gail p-m

My father has been deteriorating rapidly during the past 3 months. The oncologist spoke to my sister tonight and said there are new spots on the lungs. My father is simply too weak and tired to withstand any further treatment. We were supposed to be going to the onc. on Wednesday but the onc. said we don't need to have the appt. Going anywhere is difficult for my father and it's not going to change anything - except that the doctor would be the one to tell him that he wants to call hospice in. So my sister and I need to tell my father about hospice and we don't know how. By the way, my father is beginning to have major issues with confusion too. If you've had to tell a loved one this difficult news, how have you gone about it? I don't want to take hope away, although I do feel like it's gone tonight. gail p-m UPDATE: My sister and I called oncologists office for advice on this (we figured we'd ask hospice for suggestions) and receptionist suggested that oncologist be the one to tell my Dad. We talked to oncologist and he was going to use the word "hospice" but also say that he has seen people withdrew from hospice programs because they began to do better.... We couldn't hide the word hospice from my Dad. He's always been a straightforward individual with whom you could never "sugar coat" anything. That's his nature. So the oncologist did phone after making sure I was home. My father, true to his nature, was very quiet about things and when I probed admitted it was not unexpected though until then "you can always hope against hope". This morning hospice called to make an appt for tomorrow night and he did say something about them lining up for the bodies. My heart is broken and tears keep coming and going Yes, my Dad is 82 but it's never long enough. He's so weak and tired now. I just see the life ebbing from him each day. Thank you for all your helpful replies and pms on this subject. gail p-m

Great news, Rhonda. May you have many, many more years to celebrate. gail p-m

Great news, Terrie. May you enjoy many, many more such anniversaries. gail p-m

(((( Randy))) gail p-m

Enjoyed this question. Probably 35 when my youngest was 2 and my oldest was 9. Those years just went so fast that I can hardly remember them. I htink with my "aged" wisdom, I'd relax and enjoy them more too. gail p-m

Really do appreciate all that you do Randy! Thank you so much. gail p-m

Way to go, Jamie!!! So glad for the good news. gail p-m

Congratulations. May you enjoy many, many more years of survivorship! gail p-m

This is cute Ann. I will be passing this one on to others! gail p-m

Cute! Cute! Cute! Loved it! gail p-m

Frank, Where in the world do you fine these? heh! Heh!

Way to go, Kasey!! gail p-m

WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! Just thrilled for the both of you - Will pray the good news keeps coming for Lucie -- does she deserve this! gail p-m

My father's phlegm that he brings up from his couging is usually slightly green. Sometimes it's tinged with a bit of blood and at other times it has some brownish spots. Today, the phlegm that he has brought up is quite bloody. I asked him and he told me that he does have some days where it is bloody and then it changes back. He's not the most reliable source because he's feeling tired and discouraged and he's also color blind! Just wondering if others have this experience where the amount of blood in the phlegm varies on a day to day basis. Thanks. gail p-m

I keep meaning to really go through my clothes closet because I haven't worn some of the clothes in at least 5 years but keep telling myself that I will one day.

Question 1: I am with my Dad right now and can stay throughout the summer since I am a teacher. He has deteriorated a lot in the last couple of months. He has lost much weight and is weak and unsteady on his feet. Dad sleeps a good part of the day away. It's evident that he can't take care of his bills anymore and other such personal business. When my sister and I have gently mentioned that we'll take care of bill paying and having someone else take care of some personal matters (we just don't have the expertise to deal with some of it), he brushes us off. I hate, absolutely hate, having to suggest we take over bill paying... but with second notices arriving and his confusion as to whether things have paid, we have to. Dad is a proud man and has remained independent throughout the almost 6 years of dealing with cancer. I know this is tough for him. How do we get him to turn over his "affairs" without crushing him? Question 2: Although Dad can still do "personal care", he cannot cook (though he barely eats), can no longer drive himself to doctor's appts., can't get down the steps to do his laundry, can't shop... I've got this all covered right now but when I need to leave, something has to be done. My sister lives close by but she works full-time and can't meet all of these needs either. I'd like to get a social worker to come in to tell us what's available to help him but I don't know how to bring this up to Dad. It would be like telling him that I'm abandoning him and "the end is near." Question 3: I know it is best for the cancer patient to remain in his own home as long as possible. This may not be possible much longer. I am certainly willing to take him to my home which is 3000 miles away. (I'm not even sure this is possible since it's in a different country and our medical resources are already strained...) If I could work out the medical details, would this be a really detrimental thing for my Dad. I should point out that he would not be leaving a social support network. He has acquaintances but no "close" friends. He has relied on my sister for a long time. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. gail p-m

Ralph -- Glad NED is your buddy; he's a good one. Hoping he remains with you for a long time to come. gail p-m

Talking with my children -- they're almost all grown now -- and I miss them lots. gail p-m

2 tickets -- 1 for failing to come to a COMPLETE stop at railroad tracks and the other one was for making a left turn and going directly into the right line (since I had to make a right immediately) --- yes, major "big time" tickets. gail p-m

Oh, I do like the idea of a medicinal cranberry spritzer each day! gail p-m

Bill, You were a wonderful caretaker, your wife fought this God awful disease "tooth and nail" and your son was caring, concerned and involved throughout the battle. You and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers. gail p-m

Tiff's Mom Like the others, I am so, so sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis and esepcially at such a young age. I have 4 children, all in their 20's, and can't begin to imagine what she and you are going through. She does sound like one special young lady. As others have said, keep asking questions, research and always keep the option open of going for a second opinion. You can't lose on these. I will keep Tiffany and your family in my thoughts and prayers. gail p-m

So glad for your good news. You deserve it! gail p-m

My father is not doing well at all. He is too weak for further chemo and the tumors seem to be causing dysphagia. He's lost a lot of weight and eating is terribly difficult because of the dysphagia. Since he's already had radiation in the past to that area, he can't have more of that. However, I've read the little I could find (I did not look all that long yet) about lasering for dysphagia. Just wondering if anyone knows about that and can it be done if the area was already radiated. Thanks. gail p-m

So sorry to hear this. Sending many prayers to the family. gail p-m