daggiesmom Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Seems that every time I have an oco appointment I'm a bit nervous. This April 4th will be 3 years that I've gone to the Dr. and got on the right road to recovery. So far, so good. I have relatively no problems physically compared to so many here on the board who have all sorts of complications I feel like I don't have the right to feel anxious, but I do anyway. Could it be because, as time goes by, I think "well, I've had my "extra time" and now I could decline? Does any one else go thru this? Physically, I don't have much to complain about - just some numbness in feet and sometimes my hands and a general ache all over from time to time (usually when it's damp outside). More of my problems are mental in nature. Just read my past posts and you'll know what I mean! Also, I'm a "worrier ahead of time" Does anyone else feel this way? Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Oh boy Joannie, I am right next to you on this one. I have huge anxieties going to the doc and test time. Seems like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop I have heard that with time it gets easier and I imagine it does, just haven't got there yet. Having LC doesn't help, but if you are a natural worry wart like me, it just adds fuel to the fire. But you know what, we have all been through alot - no matter if you are feeling good, bad or inbetween - it is just different than had we not been afffected with cancer. Wish I could offer you advise on how to make it easier, sorry I can't but hopefully one of the other members of the board can offer some insight here. Good luck on your upcoming appointment, YOU WILL GET GOOD NEWS!! Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 ahhhhhhh,well, ya! Another member and I were discussing this same issue on the telephone last night. We were wondering if everyone has these same feelings that you describe...how our lives just are not as they were b.c. (before cancer) We were wondering if they ever will be....?? I could only name a couple people from this board who seem to have their old lives back...and have gone to live life as if it has never happened...wow! I am wondering if there is any kind of therapy that is out there for us that will help us to get that back... or do we just learn how to live with the new norm....somehow; muddle through? I don't know . Good question or statement or comment or whatever. I would like to see and hear what everyone else says about this, Joanie. Thanks for bringing it up. It is like this saying I heard one time, "I used to be a cucumber. But, now I am a pickle. No matter how hard I try, I can never be a cucumber again." The context of this saying was in relation to this man's perception of his addiction. It fit perfectly. It was said in a way for him to get it through his head that he was changed forever and that he needed to accept it. I have been changed too.... I have accepted this change for today, but I wonder if it is a change that I will always have to accept, or if that magical sounding 5 year mark comes around, then I can just shut 'er off? Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilgna Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 First the best of luck on your upcoming DR appt......, the anxiety is So much when I enter the onco office, and right before scan time and right before the reults, and sometimes in the early hours of dawn....when no one else is awake.. the fear arises... I understand andI think it is because our very security, sorta of, has been yanked right from underneath us, that we just know it is never completely secure again.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Joanie what you described is present in my every day life and part of why I cannot post so much. The anxiety is out of control. My mom has scary scan time on Monday and we are so on edge. My mom does not want to buy new patio furniture until she gets her results. And then I am getting physical manifestations from the stress. I have tingling in my hands and feet lately, feel overwhelmed, and other stuff. I am also worked up over getting blood work and a physical in April. Also, my dad gets so worked up when my mom sees the dr, lately he takes her a few days before to get the blood work so he can have the results at the dr visit instantly. He is fascinated by CEA even though we all know it is not 100%, he just has this need to know. You are so not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Joanie, You sent me a PM the other night and gave me a HUGE amount of encouragement. I am so anxious right now. My appt. has been moved up several weeks and more tests have been ordered. I am a WRECK!!!! It is good to know others have these same fears. I wish for you a calm since you have gone so long with good results. I look to others on this board who have made it so far as beacons for me. Please try to remain calm and let us know ASAP your results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marion Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Oh yes, I feel this most be a common condition us LC patients go thru. I am going to have a PET scan this Tue. and like you say: "Is this going to be the time." I start getting worked up about a week or week and half before my monthly check up. I guess it is the unknown and the knowing that we have only a limited control of what is going on. I worry when things are bad and when they are good; I still worry, afraid of when they will turn bad. Guess that is the way it goes. Good luck with your doctor's appointment. Marion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Joanie, I too am wishing you all clean results on your upcoming test time.It is natural for most all of us to be apprehensive at these times. I am always nervous when my test times come near and for good reason.I have had the other shoe fall off now for the third time.It's like I keep climbing up the ladder only to keep falling back down 2 or 3 rungs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 We are too new to have any input on this, but just want to say that : Of course you have a right...................Our feelings and fears are our feelings and fears. They are not deserved or undeserved as they compare to anyone else. Joanie, You are entitled to every feeling, fear, concern or thought you have. We are praying for continued good news and reports for you. Those of you who are surviving and thriving help Brian and Me to get up everyday and try. He is so sick today, so sick, but he asked me to read what is going on with our friends on line. Thank you for staying active here for all of us and we are sending all good thoughts and support. Love Pat and Bri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Prayers for the best, hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 WOW, three years, I'm so jealous! I got 4mths clean! You'll be fine, because there are people like me who need you to keep plugging along clean so we can follow!!!! Good luck and let us know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Hi Joanie I'm a few months ahead of you in the survival charts and I know exactly what you mean. I read posts from people here who are still fighting this awful battle and some have a real uphill battle.......I'm 3.5 years out from dx, I am in good health, no problems at all, so what do I have to be anxious about each time I go to the onc? I am now checked at 6 month intervals and the next visit in June may well be my last, but if it's like the last few I shall be working myself into a lather a few weeks before. My brain can rationalize it all it wants but my emotions have their own set of rules and they unfortunately get top billing. I have realized from reading all these posts that this is a fact of cancer survival and I'd better get with the program and accept it - my family should prepare themselves for the onslaught too! Are you finding that the anxiety is worse now? I didn't get at all concerned when I was having the poking and prodding done at more frequent intervals........maybe I still can't process the fact that I've made it through all this crud and come out the other end okay. What we need are designated mental health days (or padded rooms for short term rental) for fleetingly unstable survivors! Hey, this could be a money maker!! Take care, Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Joanie, I can totally understand what you're feeling right now. I too feel great and have no reason to believe there's anything wrong, but I am inconsolable at x-ray time. It's so bad with me that I'm considering taking a week off work prior to the appointment because I can't get thru the day without tears, and any little work stress just pushes me over the edge. People around me say that's the time for the xanax, but I don't know, I just don't like the way that makes me feel and I'm thinking if I can just be home and work in the yard and exercise, maybe it will be easier to get through. I don't have any answers, just want you to know I understand. But, based on what I've been told, you're 3 years out and that's a really good place to be.....the longer out, the less likely. You will be in my thoughts. Hug that cute pooch of yours a lot between now and then. Mine are such a help to me when I feel bad. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Joanie i think you have every right to feel the way you do. I've had clean Check up's for almost 4 year's with my Bladder Cancer and i still sweat out the next check up. Every time my wife who has SCLC when the phone ring's or any kind of unuasual thing appear's to happen i go into instant worry mode , so the andwer to your question is NO YOUR NOT ALONE IN YOUR FEELING'S.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elnodel Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 So you see -- you're in a cast of thousands. Len actually worried himself SICK before his last check up (and that was the first post radiation one, so it doesn't bode well for the way he'll react in the future); he had a miraculous recovery when the good news came in. And the xanax is still in use in our house -- minimally, but still every night. Will be thinking of you on April 4th and waiting for the good news. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hebbie Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 I could only name a couple people from this board who seem to have their old lives back...and have gone to live life as if it has never happened...wow Keep in mind that there are MANY people that are not on the boards anymore because they are out there "living life as it never happened".....while it would be nice to keep them active on the boards as inspiration to us all, I admire there desire to get out there and LIVE. Off the top of my head, I can think of "Tiny", "Joe B" and "Gina" (who post very rarely these days) -- they are all out there enjoying life! I also want to add that in my "live" monthly support group, there is a 7+ year survivor of Extensive SCLC, a 5 year survivor of Stage IIIA NSCLC AND Stage I Squamous Cell LC (at the same time!) and a host of others who are beating the odds each day. Don't let it discourage anyone because there may not be many "old timers" here, it doesn't mean they aren't out there!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Yah, I feel that way, although I generally have not really worried so much in the past, as getting nervous about 10 minutes before I see the oncodoc. I suppose in the future I will worry more since I found out after my last visit that I had another tumor. And, at my last visit, I really was not worried at all. My blood pressure was normal, and I was relaxed, then "the other shoe dropped". It was established that I had a second tumor about a year out from my first surgery. And, I probably won't worry much for next few checkups until I am about 9 months out from my last surgery. I guess I get to start my five year count all over again. But, I still have a chance at a cure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 Hebbies right, most of us who have beaten this disease are out there doing our thing. I've been a member here for almost a year - that's 2 years from dx when I joined - and I don't post too often. I don't remember a lot of the details of my tx (chemo brain or ostrich - not sure which) so in a lot of instances I can't contribute any information. I am, however, out there living a normal life. I have had no epiphany to do something earth shattering with my life, just every day boring stuff is wonderful. I only hope that everyone on this board who is currently having tx will be in the same place as me before long.....going through life with the same old routine and loving it. Please take heart that survivors are out there in larger numbers than you think, I know I'm not the only one. Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.