DeanCarl Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 As a couple of folks have noted I haven't posted much to the board lately. The reasons behind this have nothing to do with the recent "flaps" here. I usually do not get involved with those kind of things and didn't really this time. The truth is I've taken a bit of a downward turn over the last couple of weeks. As I stated in a previous message I'm dealing with very low blood pressure. The meds I was given raised the blood pressure, but I had to stop taking them 'cause they caused severe diahrea and dehydration. So now my blood pressure is dropping again. Oh well, I'd MUCH rather deal with making sure there's a wall or chair handy than taking up permenent residentcy in the bathroom! I've gotten much weaker over the last couple of weeks also. So far I am still able to take care of my personal needs and get around the apartment as long as I only try to do one thing at a time, but I can see the day comming when that will no longer be possible. I've had to up the pain meds again and THAT is the real reason I haven't posted much. I end up being pretty foggy headed a lot of the time and, while there is much I would like to say to so many of you here it becomes kinda difficult, at times, to put those thoughts in a coherant (sp?) message. The above sounds like a real downer ... but please, PLEASE don't take it as such. None of what is going on with me physically was unexpected and none of it is getting to me emotionally. I simply refuse to let it. I still spend the major part of my day trying to find ways to enjoy it. The bird feeder outside my window is a big hit with the local featherd population, the little gecko lizards still drive the cats crazy by sunning themselves just in front of the screen door where the cats can't get at them, the garden (surprizingly enough) is still blooming (I think due to a very cool summer we've had this year for this part of the world) and, most importantly, I still have Gay here with me each and every day. The biggest lesson I think I've learned over the last months is that life can be lived, and lived fully and joyfully, no matter what a persons situation might be. I always had thought that one of the worst things that could happen to me would be to be stuck in the house. And yet, though I haven't been able to get outside except for twice in the last 2 months I've found there ARE ways to enjoy my life. Don Wood said it a long time ago ... it's all about enjoying the things we CAN do and not dwelling on the things we can't. A quick note to the newcommers here. You have come to us at a time when we lost some folks who were very precious to us. From what you've read you might think that the battle you've entered into is a futile one. But that is simply not true! You'll find that the monster doesn't allways win. There are a ton of folks right here on this board that are alive and doing well LONG after any statistics or doctor's perdictions ever thought they'd be. And even when the monster has done it's worst, did it really "win"? Does anyone here really believe that the monster "won" over Tbone? Or DavidA? Or beckyg? Or the Duke? Or all the others who came here and gave so much of themselves so that we could deal with this illness a little better each day and have now moved on to whatever comes next in the journey we all are on? *I* sure don't believe it! Not for one minute! I've said this before and I'll keep on saying it because it's true. This illness may kill me ... it will NEVER beat me! There is much more I'd like to say, but I'm getting tired again and Law and Order is comming on in 10 minutes! I'll post again when I can. In the meantime please know that I'm on every day to see how you all are doing and that I think about you a lot. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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