My beloved husband of 38 years

[Lendegirl]

I lost my husband of 38 years to Mesothelioma (asbestos cancer)on July 19, 2003. We live in a very small town in Oklahoma, where no one even knew what mesothelioma was. Therefor I couldnt find a suppot group anywhere around. Not any kind of cancer support at all. I'm at home now alone and after a year and a half, I have never found anybody just to talk to about any of this.

We knew something was wrong, because within a year he had lost around 70 pounds, I would find blood on his pillow in the morrings, he was having a hard time breathing, and his side hurt all the time. He went to the Doctors, but when they ask him if he smoked and he told them he did, that was far as they went. They told us he had COPD. They treated him for that and never ran test at all. That was in Jan. 2002, In April 2003 he got so sick they put him in the Hospital,they said he had Pneumonia. he was in there for two months while they treated him for pneumonia and he never got better. We had him moved to a Tulsa Hospital on the 3rd. of July, on the 14th. they tell me he has cancer and theres nothing they can do for him and I could take him home. I got him home Wed. the 16th. at 5:oclock P.M. and he died the 19th at 11:30p.m. I dont know why I'm writing this all down. I'm pretty sure you people have your own hands full. I guess I just need to find out if Theres something wrong with me or is this hurt I have inside something I just have to learn to live with. I have so much hate for his doctors, and I dont know what to do with it. I pray all the time to help me forgive them.

Lenda

[Wendy]

Dear Lenda,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. 38 year is a long time to love, he must have been quite a special gentlemen.

Welcome to LCSC, there are many people here that have dealt with similar loss and heartache. Please know that you are not alone!

Peace and strength to you,

Wendy

[Connie B]

Dear Lenda,

Oh my goodness, that is just terrible how your wonderful, dear husband was treated.

Lenda, your more then welcome to join us here at LCSC. Although I have not lost a spouse, I have lost my mother, father, and sister to lung cancer, and I lost my dear son, but not to cancer. So, I know what it's like to lose someone you love very much.

I hope you will find as much comfort here as I have over the years.

(((((((((((LENDA)))))))))))

[karenl]

Hi Lende, and welcome to our group.

I am so sorry to read about your husband. I think it is quite natural that you feel anger and hatred towards his doctors, given the circumstances. But I hope you also find some comfort in the knowledge that mesothelioma is very difficult to treat, and the outcome may not have been much different, even if you had known from the beginning.

I hope that you continue to visit this forum, and are able to find some measure of peace through 'talking' with others who have shared a similar loss.

Karen

[Don M]

Dear Lenda:

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do and I think the doctors let you and your husband down. I hope you can eventually forgive them. For now, welcome to our message board. I hope you find some comfort here.

Don M

[Debi]

Lenda,

Welcome, from one Oklahoman (well, 5 year native) to another, although I am sorry you had to have a reason to post here.

My sympathies for the loss of your husband. I hope that you will keep coming here and somehow find the peace that you are looking for.

[daggiesmom]

Your post was so touching. I'm so sorry for your husband and you both. You went thru everything without any professional help at all. Please feel free to join us anytime. Prayers for your husband and you.

[Summer]

Lenda,

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. I understand the resentment you feel towards the doctors, and hope that eventually there'll be resolution and closure. I did not trust my partner's doctor, felt that he had given up from day one. Much as I tried I could not convince my partner to get a second opinion. He had responded well to treatment initially, and when the cancer spread, in the 6th month, it was already too late to pursue other options. It's hard to live with this.

I lost my partner, best friend, my everything, to lung cancer only one month ago. It's all very fresh, and much as I would like, I know that there is no quick fix and that as time goes on the hurt will still be there. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. The loss of a mate must be one of the most difficult of losses, other than that of a child. It seems such a large part of me is no more.

I see a mental health professional every two weeks, don't know how I'd cope otherwise. Often, I don't know what there is left to live for, yet, I'm healthy, suicide is not an option, and I have to trust that since I'm still here I'm supposed to be, for something.

Lenda, I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling. Have you considered contacting a social worker, or psychologist/psychiatrist? Any outlet where it is safe for you to talk. It is too hard to do this on our own. I'm glad you found this board, too. Much love to you.

Dorothee

[cindi o'h]

hello..

let me chime in a big warm welcome to you. You are at the right place. You can come here and pour your heart out and we will listen. We get it. We understand.

Living in a small community has it's own set of rewards, but then as you pointed out, many resources are not available for special care. Your loss is tremendous. I don't know how you have gotten by this long on your own.

There are grief counselors who are available in many areas to help one to move forward. I hope that with some efforts on your part, that you will be able to search your community or nearby communities for some help. We are not meant to do this alone.

As far as the forgiveness part goes. That is something that is a struggle for many of us. I have confidence that you will get there. I know what a process it is, and that it can sometimes seem impossible. I take heart in the fact that you are working "toward" forgiveness. That says an awful lot about you, right there.

Well anyway. Welcome again. Look forward to hearing more from you.

Cindi o'h

[shirleyb]

Lenda,

What you are feeling is quiet normal to be honest. Some people heal sooner than others but from what you have gone through, I would imagine it will take time.

I too lost my husband, just 34 days after we found out he had cancer. It is such a shock and horrible nightmare. I was fortunate enough though that one of Randy's nurses directed me to this site. It has been my life saver.

This is the place to come to vent, rage, cry, scream, and also to share the good times. There are a number of us who have been in your position and everyone here will be a great support to you.

I am so sorry you lost your husband. The pain it creates is like no other. Be kind to yourself and come here often to work through your emotions. In time the pain does ease but like I said, some heal sooner than others.

Praying for us all.

Shirleyb

[J.C.]

Lenda,

Sorry for your loss,

the void left in your life will hard to fill.

Come back often, we will be here for you.

Peace and strength.

J.C.

[Kasey]

Lenda,

There is nothing I can add to what everyone has already said. We have GREAT people here who can offer such support. They are just about experts - they are so great.

I just wanted to express my deep sorrow for your loss and to welcome you here any time.

Kasey

[melaniem]

Dear Lenda,

I am also so sorry for your loss. I don't know if you realize it but you have just found so much support, like a family. We all KNOW what it's like. My heart broke reading your post and your not having the information you should have when your husband was sick. I hope you can in time lose the hatred because your husbands memory should not have one ounce of hate associated iwith it.

Please come back and know you are NOT alone.

Love, Melanie

[Remembering Dave]

Lenda, this is a support group, and you are a survivor. That's what we're here for. I hope we can help you. we're here to help you. and believe it or not, your very presence will help someone else. so welcome, and share with us all you want.

I'd be pretty darn mad at those doctors, too. enough I don't like frivolous law suits (I'm a legal secretary) I think I'd be mad enough to look into suing them. They sound pretty negligence.

You hang in there, and I hope things get better for you. I can't even imagine how tough this is. it's hard enough to lose a spouse, but to know it might have been prevented makes the wound sting even more.

God Bless,

Karen

[kimmek]

Hi and welcome Lenda. I only wish you had found us in the beginning. You will soon find out what an awesome wonderful place this is. You have every right to be angry, but the key is learning to use that anger ina productive way. I dont know what that is, but it sounded good. Kidding aside, I hope that you can find what you need here to be able to move on with your life. I lost my husband 8 yrs ago, not to cancer though. There are many days that I still feel so mad and angry at him, it was suicide. But ive learned to take those feelings and put them in a box and go on. They take up way to much energy and time to let them control my life. It will get easier that i can promise.

Again welcome and please come again

Kim

[annjael]

Lenda,,so very sorry for your loss. I too, found this site after my husband had passed away. This site and its members have been a tremendous comfort to me, and I hope we can do the same for you.

Peace and blessings,

Annjael

[Donna G]

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for your peace. Please hang around here and grieve, tell your story. We have at least one member who did survive after a heroic fight with Mesothelioma. She was only 26 yrs old when diagnosed. She is not on this board too often but she is very active with the cause for Mesothelioma awareness. Do a search for "jodi page". She lives here in Minnesota. Welcome Lenda. Donna G

[dadstimeon]

Very sorry for your lost.

[Don Wood]

Lenda, so sorry you lost you hubby. It is quite numan and normal to feel the pain you feel and the anger. It can get better with time. I just wish you had someone to share with you so you could talk about it all and get better. Well, you have us here! Vent away. Don

[shineladysue]

Lenda,

I just want to give you a big (((hug))) and welcome you to this family. First of all, I am so so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I have been married 35 years to my husband and he is definitely my better half, so I can't even imagine my life without him. You have come to a place where people understand you and we encourage you to share your story with us. You will find support , inspiration, prayers and even laughter here. I hope you can in time find peace and acceptance of your husbands death. We can't change the past . I also, have angry feelings towards my husbands last doctor before he was diagnosed with his recurrence, but my anger won't change what is and it will only make me feel worse. I'm still working on the forgiveness part, myself. My thoughts and my prayers are with you. Looking forward to having you here with us.

(((Hugs))),

Sue

[Frank Lamb]

Lenda, I am sorry for your loss.There are many here that have lost loved ones that I,m sure will be able to help you.Praying that time will bring you strength and comfort.