DeanCarl Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Hi Family, DeanCarl would like to express his gratitude for all of your loving Birthday thoughts. It was a "day" spent in bed while the world whirled around us; a bit tiring; but even with his low appetite ("nothing tastes right"); he enjoyed a lot of his favorite Beef Stroganof and will work up to some deep dish blueberry pie, soon (or it's all mine : but it's better than Hospital food....... Dean is going into the VA for a week of testing/restaging (and some "time off" for me). There is the scary thought of Brain mets or was it too much Vicodan for too long? (We called it "Vicodan brain talk" - dreamlike; not totally based in reality; but I would be able to "steer him back"; as his brain, these past few months would "wander". He's been off Vicodan and has been on Oxecodone for about 3 weeks and is much more alert; though I read your posts to him as he is too weak to walk to the computer. DeanCarl is very sad he doesn't have the energy to compose his thoughts; much less type to express himself on this lifesaver of lchelp board (this was (is - as I speak for/with him to you)his only lifeline; as family and friends seemed to simply turn away at the word "Cancer"). DeanCarl's burns healed up quickly (just two nasty burns on his fingers still need tender loving care - he grabbed the canula while his face (nose and mustache was on fire - his long beard did not even get singed; nor did any clothing or his bed catch on fire - we were very lucky) - yet what really got "burned up" for a short while was his "Faith"...his core belief system went up in flames; but his beliefs are back and stronger than ever. We were given second chance; more "us time"; so he wouldn't "go out" in a "not so flame of glory". Dean hopes to "go" peacefully; at home with 2 cats and me having the courage to "let go" - I read somewhere that: "I must love him enough to let him go" - not an easy thing to do with a husband and best friend of 21 years...life will go on and Dean and I have a "date" (at a time not of our choosing) at The Rainbow Bridge (our vision of Heaven). The Reality has always been Dean's Cancer is Terminal (Stage 3A; now 22 months ago (as of 7/26/05) - Rough time (yep) estimate was 8 - 15 months - (never believe what you read or hear - he's still here - positive thinking Does work). There was no surgery option due to heavy lymph node involvement. We may be dealing with end of life issues; soon - trying to "prepare ourselves" as best we can; as we have been all along, for whatever or whenever is thrown our way. Though DeanCarl's body is very weak; he still lives his life with Cancer - One day at a time. He is not perfect at it; he is human and has his good days and bad, frustrating days, too. I'll give updates (at least through Ry; my telephone Angel) as soon as we know more about DeanCarl's test's results. Prayers, please for "serenity" this coming week while Dean is in the VA; as hospital stays are no fun; but hopefully we'll gain better insight into his physical health. Thank you for listening. Gay (wife of DeanCarl) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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