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mom is dying...


renee

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Well, the dr. has told me that mom is loosing the battle against the cancer in her lungs. The nurse took me into a little room and sat me down and asked me if I wanted hospice to come in and help me. I said yes. Then she told me that my mommy is dying and that I should prepare. Worst day of my life.

Mom is home now, She insisted on it. The home health nurses come in and give her antibiotics through her "pick line". Which by the way, is clogged and needs repaired.

I never thought in a million years that a dr could talk to me about such technical crap and I would understand what he is talking about.

Mom sleeps all day and has nightmares when she does. She talks in her sleep now, something she never did before, and worries (in her sleep) that she will be sent to a rest home.

I cry all of the time now. Mom never notices, she doesn't know anything now. She is on 11mgs of morphine continous 24/7. She has her little pump and the little button she pushes for her bolus douse. Most times I just push it for her, even if she is asleep.

She has stopped eating, and has stopped going to the bathroom, maybe once a day. She doesn't take in much fluids now.

Sorry, I suppose I could go on and on, I think I'll stop. You all know were this is going.

Please keep those prayers coming this way. We sure do need them now.

Untill next time,

Renee

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Dear Renee,

There are no adequate or magic words to help you through this terribly difficult time. Hospice can be a great service. Be sure to tell them about your mom's nightmares. Our mom was having severe panic attacks and the nurse gave her some medicine that helped her; maybe something can be done to ease your mom's anxieties. I really hope you have someone to aid you through all this.

You go right ahead and cry as much as you need; I wish I could offer more practical help.

If you haven't already read it, the following link might be helpful. I found the information to be Right-On-the-Mark as I looked back at what happened with both my mom and dad; they were able to spend their last days on this earth in their own home and bed with family around them, thanks to the help of Hospice.

http://www.crossingthecreek.com./

Keeping you in my prayers.

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Renee, I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

As was said before, there is not much I can say that will ease your pain, but I am praying for you and your mom, that you have the strength and comfort you need, and that your mom be comforted and peaceful.

I wish I lived close by and could be there to hold your hand, offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on. But as I am here just know that a virtual hug is sent to you ((((((HUG)))))) and We will always be here for you to talk to, vent, and cry to.

God Bless...

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Renee, Hospice will be of great help to you and your mom. There is nothing to make it "easy", but they will be of help in tending to your moms pain, and yours, too.

Your mom has been very lucky to have your help and support-and I'm sure you'd not have it any other way, either. I can't imagine how it will be when it is my parents time, whenever that will be.

Cry, let it out. Tell your mom everything that you want to or need to say, so that nothing goes unsaid. Even if you're not sure that she is hearing you, say it anyway. I remember reading somewhere that the hearing is the last of the senses to "go", I don't know if its true. But I believe that your words will get through, and will serve as a comfort to you, later on.

I know it has been so hard for you and your mom-going through this. I wish I had some magic to sprinkle over and make everything better. Were we all able to be there with you, in person, we would. Please continue to vent here; know that you are in alot of peoples prayers.

Try to take care, Love, deb

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Guest sharon

Please do talk to Mom... I strongly believe that she can hear all that is going on around her - We lost my Mother in law to cancer alittle over a year ago, and we thought she was in a coma, but when we went to remove her false teeth... She clamped down so hard she almost bit off the nurses finger!!! She heard everything. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I would suggest that you give mom permission to leave. Sometimes people hold on because they know you will be devastated and I found it comforting to tell my mother in law that it was alright if she had to leave and that we would all be okay. She died very shortly after I had that "talk" with her. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers... I know your Mom knows how very much you love her. Love, Sharon

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Renee,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I really wish there was something more I could do besides praying.

I want to echo Tiny's comments. I lost both my mom and dad to lung cancer and both times hospice came. They really made it easier to deal with the day to day things and took care of alot of things we just didn't know how to. I think both my parents were pleased to be at home with loved ones surrounding them.

You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

Teet

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On Monday I attend the viewing of a collegue's 31 year old daughter who lost her battle with leukemia. She told us that the last two weeks, when they knew Sandi was dying, helped prepare them for the idea of her passing on.

And may I share this thought, which I don't often: I have often thought what it would be like if the cancer won the battle. I would hope that time would be used to prepare my family. A friend helped her mother decide what dress the mother would be buried in.

And I can only begin to imagine your pain.

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Hi Renee, these must be very difficult times for you; it sounds like you could use one of those "never ending, huge, silent hugs", that always seem to fix whatever is broken. But sometimes you can't fix it. I have a HUGE lump in my throat as I try to write something that will help ease your pain. One thing a good friend of mine told me after his father passed away was to not just focus on the imminent death of a terminally ill loved one; but to balance those sorrowful feelings with all the good and happy times you have had with them, and even with all their accomplishments over the years - sort of celebrating their LIFE, while they're still with you. My friend wrote his father a letter - kind of a trip down memory lane - that included all the fun things they used to do together, along with things that showed how his father had positively influenced people throughout his life ( It's a Wonderful Life kind of idea). He read the letter to his father almost every day for the last week and a half. He said it really lifted his spirits, and those who came to visit, instead of dwelling on the inevitable.

Take care Renee, you and your family have my prayers,

David

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Guest hopeful2

Renee, I do know how you are feeling. I went through this with my dad. He died April 2000 with prostate cancer/mets to lung and bone. I had him at home with hospice care. Just stay close and talk to her, they say hearing is the last thing to go and I believe it is too. At the end, even after my dad had been in a coma, I told him I loved him and he replied, "I love you too". Tell her everything you have always wanted to tell her. She'll know.

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I just lost my Dad last Monday to nsclc. I went though something pretty similiar...my Dad was too weak at the end to push the button for more morphine and so we pushed it for him...you could tell he needed it when he started getting restless and agitated. Please read the website www.crossingthecreek.com...I read it and it really helped me feel so much better about the whole morphine situation. If your mom's mouth gets dry try misting it with water every 30-60 minutes...this will help alot especially if she is on oxygen....to make her more comfortable.

If you need any support or have any questions...ask me. I definitely know what you are going through.

I am so sorry we are both going through this...what a bitter end to a good fight.

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Many great things have been said here. I went thru the same thing just last month with my mom. I had thr privlage of being there when she passed away. After such a struggle it was a blessing to be there with her; holding her had when she left this earth she was at peace. I even spent the night so I could be there with her. Do tell her it's okay for her to go and anything else you want to tell her.

My children wrote letters to place in the casket, so did I and also my dad. Letter writing is very helpful and healing. I miss her so much she was only 63. I wish you the best, Shelly

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Guest canuckwebgrrl

Renee,

I can't even imagine how difficult this must be, but I wanted to say that I hope you find help/support from others on the board who have been through the same experience.

Sending positive thoughts your way,

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