Rachel,
I'm sorry you have been so upset. Early in treatment, it was also very difficult for me to make plans for the future. But, as you survive this WILL get easier. As I would talk with my family about my feelings of uncertainty and lost hope, my older sister would always chime in and say "Jamie, you are not going to die today"..She was so right!!! The future is not certain for anyway but I am certainly here now. On the other hand, The gift I was given through cancer is by truly knowing that I can make the best out of today and that I experience things in a totally different way than most. Those specials hugs from my children (they mean so much more to us), that deep breath you take when you thank God for this day (means so much more), the "I love you's from your family and friends....I could go on and on with these once simple everyday things.
I am not sure that those feelings of uncertainty ever go away but they can certainly can be overshadowed by the beautiful experiences that only we have come to know so well. A friend from the board said something that also really stuck...She said, you are never really normal again..you have a new normal...Wow..how true is that... Now I embrace that fact and make the best out of it...
You are now a survivor!!!
God Bless You!!!
Jamie