Carleen,
I just saw your recent post and am so upset. As others have said, you MUST, IMMEDIATELY, go stay with either a good friend or family member.
You also need to speak with someone that deals in losses of this magnitude.
I can only imagine how you're feeling, and unfortunately, any words I may have, I know are only words right now. You need to get through this terrible time with one-on-one help. There is probably medication that may help relieve some of the pain you are experiencing.
You know we all love you here, but just for now, you need more.
Please take care,
Joan