Carleen Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 I started to feel like this time in our lives is like standing in our back lot in the night. All the trees are dark and ominous, the once beautiful garden is shrouded in shadows and gray. I can look all around, but I can't see what is ahead of me. My footing is unsure and what should be familiar surroundings are now edged with fear and apprehension. But in the middle of this field there are occassional flashes of light. Like the light of the fireflies, a brief glow lights up like a magical spark. Normally a person would go through and not notice the tiny insects, you need to stop and look in order to see how amazing it is; how they light up the night like a thousand little miracles all around us. You may look behind you and see mulitudes of bright spots. You can look ahead and be assured that sooner or later there will be another miraculous moment. So here I stand in the gloom waiting and looking for that next flash of light. I scan the evening sky for the small miracles now instead of the shining glory that comes in the daylight. And doing this I feel lucky. Life lately has been so black and white. Very rarely is there any middle ground, any gray space when dealing with cancer. This past weekend was so wonderful to me, that I keep thinking about it, and how wonderful and grateful I am for these days beautiful days. Friday was simple, we worked and after work a couple of old friends of Keith's came over to "jam". Keith is a drummer, and when he was 18-20 he was in a speed metal band. His old band mates came over and they played their old songs and reminisced and wrote some new music and promised to get together every other week to jam. At the end of the night, Keith was so happy and one big smile from ear to ear. He was rejuvenated and excited about something. It was great. Saturday we went out to dinner and decided to see a movie. keith wanted to see Starsky and Hutch but it isn't out yet, so we went to the theater to see whatever was playing and it was like fate. We arrive and they were haveing a one time showing of Starsky and Hutch sneak preview and it was right at the time we arrived. It was really funny. Sunday we went to church, and Keith, still pumped up from jamming on Friday wanted to stop at the music store on the way home. We wound up spending hours there and left with a new drum throne, a Yamaha keyboard for midi recording and a few small items. It was like Christmas. Keith went straight home and opened all his presents and played with his toys all night. We just laughed a lot and enjoyed each other's company. It was simple and normal and wonderful. I started thinking about the way my emotions have been running lately. For no reason, I get down. Other days are so blissful and blessed for no reason. The best days are days those that others would think are boring and normal, but I truly thank God for each and every one of them. I also thank God for each and every one of you, for without you I doubt I would be at a place in this journey where I could take each day for what it is and not look into the dark void of the future. I just wanted to say Thank You Carleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Carleen, you write beautifully. What creative expression! And I am so glad Keith got focused on something he is excited about. Music and friends are precious gifts. Blessings to you both. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Oh Carleen, You really are a beautiful person, When reading your post I felt like I was right there with you, you certainly do have a gift for writing...All you can do is just enjoy Keith right now, I think cancer does make us realize, to enjoy what we have because no one knows how long any of us will be here.. It makes you think completely different than before it creeped its way into our lives. Cancer did take my dad from me, but it sure taught me so much about life, compassion, and so much more... I can see it is doing the same to you, life is just so different.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David A Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 ok Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Carleen that was so beautiful....and I agree, when I wake up now I thank God for giving me another day to be with my children and my husband and my mom...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandyS Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Darn it - now you're making ME cry! That was beautiful. Not just your writing - but the beauty of love for each other.... Hugs, SandyS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlton Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Hi Carleen What a beautiful post. Enjoy your time together and the love you share. Carlton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 I hope you have many more of those lights ahead of you. Normal is always the best part of life. We just don't always realize it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaMRG Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Absolutely beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Carleen, You said it so beautifully. Before cancer came into our lives, most of us took each day for granted but when cancer came or any life threatening illness, we open our eyes and our hearts to a new life. We see that all those things we thought were so important, new cars, vacations, tv, etc, were nothing compared to just plan love and devotion to one another and to take each day and live it to the fullest. Don't put off till tomorrow, do it today. If our bodies cannot do it today, have hope for tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 This was such a bitter-sweet piece Carleen, you almost had me in tears. Dave and I have been doing the "simple" things too, to "Starbucks" for latte and mocha- malt- frappachino's,, (mine's the latte and Dave's is the mmf.) to the book store to browse around and just working on our hobbies together. (Dave makes or runs his model trains and I paint portraits.) We have always been close, however I think this time has brought us closer than we have ever been ! God Bless you both, Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Carleen, I am honored to belong to this group of people, cut out from the populace by a disease diagnosis but then given such a rare gift... to be able to see moment to moment, the beauty of the small things. To quote something Dave W wrote a while ago, ""You so very eloquently put how I feel daily. It's a humbling experience to be given such a gift, even at this terrible price! God Bless, Dave"" Enjoy each day, Carleen, with its joys and love... XOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 No, thank you Carleen. The knowledge and insight that you have for someone so young is astounding. I hope you have millions of more just 'every days' with your wonderful Keith. Love, Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Carleen, You and Keith have truly been blessed and have blessed us all by sharing your love and insight with us on this board. May the gifts you give come back to the both of your tenfold. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 How absolutely beautiful are your words and your love. May those fireflies (or lightening bugs, as we call them down here in the south) light your way and bring beauty into your life for a long time to come. Blessings, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAY A Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 I think we should be thanking you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David P Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 I could read your posts all afternoon Carleen. Very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Carleen, That was beautiful. I wish you and Keith many more fireflies (I'm with TeeTaa, they're lighten' bugs where I came from!) -- and many more jam sessions, evenings with friends, movies and "normal" days and nights! BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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