Patkid Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I received a post from Doug's cousin. Our Uncle Doug died last week. I am trying to get obituary links. I am so sad. per his cousin: No funeral, cremation and ashes to be interred in family plot in Iowa. That is all I know. I am sorry for all of us who took comfort in Doug's wonderful posts. Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 So very sorry to read this news. His presence on this board and his wonderful words will surely be missed by all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I'm sorry to hear this.I always enjoyed his humor and way with words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.S. I Love You Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 It's just terrible. He was a shining star here. So sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 So sorry, his posts were always so full of good humor, and his way with words outstanding. My deepest sympaties to the family. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I am sorry to hear this-- thanks for letting us know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 So sorry to hear this - he will be missed. Nancy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 so sorry to hear about uncle Doug's passing. Rachel's friend, Susan, got to know him on his fishing trip to Alaska, I think. He had a brother out West, Oregon? and he lived with his Mom if I recall. I sure did like reading about his chemo ventures and his interactions with the people who helped him. Very sorry to hear. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I just can not believe this. I loved his stories. He was a jewel and I will miss him. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorja Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Thank you Pat for posting this. I am so terribly sad to hear this jorja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 What horrible new's and i'm in agreement with all that has been said. What a terrible loss and it was so fast......Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penny38 Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I know that my sister was so worried about him in the end she would ask me if i saw him post anything online. This is so sad and I am so sorry for his family and friends I hope we learn more. I know that Jenny would be saying. Where the hellis the money for Lung Cancer research. My sister was a smoker but she was a person that paid her taxes and was kind to others but because she smoked there is no money for Lung Cancer research. So always bad for the people that didnt smoke but had to to be punished. Well we will miss Doug but I know my sister is having a cup of coffee with him and alot of other members that did not make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Very sorry to hear that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Thank you, Pat. It's so sad to know people so full of life, love and living . . . and then they are gone. Doug was certainly one of those people. He will be missed. If any of Doug's family or friends are reading this, I pray for God's comfort to be an every day presence in your lives. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Oh My God!! I am so sorry to hear this sad news..He will be missed, and so woll his kind words.. RIP Uncle Doug Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t_beanes Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Thank you Pat .. I am soo sorry to read this .....his text's were so very clever and amusing ...sitting here crying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 I recieved this moving letter from Doug's brother Don today- he asked that I pass on the news- although everyone has heard about Uncle Dougs passing I thought you might like to read Don's letter- It reflects Uncle Dougs wonderful nature- right up to the end- I know that Don and the rest of the family are in everyon's thoughts- thank you !! Hi Susan, I am afraid I have the bad news that everyone knew was coming, but hoped that some miracle would prevent. Doug died, very peacefully, very early Tuesday morning. He was feeling quite good, even up to the day he died, but just kept getting increasingly weak and tired. He was up and about, earlier in the day, coming out to join Nana and me in the living room. Throughout his journey, Doug has always been at home with his family and when his therapy ended last month he was able to continue living at home, with help from some wonderful people with Hospice. The hospice team was marvelous. It is truly wondrous that there are regular people who have the capacity and desire to ease a total strangers’ untrodden passage into death; and in the doing, become good and true friends. Doug had gone through several courses of chemotherapy, both with good results and a paucity of side effects. He did tell me that the one side effect that bothered him the most was flatulence. This just before we entered the cabin we would share for a week, on our trip up the Alaskan Inside Passage (I was just thrilled and told him his timing was impeccable). It is a good thing the weather was nice, and we could keep the sliding door to our balcony open for most of the trip. Throughout all of the chemotherapy and radiation therapy, Doug kept an attitude that was an inspiration to everyone who had contact with him. He was constantly upbeat, never falling into “funk”. Early on I was worried that he would not be able to maintain his good cheer and everything would suddenly crash, but it never did. To the last day of his life, Doug was more concerned about the rest of us, especially Mom, than himself. I never heard him bemoan his fate, except to the extent that he would not be there to help mom. Nana was his biggest concern, and before he left, he needed to know that everything had been arranged for her care and well-being. On the morning of his death, I had taken Nana to an assisted living facility which she loved and where she wants to move. I told Doug all about it and how much Nana loved it. This was the very last thing he had on his “to do” list. Doug had been on a slow decline since his last palliative radiation, just getting weaker, but not having any other significant symptoms. He was finding it harder and harder to care for Nana and the rest of us were stepping in to help more and more of the time, but he was still definitely in overall control. (I don’t think he fully trusted us to think of all her needs). Things were going along pretty well until the last weekend. By then he was noticeably weaker, and was getting confused at times. He no longer wanted to eat, but would still take the high calorie liquid supplements and juices. He spent most of his time in his room, but did not want to be in bed. He thought if he got into bed, he would never get up again. As it turned out, his instincts were correct. My routine had been to come over each evening and stay until about 11:00 pm. In the morning I would stop by on the way to work, to check on both Doug and Nana. Between my son Chad, my wife Barbara and myself, we had everything but the night covered. Nana was there at night and she would have called, if anything happened or if she needed help. With Doug’s sudden decline over the weekend, I made plans to stay at night, for as long as it was needed. Anticipating that I would be needed more, I had cut back my work hours, and I did not have to be to work until noon on Monday. It was that morning when Nana visited the assisted living facility that she loves. When Nana and I got back from the visit, I told Doug all about the place that we had just seen, and how much Nana liked it. This pleased Doug a great deal, but it was soon obvious that there had been a significant change in his condition. He allowed me to get him into bed and make him comfortable. He couldn’t swallow his pain medication any longer, so I switched him to liquid morphine. Around noon I left for work. Chad had taken over as Nana’s care provider several months prior to this, when Doug could no longer do all the things that were necessary for her care, and so he would be there to help Doug until I could get back. By the time I got to work, all I could think about was how Doug had suddenly declined. I knew I needed to get back as soon as possible. My co-workers were very kind and by the time I had seen the first 4-5 of my patients, they had switched the rest of them to their schedules, and I was able to get away. Doug was comfortable, but obviously going downhill at an ever increasing rate. He was sleeping most of the time, but he would wake up when you talked to him, still recognized everyone and could still tell me what he needed. I sat by his bedside and talked to him, while he listened and slept. It got progressively harder for him to talk, but he could still convey his wishes. The morphine was keeping him comfortable and he actually declined it several times. I was giving him some atropine, which made it easier for him to breathe. His breathing was getting more labored as the evening progressed, but he did not seem to notice, probably because the morphine and atropine were making him comfortable. All of the kids had come over during the day and had spent time with Doug. Barb had been in and out all day, but came over for several hours that evening and had a chance to spend about an hour alone with Doug. Nana was in and out of his room many times, and spent several long periods with him. Nana went to bed about 10:00, and Barb left about 11:00. After that it was just the three of us, Doug, Alle (the cat) and me. Alle slept next to him all night. About 2:30 in the morning Doug woke up. I had been sitting next to him, with his hand in mine, reminiscing about our childhood and other stories from over the years. He would respond to me if I asked him a question, but with his eyes only opened slightly. This time his eyes were wide open. He looked at me and when I told him Alle was next to him, he looked at her and touched her. For several minutes he was looking around the room, and at Alle and me. It seemed as though he was seeing things that I could not see. As he looked around the room, he had a peaceful, sort of quizzical look on his face. We had squeezed each others hand many times in those last hours, but suddenly he squeezed harder, and as he was looking at me, he tried to say something, but no words came out. It looked like he said, “I’m ready”, but I wasn’t sure. I leaned very close to his face, our noses almost touching. I held his face lightly between my hands and asked him what he was trying to tell me. Gently, his breathing began to slow, and after four or five progressively slower breaths, his breathing stopped altogether. It was so natural and easy, it didn’t seem at all unusual for Doug to die with my hands holding his face, but more like the way Doug wished it to happen. By then our foreheads were touching and I gently talked to “my brother”. I don’t think I moved for the next fifteen minutes, but just sat there with his head in my hands and the rest of him in my heart, and quietly talked to him. Both of us were relaxed and at peace. Alle was curled up next to him, where she stayed the rest of the night. I sat there with Doug and Alle, sometimes talking and sometimes quiet, until Nana woke up several hours later. It was a special time. We talked about a lot of things, Doug and I. I know that you and Doug had something special between you. He spoke of you often and with great affection. He was so happy about your engagement and your happiness. Remember him fondly. Don R. Russell PS. Would you please send the message about Doug to all the members of his support group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 I do believe these are the most touching words I have ever read in my entire life. What a peaceful ending for such a beautiful person. There is nothing more that I can say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 I am so very saddened to read this news. My prayers are with you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 words can't describe this reaction I think! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmydog2 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I can't think of any words to say right now. I think Ann described it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 What a wonderful tribute of a brother's love. I was in that room with them watching a very peaceful passing. Thank you for sharing this, two very special men with a very special bond. Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I think that was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. The tears are rolling down my cheeks and I am hoping I do not begin to sob. The love of these 2 men for eachother is amazing. I feel blessed they wanted to share it with all of us. My prayers go out to the entire family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindseysmom Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Beautiful Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazy Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Oh, he WILL be remembered fondly, Don. Through the beautiful tribute you shared, and through the humorous words, and stories he always shared here. What a tragic loss, but a testament, as well, to brotherly love, and to the peace, and beauty that surely awaits us all in the next life... May God give you peace, and comfort - and may your memories fill your heart with joy. With sympathy, Stacey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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