shineladysue Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 June 6, 1970, Mike and I were married. Tomorrow would have been our 36th wedding anniversary. I lost him to this horrible disease 3 months and 4 days ago. Where are all these tears coming from? I knew it would be hard, but I can't stop crying . It's like all my grief has built up to come pouring out in torrential downpours at this time. I guess this is normal, whatever normal is, but I can tell you this hurts , really hurts. Just needed to say that among folks that understand. Love you guys. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Sue, Sorry this is so difficult for you. I lost Charlie 50 days ago today. It sucks! I know that God will continue to give you the strength to go on. As you know, crying IS ok. We do understand and are here to support you. There will be better days and you will see Mike again. ((((((SUE))))))) Love ya, Tina P. S. Try to remember all the good times--the wedding day, the honeymoon, .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Big hugs, Sue.. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Oh boy, Sue, I can relate. Earl died almost 2 years ago, can you believe it. One night last week I had a complete melt down in bed. Cried so hard I had to change my pillowcase. So I guess, we never get over the sorrow of losing such a special person. But as I have said so often, it does get easier. The horrendous feeling of loss and frustration does dim to a dull roar. I wish I could say something to make it easier, just know that there are many here thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 I know how hard this is right now. 5 mos and 18 days since Deb passed away. Remember you have a guardian angel looking over you. This helps me a lot some days. Every morning I wake up and see her picture and I know I will be ok today. I do so hope that this helps a little. I really do understand and know how you feel. Many prayeras for better days ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue I am so sorry. I can only vaguely imagine the pain you are feeling as you face the upcoming day tomorrow. You should be celebrating the happiest day of your life; with the love that made it so. It is normal that you break down and are pained by the loss of what this day represents. I am so sorry Sue. I wish I could do something to ease this pain and dry the tears. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 (((((Sue))))) Crying with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Life is so fragile, as you well know. Imagine that your husband is Upstairs, enjoying all that you enjoyed together in your amazing years. God bless you today Sue, and always. May you be granted peace among the turmoil of cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue, My heart goes out for you at this difficult time. Big (((HUG))) for you. Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 ((((Sue)))))) It's just so hard. Hugs dear.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Dear Sue, I wish I was the one with the magic-make-it-go-away post, but I'm not. I don't know where the tears come from, but after 10 months (today), I just know they still come out of nowhere, when you least expect it, and just when you think you're beginning to "adjust". I cried last night standing in the yard watering my flowers with the hose. I guess it's because there's a quiet time, a lull in the busy stuff that takes your thoughts back - and back further still. At least, I think that's the way it is for me. I have noticed that those bad times (like Ginny described above) seem to come for me when I'm overwhelmed, overworked, angry, sad about something else, or reminded that this is forever. Last night while watering the flowers my neighbors were out in their back yard with their daughter and two granddaughters. The little girls were running and laughing and playing, my neighbors were hugging them and playing with them, and I just became overwhelmed with the emptiness all around me. All I had was flowers. . . big freakin' deal! So, choking back tears, I know my words don't help and just make it worse, but I'm not going to delete them. Some things just aren't meant to be Pollyannathized (new word ). Becky always says cancer isn't for sissies - and she's right. Grieving isn't for sissies either. It's tough, it's hard, it hurts, and it is relentless. I'm not deleting my words because the only thing that has helped me through this process is knowing that people like you, Sue, are going through the same painful process. I think it helps if we share our experiences and our feelings - we then know we're not alone! I truly am hugging you right now. I don't know where Lynne has been, but I still have one of her warm towels to send you to cuddle up with. Love you, Sue! Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Today is the day, Sue...............so I am wishing you a Happy Anniversary! Yes I am. You married wonderful Mike 36 years ago today and that, for sure, is something to celebrate! And I do believe that although he is not 'present' as we.........you...................may want...............he is indeed with you today. Today is a bittersweet one, isn't it? But somewhere in this day I am hoping you find some JOY...........yes JOY in recalling many happy memories. And then you will cry. And I am so sorry. My prayer for you today, dear Sue, is that the joyful memories outnumber the sad ones and bring you some comfort. Sending much love today and every day, Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieD Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue, God Bless you my friend. May you find comfort. CharlieD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue, My heart goes out to you today.... Hoping that you will find a little comfort and the strength to reflect on the sweet memories of Mike today that will bring a smile to you face. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Just wanted to send you some flowers on your anniversary. Keith always gives me white roses on our anniversary, so I thought I'd share some with you. As difficult as this day is, try and find a moment today to smile and remember how blessed and lucky we were to have the love we've known even though too brief. Try and think of one of those silly times in the past 36 years that he did something outrageous and just like Mike; and bring a smile to your face and know that although Mike is not with you physically today he is with you in love and spirit shining down on you from heaven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue, So sorry to hear you are having a "down" day. I can't even imagine what you are feeling, but I dread like crazy the day when I have to live through "special" days without my hubby. I only hope and pray that, in time, the "good" memories will fill these days for you. I wish there was only something I could say to make the pain and sorrow go away for you... (((hugs))) Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Sue, I am so sorry for your pain, I cant imagine how you must feel.. Today is a sad day for my family as well, its my mom and dads 53rd anniversary and she isnt doing very well either.. I am keeping you and her in my prayers and hope today can pass softly.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patut Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Love you Sue. Remember the three 'R's, which are: Remember the past, redefine today and recreate your future. (From "Grief's Courageous Journey"). This has been helping me lately. Cyndy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 (((((((((((Sue))))))))))))) I know all so well where you're heart is today. I don't think there is an emptier feeling that facing that first anniversary alone. I still have a bottle of bubbly chilling in my fridge that Dennis hand picked to celebrate our 25th but he never made it. I don't think that bottle will ever leave my fridge. Hang in there....I love you. Ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linus Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 I am so very sorry for your pain. My prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 "People Die, Love doesn't" Lance Armstrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted June 6, 2006 Author Share Posted June 6, 2006 I just want to thank all of you that have responded to this post. It has helped me more than you can possibly imagine .Helping the ones we love go through cancer diagnosis and treatment is an experience that one must go through to understand. To take it a step further is when we actually lose them to that disease. All of us are brothers and sisters in going through this. Whether you are the patient or the caregiver, you have experienced something that bonds us all... I love all of you and pray for all of you. I hope to always be a part of this group because no one will ever understand the way you do. Thank you for being there for me on this day when I so much needed you and I hope I can be there for you. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Sue, You continue to be a source of inspiration for me and for us all. Take care and God bless you today and in the coming days. I like the 3 R's mentioned above and hope to remember those as I go forward...one day at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeandstrength Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I just wanted to add my hugs. I'm so sorry. My dad's birthday is on June 8th and my mom is having a really hard time as well. We all are, actually. love, Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 This is a hard day for you. Take care of yourself. Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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