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Aims

I'm a newcomer...

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I've visited this site a few times but just registered tonight. I've been inspired, moved, educated & comforted by what I've read here!

Thank you!

I found out a month ago that the love of my life probably has lung cancer. X-rays show 4 small spots on his lung. He is an otherwise very healthy & young 43 years old, but is in total denial & not willing to have any more tests or start treatment. He refuses to talk about it & he hasn't confided in anyone other than me. I find myself slipping into denial as well, but realize I can't have that "luxury". I lost my precious mother to cancer less than 2 years ago & I won't let this hideous disease sneak into our lives again without a fight! I've tried everything I can think of to get him to snap out of it & go back to the doctor, but he just calmly deflects all of my attempts. I'm at a loss & so thankful to have a place to vent & gain insight. Thank you, again!

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He must see a doctor and get treatment. If it is lung cancer the sooner the better. I know it must be hard to talk to him about it...denial is understandable but very dangerous frame of mind. Ask him to come here...there are many who would jump at the chance to have caught it early. He is young, in good health...good chance of survival IF he does something about it NOW! It could be scar tissue or something else on his lungs...he NEEDS further treatment. I wish you the best of luck.

Nina

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A month without knowing for sure! It must be awfully hard on both of you. Maybe with the time passing he will adjust and just clean it up. Find out. What if it is TB or something else? My heart goes out to you. The best part is he has a lot going for him, he has the best chance but the sooner the better. Maybe if you can just catch him in the right mood. Maybe if you tell him how much you worry he will do it for you. We didn't even suspect cancer but my hubby wouldn't go to the doctor either, at first, but finally went for pain relief. As soon as he said the word, I jumped on it. He's been very concientious ever since though, doing everything they said.

I wish I had an answer for you. Best of luck and please keep in touch.

Margaret

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Time is of the essense here. It could mean the difference between life and death as I am sure you are aware. But sometimes you just can't get someone to move past the fears. I am praying that Your hon will change their mind and do what is needful to ensure the best outcome for you both.

Blessings

Betty

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Sorry to hear he won't get to the bottom of this. Until he has a biopsy, you will not know for sure if its cancer or not, thats why its imparitive that he gets it done now. I understand that denial is a hard thing to break through but you must get him to finish the test and then if it isn't cancer than you will both have peace of mind. You must somehow make him see the gravity of the situation. Please don't fall into the denial trap yourself.

Keep coming back here for yourself and maybe someone will be able to give you the right approach to cut through the denial.

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There must be something that will motivate him that is stronger than his fear of what this might be!!

A little over a year ago, I had a CT scan of my chest due to muscle problems....and the possibility that it was a matter of oxygen to the muscles. Two very small nodules (approx. 2 mm. each) were found in one lung. My doctor told me they were "nothing"....that he sees nodules like this "all the time"....BUT we DID need to follow up on them to be sure.

So...some eight months later I had another scan to follow up on the two nodules. They were still there....unchanged....BUT, in the meanwhile there was another patch in that lung AND some swollen lymph nodes that turned out to be small cell lung cancer.

My point here...is that those four small spots on his lung MAY be something other than a malignancy. If so...wouldn't it be great to reduce the worry and/or fear that it's cancerous?

But if they are NOT benign....as others have said, time is always of the essence with this disease. Some cancers are slow growers.....but others are very aggressive...and in either case, the sooner cancer is caught and treated, the better!

I hope you can find some way to motivate him to continue with testing until you know exactly what this is. As someone who's going through treatment for cancer...I can tell you that while I'd rather be out playing golf and living my life as it was before cancer.....all it all, treatment hasn't been that bad. Denial might be part of the normal emotional process we all go through, to varying degrees....but it's not a good place in which to remain stuck. :(

I hope you can convince the love of your life to head back to his doctor. Best of luck to you...and keep us posted. You'll find lots of support here.

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Hi Aims and WELCOME. I, too, hope your love will change his mind to get some further testing done. Be patient with him. It takes time to get past the fears. Maybe you can print this thread, or some other posts where the disease has been caught early and ask him to read them. Even though he has you, he probably feels all alone and scared. When he sees so many others going through the same thing it might help.

Stay with us, please, and keep us posted.

God bless you,

Peggy

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Welcome! With cancer, what yuu don't know WILL kill you. The cancer, if that is what it is (determined by biopsy), will continue to grow and spread. If it is caught early, surgery is possible. If he waits until it has spread beyong the lung, then surgery will not be an option and more unpleasant treatments are in store. I hope he comes to his senses. Don't let up on urging him to get the care he needs. Don

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If need be, print out the responses you have received and make him read them. These are my opinions only and you may not agree with them.

His denial is hurting you as much as it is hurting him.

He has a chance to survive and may well be throwing it away.

It may be nothing and if so why is he torturing himself and you needlessly.

I know he is scared (been there), but he has NO OPTION.

You must push, if you don't you will feel guilty forever, get some help if needed....family, church, friends. Cancer is no longer in the closet.

It "ok" for a man to feel scared and to cry.

This is as much for you as him.

Here for you

jim

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You say you found out he has 4 spots on his lung? Was this by chest xray or by CT scan? Did he have them biopsied? Are they on one lobe of lung? or spred in different lobes? 43 years old is much too young to just give up without a fight. Perhaps you can work on this male pride part of him. If he has not had a pet scan or ct scan or biopsy at least get these scheduled to find out for sure what you are dealing with. Is it just a nodule or is it a cancerous tumor? Please let us know how you are doing getting him motivated to find out what is going on and what options for treatment are available. Donna G

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Hi Aims,

WOW!!! A month and nothing has been done? I agree with many of the other opinions but one month is already to long to wonder about what is going on. Get a second and third opinion. Travel if you have to, but don't wait. With cancer everything is TRUE or FALSE. There are no multiple choice questions or mutiple choice answers. Tell your husband that as an former high school coach I say if he wants to stay in the game he has to quit whining and grow up about the facts of life. I did not choose to get lung cancer but it is now an assignment in life that I deal with every day. I want to stay in the game. The other choice only brings sadness and hardship on the family. Also, please take good notes at his appointments. Your specific information will be valuable for help when you post next time. Now go do the right thing.

Bud

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Hi Aims,

Allow me to add to my previous post that there is hope in the Lord and prayer has done marvelous things. This evening during our prayer time my wife and I will pray for your husbands courage to face what lies ahead. Our Grace Group will also add him to our list needs.

Bud

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There are many things that four small nodules can be.... and there are many different types of cancer that can involve the lungs, some of which are very treatable. I know you have really tried to get him to see his doc but can his family doc bring him around. I have been stage four for two years with a very high quality of life. Since I had multiple nodules I was initially told there were many NONMALIGNANT (non cancerous) possibilities as well! Keep the faith.

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Not knowing is lethal for both of you. Maybe you can work from that angle. He probably is afraid of what a cancer dx would mean to you, since you have already gone through it once. Can you implore him to get further testing for YOUR sake, as not knowing is so agonizing. My heart goes out to you.

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Aims,

So sorry you had to find us. What did the doctors say? Did they send him for follow up and he refuses to go?

Maybe try some tough love and "threaten" him to get his butt back to the dr. Keep us posted!

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welcome to the site, aims. i'm sorry to hear about your significant other's condition. i agree that he really needs to see the doctor, but i know that it must be incredibly difficult for you since he isn't ready to face it. please be persistent. ultimately he knows that you are "nagging" him because you care, so don't feel bad about it.

God bless,

mj

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Thank you all for responding to my post. I don't have anything new to report. He's been out of town & will be back tomorrow. I hope & pray that he will be refreshed & ready to get down to business. I'll keep you all posted. I can't tell you how all of your responses touched me; you will ALL be in my prayers!

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First let me welcome you to our board and your reaching out may save his life! It may not be cancer at all but I need to be frank... My Brother was diagnoised in mid Jan five months later on June 11th he passed away at age 46! Cancer is not something you ignore. Its serious business here. He needs to find out what it is , what can be done and get on it!! Even his reaching out to you says he isent totally ignoring it or diregarding it.. he wants to know and HAS to know. Do the most loving thing you can do and push his *ss to the DR 's!! My prayers are with you both.

God Bless,

Jane

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Welcome Aims, Your story rings a bell with me all to well. My husband

went months with a baseball sized mass on his neck. He refused to see a

doctor no matter what I said or did. Finaly the pain made him seek medical attention. After the cat scan a nodule was found on his lung and

my husband went into denial about the nodule. We were fortunate this

turned out to be infection. Because if it had been cancer he had waited so

long to seek medical attention I dread to think of how much it would of

spread. I feel for you because I know what its like wanting to break through that denial wall. My heart goes out to you and wish you the very

best of luck. Haylee

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My husband is another one who hates to go to the dr. and certainly doesn't want bad news.

The one approach that gets through to him is to make him stand in my shoes. If I were you, I'd ask him "And how would you feel if I found 4 breast lumps and refused to see a doctor?"

No matter how scary those 4 spots are, they aren't likely to go away by themselves. The only chance to get rid of them is to go back to the dr.

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Hi Aimes, Sorry I am late posting. Like the others have said, time is of essence here. I for one hated to go to doctor. You could not drag me there. Got a sniffle... go to the doctor....pay 100.00 for office visit and an x-ray....take some tylnol and be better tomorrow. We all know a man's defination of a sniffle.....sore throat...no appetite and just lay around and be lazy...lol

I only had a horse voice and my co-workers had to force me to the doctor. After all their nagging I went. Result....NSCLC.

After my dx, all this changed. I now call at the drop of a hat. I am not trying to discourage you or your S/O but mearly trying to let you know he is not alone. Like another said, use tough love if needed. He will thank you for it. If it should be cancer, then you caught it before it got out of hand. If not cancer then perhaps you both can look back and smile. Please don't leave us in the cold here. When he gets to the doctor, please post and let us know. WE CARE.

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I think the best advice is to find out what is going on. My dads dx came just in time. If he would have waited, I dont know where he would be right now. Either way, he caught it in time to be able to get treatment, then surgery and is now NED. I hope your guy gets his info soon, it could make the world of difference...

Welcome, and keep us posted!

Jamie

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Hi Aims -

Sorry for the late reply!

I understand your Husbands response, but like everyone else has already said....he has to follow up on this. Not to discourage you but they found a 1.3cm tumor on my lung. I did not have any testing done, there was a tumor/growth/foreign thing there that sould not be there, I scheduled surgery immediatly to have it cut out. It was cancer but....3 out of 17 lymph nodes had cancer cells in them. I went from Stage 1 to Stage 3A NSLC in a matter of minutes. It is so important to follow up on this as soon as possible.

There is a cure out there and we will find it! Good luck to you!

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