trouble.

You are so beautiful.

Thank you for sharing this very uplifting message.

Much love,

Shirley

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Dean,

Thank you for all the wonderful thoughts you express so well on this board. Yesterday you had such good advice about dealing with the alcoholic father and the enabling mother. I envy your way with words and consider it such a privilege to know you through this forum. You are an inspiritation to all. God Bless

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Hey Dean,

Good job, THANKS I NEEDED IT TODAY!!!! :):):)

keep on keepin on, man, and very good to be a SURVIVOR today!!

God bless and be well!!

Bobmc- NSCLC- stageIIB- left pneumonectomy- 5/2/01

MRI's taken 12/18/03 - 2 brain mets found- named em Frick & Frack

PET taken 1/5 - hot spot in mediastinum May be cancer??

"Absolutely insist on enjoying life today!"

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DeanCarl,

Nice to meet you! It is a good thing that I am not on the "Welcoming Committee!" Ha! I have read your posts often and you are a man of such wisdom. Because of your picture, I always hear the actor Sam Elliott in my head when I read your posts. Ha! Anyway, I especially like the "spirit pool anology." I totally agree with you. These folks are such an inspiration to me. I am in awe of everyone on this board. People are so supportive, despite their own struggles. You included!

Cheryl

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Thank you - you sure have a way of calming me down....I was ready to jump out of my skin tonight and I'm so glad I found your post...

I truly enjoy your posts, your writing flows so well.

Thanks for being the wonderful YOU that you are!!!

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Dean you are so right. I think there is a gift cancer brings us---I think we all have a greater appreciation of life and living every moment; whereas in the past we might not have made as much time for our loved ones, etc. I hate to think that cancer can bring gifts because as far as I am concerned it is the root of all evil and more beastly than anything I can know, but you are right. Thank you for making me realize it.

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OK Dean...another good one!!! I already told you that you are our resident "Andy Landers" and after this inspirational message we need no further proof! You know how much both you and Gay mean to me and what a great inspration you have been in my life lately!!! Thanks for caring and sharing...even when things are going rough for you!!!!

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Dean, my motto in life has always been--No Problems, Only Solutions--Don't concentrate on the problem, concentrate on the solution to the problem. Some things have no solution and the Spirit Pool is a wonderful asset for all of us, especially for those of us who do not always see a clear defined solution to our problems. Who knows what life will bring for me and my family in the future but knowing that there is a vast spirit pool to draw from here, and you pointing it out so eloquintly, makes me feel better. Thank you for your words of wisdom and please keep them coming.

Remember, you are all in my prayers.

David C

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Dean, really enjoy reading all your posts. you tell it from the heart.

this place we come to post and help each other is "the spirit pool" Without everyone on here I could not gather the strength to go day after day. I carry all of you with me day and night. You are all in my thoughts and in my prayers.

YOu have a great gift with words and words is all we have here with each other. Words can make us laugh, cry, give us joy and make us humble. Words from everyone on here helps us carry on each day.

I look at your picture and wonder where you came from. Did God give you to us to help us through these times.........please keep writing.......

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  • 4 years later...

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