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Time for an update.


DeanCarl

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As a couple of folks have noted I haven't posted much to the board lately. The reasons behind this have nothing to do with the recent "flaps" here. I usually do not get involved with those kind of things and didn't really this time.

The truth is I've taken a bit of a downward turn over the last couple of weeks. As I stated in a previous message I'm dealing with very low blood pressure. The meds I was given raised the blood pressure, but I had to stop taking them 'cause they caused severe diahrea and dehydration. So now my blood pressure is dropping again. Oh well, I'd MUCH rather deal with making sure there's a wall or chair handy than taking up permenent residentcy in the bathroom! :)

I've gotten much weaker over the last couple of weeks also. So far I am still able to take care of my personal needs and get around the apartment as long as I only try to do one thing at a time, but I can see the day comming when that will no longer be possible.

I've had to up the pain meds again and THAT is the real reason I haven't posted much. I end up being pretty foggy headed a lot of the time and, while there is much I would like to say to so many of you here it becomes kinda difficult, at times, to put those thoughts in a coherant (sp?) message.

The above sounds like a real downer ... but please, PLEASE don't take it as such. None of what is going on with me physically was unexpected and none of it is getting to me emotionally. I simply refuse to let it. I still spend the major part of my day trying to find ways to enjoy it. The bird feeder outside my window is a big hit with the local featherd population, the little gecko lizards still drive the cats crazy by sunning themselves just in front of the screen door where the cats can't get at them, the garden (surprizingly enough) is still blooming (I think due to a very cool summer we've had this year for this part of the world) and, most importantly, I still have Gay here with me each and every day.

The biggest lesson I think I've learned over the last months is that life can be lived, and lived fully and joyfully, no matter what a persons situation might be. I always had thought that one of the worst things that could happen to me would be to be stuck in the house. And yet, though I haven't been able to get outside except for twice in the last 2 months I've found there ARE ways to enjoy my life. Don Wood said it a long time ago ... it's all about enjoying the things we CAN do and not dwelling on the things we can't.

A quick note to the newcommers here. You have come to us at a time when we lost some folks who were very precious to us. From what you've read you might think that the battle you've entered into is a futile one. But that is simply not true! You'll find that the monster doesn't allways win. There are a ton of folks right here on this board that are alive and doing well LONG after any statistics or doctor's perdictions ever thought they'd be.

And even when the monster has done it's worst, did it really "win"? Does anyone here really believe that the monster "won" over Tbone? Or DavidA? Or beckyg? Or the Duke? Or all the others who came here and gave so much of themselves so that we could deal with this illness a little better each day and have now moved on to whatever comes next in the journey we all are on? *I* sure don't believe it! Not for one minute!

I've said this before and I'll keep on saying it because it's true. This illness may kill me ... it will NEVER beat me!

There is much more I'd like to say, but I'm getting tired again and Law and Order is comming on in 10 minutes! :)

I'll post again when I can. In the meantime please know that I'm on every day to see how you all are doing and that I think about you a lot.

Dean

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Hey there Dean.

I haven't been around much lately either, but I sure enjoy your attitude and what you have to say, and the way you say it. I can imagine myself logging on for the first time and reading this, your latest post, and feeling better off for it. You are definitely an asset to the people on this message

board. Do you ever let the cats out for a little fun? Take care Dean,

David P.

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oh wow. it is so good to hear from you. you always have such inspiring things to say. your perspective on life and this disease is nothing short of amazing. always see the glass half full -- i have always had trouble doing that. but i admire you so much for your kind words and thoughts and mostly for your optimism (with such witty splashes of humor!). i guess, to sum it up, i'm just trying to say thank you. i'm sorry to hear that you haven't been feeling so well during the past few weeks. my heartfelt prayers are with you and gay.

God bless you,

mj

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How did you get to be so darn smart?!?! Your message is just so appropriate, and exactly what I needed to read tonight. Thank you so much.

I think about you and Gay very often, and can picture y'all sitting there watching the birds and enjoying one another's company. Please know that I wish you both much love and peace as you deal with this horrible disease.

Praying for us all,

TeeTaa

P.S. I really needed to read something about TBone tonight, to know that he hasn't been forgotten. So thanks for that too.

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Hello Dean,

We have been missing you! I am sorry to hear you have been feeling lousy again. Your fighting spirit, however , is an inspiration. I thought my Husband could do with hearing your post so I read it to him and he was quite touched by it. I love the way you take us for a little "nature walk" outside your door, I always look forward to that. You and Gay are always on my prayer list.

Paddy

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Dean, thanks.

I sent you a PM and I'm so glad to hear from you, please don't take any energy to reply to that. I just care about you and was a little concerned.

TeeTaa - I think I'm with you, for some reason I needed to hear these wise words myself, too!

Dean - you know, I think sometimes I'll be more than sad and really miss you when you're gone, but then I remind myself the only reason I know you at all is because of this darn disease . . . . so the reason we have you in our lives is the very reason you may be taken from us.

Kinda weird.

God Bless,

Karen C.

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Dean,

I mentioned in another post that I have become a "professional lurker" the past few months and I always look for your postings first because you have always been so helpful to me and my family. You always lift my spirits and for that I am forever grateful.

It was so good hearing from you tonight. Keep in touch with us! You are dearly loved and appreciated.

Cheri

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Dean,

It was good to hear your unique and very wise voice tonight. I've missed you and have been praying for you and Gay -- and will continue to. You are an inspiration to so many of us -- That sounds trite, maybe, but in your case it's so true. From my heart, thank you for making the effort to write and share your life with us.

BeckyCW

P.S. Hugs to Gay.

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Oh Dean....what an inspiration you are...no matter what lies ahead of you, you ARE a survivor.

You said, so succinctly, what I felt about my Mom. Cancer didn't "beat" her. She got the disease, but she played it out on HER terms, just as you are. I wish you two would have known each other.....that would have been a great afternoon over good food and cold beer.

God bless you and you'll forever be in my prayers.

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Dean Carl....So glad for the update. Sorry to hear you are not feeling well, still you have such an upbeat attitude. I am learning so much from you, and the others on this board,,,,,,about strength through adversity. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings

Annjael

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Dean--

Thank you for finding the energy to post.

I'm sorry to read that the low blood pressure meds had such side effects; but I prefer to imagine you on the couch watching the furry, feathered, and scaly creatures interact then confined to the powder-room. :)

I've been trying to attract pigeons with birdfeed to entertain my family's darling, energetic, 16+ year old cat--she goes CRAZY at the sight of them (and hates the window!!!). I'm most likely the only New York City girl who is trying to ATTRACT pigeons (fairly or not, the have the reputation of "flying rats" here in NYC).

Right now the dear feline is on a vacation in the country. I miss her terribly, but am happy she's not cooped up here in the apartment with me.

Happy to hear from you--your posts are always thoughtful and wise. They mean a great deal to us.

Lurking or posting--you and Gay are always in our thoughts.

Fondly,

Melinda

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Dean...you are the E.F. Hutton of this place! When you talk.....people listen! :wink:

It's good to hear from you....and while I'm sorry you've not been feeling spunkier...I have great faith in your ability to wring the most good out of every day, every moment!

There is nothing to fault in the way you view and approach Life....and you do now, and will always stand as an inspiration to the rest of us. Thank you.....just for being you!

Best to you and Gay.

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