stand4hope

Don, Sometimes my dad's O2 level drops to the low 80s and even briefly dips into the 70s. When it happens, and if it takes a while for them to come back up, he is a little bit delirious until he gets to 90% or above. Please keep us posted how your mom is doing and also about the PET scan next week. Peggy

Oh, sweetie. I am so very sorry. You are too young to be carrying around this kind of responsibility. You are only 2 years older than our son. You are bringing back so many memories of my mom. If I would say anything to her about her health, she would also say things that would make me feel guilty for asking. Most of the time she was pretty nice about any other subject, but if I, or anyone, ever tried to suggest she do anything about her health, she would spout off sarcastically and freeze up - subject closed. She was even like that with her doctor. My dad and I took her to the emergency room one time and the doctor asked her if she would like to get some help with her drinking. Her response was to start singing, rolling her eyes and looking around the room. The doctor was a young man and he just had a sad face when she did it. My dad got incredibly embarrassed. For some reason, I started laughing. It was totally "in character" for my mother. I kindly told the doctor thank you and to not worry about it. I guess I'm telling you all about my mom because the only thing I can do to help you is to identify with you. I wish I could do more, but I'm afraid that your hands are probably tied on this one. Like I said earlier, I would just try to love her and get all kinds of other communication going with her and maybe eventually she will open up to you, but maybe not. DeanCarl told me a while back that I should just be "with" my husband and not try to push him to talk and that way, when he was ready to talk, I would be his "safe place." Perhaps you can do this with your mom. Just love her, spend time with her, bring her home a hot fudge sundae unexpectedly, pick her some wild flowers and watch TV with her. Talk about other things, and maybe get into some other deeper subjects so that talking about "deep" things won't be so hard for her when (or if) she's ready to talk. And finally, the most important thing is to ask God to help you to know how to react to your mother not feeling well, and to send you some help. I can't promise you that He will send you a lightning bolt, heal your mother instantly of whatever is wrong with her, or anything else miraculous. It's been my experience that He usually sends us help through a person. The person could be somebody you know now or somebody you will meet or somebody your mom will meet. Perhaps this board and everyone here is already the answer to your prayer. I don't know. What I do know is that if you ask, He will help in some way. Trust me. Say that prayer and keep your eyes open for that special person or persons. God love you!!! Love, Peggy

Dear Amelie, All of the responses here are very good. I can tell how much you love your mom and that you desperately want to help her. Someone suggested taking her to ER. If you take her to ER and she gets mad and refuses treatment, they CANNOT make her get treatment. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things like this. I personally think you should respect your mother's wishes no matter how wrong you think they are. Yes, she probably knows she has something quite serious and is scared and just doesn't want to know - but that is her prerogative. Unless and until such time as she becomes incompetent, or physically you HAVE to get her to ER, there really isn't much you can do. Even if she got so bad that you had to rush her to ER, she could still refuse treatment. At that point, my guess is she probably wouldn't. Now, having said all that, and having had a bullheaded, very difficult, independent mother of my own, I do have a suggestion. My mother was going to do what my mother wanted to do regardless of what anybody else ever said, including doctors. She even smoked in the bathroom at the hospital. When they told her to stop, she still smoked in the bathroom or snuck down the hall and got in the stairwell. She had cigarettes hidden everywhere. For the most part, all of us, including my dad, just left her alone and let her deal with the consequences of her own decisions - we really had no choice. My suggestion is that you simply be direct with your mother and softly and sweetly, looking her sweetly right in her eyes, tell her that you think she needs to see a doctor right away. Tell her that you know she probably doesn't want to face it, but that regardless of what the problem is, the doctors can do a lot these days to make her better. She also might be like my mom and be afraid of having to give up cigarettes. You can ask her if she's afraid of that, but she might not admit to it. In any case, if you can just get some communication going in a loving, caring NONJUDGMENTAL way, you might make some progress. If you feel the communicating isn't getting anywhere and she's provoked, then I would softly and sweetly back off and try to bring it up another time. She will only cooperate if she knows that you are on HER side and just want her to be well and comfortable. THESE ARE ONLY SUGGESTIONS that I am offering because of my experience with my stubborn and strong-willed mother. My dad is the exact opposite. He will try to put it off, but I can point-blank tell him that he needs to see a doctor NOW, and he will do it. These suggestions may not work for you with your mom. Also, I'm not implying that you wouldn't be sweet, or that you are judgmental, but with sensitive people, they sometimes "hear" it that way whether you are or not. I know my mom always thought I was critical and judgmental of her drinking and smoking. I was when I was a teenager and young adult, but wasn't in later years, but it was still hard to get past that. Best of luck to you, Amalie. Dealing with a strong-willed personality is one of the hardest things in the world to do. Whatever you plan ahead probably won't go as smoothly as you planned it. You will be in my prayers today and this weekend. Please let us know how things go. Love, and God bless you, Peggy

Happy Birthday, Andrea!!!! Love, Peggy

Jane, We've already talked, but again, I want you to know how very sorry I am for your loss. I think it was very thoughtful of you to write to all of us such a detailed lovely account of Alan's final days, and your special time with him. Please extend my sympathy to your entire family. Love, Peggy

Hope, I'm sorry I didn't see this post earlier. I am so sorry for your great loss, and I send my deepest sympathy to you and your family. Love, Peggy

Have fun, Heather, and hurry back! Peggy

Great news, Kate. So glad to hear it! Peggy

Marie, I'm sorry that chemo is making you feel so bad. Hopefully, the blood tests will give your doctor an idea what is going on. Many times, there are meds they can give you to help with the side effects. Keep up posted, please. Peggy

Larry, I am so happy for you and your wife to get such wonderful good news. God bless you, Peggy

Hi Misty and WELCOME. I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. He might change his might about treatment at a later time. You never know. Just give him time to process this bombshell that was landed on him. He may decided to go for treatment, or maybe not. Either way, his decision will be the right one for him. We're here to help you in any way that we can through cyberspace. You will be able to get most of your questions answers, your fears soothed, and we will even make you laugh. It's probably hard to believe that you will laugh, but you will. Please keep us posted about your grandpa. God bless you, Peggy

Francine, The only thing worse than knowing is not knowing. I understand your frustration, and I am so sorry you are having all this pain. Did either doc offer any different type of medication to help you with the pain? Hang in there. Love, Peggy

Wow, Don. All the could be's would make me crazy, too. Hang in there, guy and keep us posted. You're a good son. God bless you, Peggy

Welcome back, Andrea! Love, Peggy

Rachel, HALLELUJAH! Go ahead and cry - a happy cry is a good cry! Love, Peggy

Shelly, I love you, too. Please hang on real tight. Love, Peggy

I work in a high rise in Indy, the tallest (48 floors). I work on 44 and got on the elevator on 44, picked up 2 girls on 43, and the elevator dropped – HARD AND FAST to 39. We grabbed the walls. It was so fast you wouldn’t have believed it. It was like a blood rush to the head. My back is hurting, but doing ok. I guess I tensed up during the drop or something – don’t remember. It came to a stop, I punched 39, but it went down to 38 and then back up to 39. We got off and took another elevator down and reported it to security. My legs were like spaghetti. You wouldn’t even believe the fear that gripped us. I think I'll apply for a job at Kmart - only one floor there! Love, Peggy

Cat, No crickets here, or snails, just chipmunks! One of these days I'm afraid they are not going to be as fast our two dogs and . . . . . . well, you know the rest of that story. See the mini barn in my picture? That's where the chipmunks are living - under the mini barn. The dogs do a mad dash out the patio door (where the picture was taken from) and if our dogs could squeeze under the foundation, those chipmunks would be history. Cat, I am always praying for you - ALWAYS - DAILY! Please let us know as soon as possible what you found out from your biopsy. Love, Peggy

Don, Your mom's doctor's plan sounds like a good one to me. A drop in oxygen saturations can definitely cause "goofiness". When my dad's O2 drops to 85% or below, he becomes confused and acts a little weird. In fact, one time I actually told him he was acting "goofy". He was pointing to the ceiling and would then look at me and grin real silly. I asked him if he was seeing a Playboy centerfold up there. I hope your mom gets to feeling stronger very soon and that the radiation improves her breathing. Best of luck to you and your mom, Peggy P.S. You are a great son to take such good care of your mom.

Happy Anniversary, Dean and Gay! This post is late, so I hope you had a GREAT time tonight. Love, Peggy

Tina, I wish I could look into some kind of magic looking glass and answer your question about what this might be, but I can't. Hopefully, you are sleeping now and will be able to relax until you get the results. Love, Peggy

Oh, Amy, I am so sorry that you got this news. I will pray that the stereotactic radiosurgery will take care of the 5 larger tumors and a plan will be in place soon to treat the others. God bless you, Peggy

Congratulations, Debi. I think the best news of everything you shared is that you are feeling so well. This is just so incredibly encouraging to so many. Love, Peggy

Hi Kathi, and Welcome back! I don't remember you from before because I have only been here for about 2 1/2 months. I'm so glad to hear that your father is doing so well. Congratulations on your graduation! God bless you, Peggy

Hi Sara and WELCOME. I, too, am sorry to hear about your dad. I can't offer any information on the swelling, but I do agree with everyone that you should get some immediate attention for your dad. You have come to the right place for support. Please don't ever hesitate to write to us, ask questions or just vent how you might be feeling. Once again, welcome! God bless you, Peggy