re: Calintay hall pass

[Dave]

Hi All,

As you can see I do not post very much,nor if you see me in chat do I talk very much. Since Heidi brought the subject up I thought I'd put my 2 cents in. Now remember this is coming from my perspective as a survivor (stg2A). While I have never felt offended posting how well its going for me so far,I

understand how she feels. I come on here numerous times during the day...I read the posts and quite

frankly it breaks my heart.I never dreamed this beast affected so many people in so many differant ways. Never in my wildest dreams...CANCER?...hell I'm only 55..I have plenty of time..my daughter just turned 9 last week ..wont be very long and I will be seeing her off to college...or will I? Hate it. However I'm considered one of the lucky ones..part of a lung...some chemo and I might be done with it for good. Therein lies the dilemma. At times I feel like a trespasser or a voyeur. On the one hand I would like to scream from the rooftops about my NED MRI scan from today...on the other I would just like to crawl into a closet and cry when I read about someone having a bad one.So many battles being fought by people with far more courage than I ..and so few wars being won. Damn its just not right! This site has been one of the bright spots in this whole adventure so far..and I have taken far more from it then I have given back. So I sit back and observe and shed more tears..and a few smiles along the way.We are all just along for the ride on this train wreck we call LC. Maybe one day we can all get off at the next station and leave it on the train. After reading this rambling post I'm still going to put it up..and try to stop feeling guilty about getting better. Guess it's all part of my (new) normal.

Dave

[tiredmom959]

You certainly shouldn't feel guilty, you give so many people hope, but yet I understand how you feel.

I, too, feel like a whiner at times because I'm here in support of my 76 year old mom (who isn't doing great) and I'm the baby of the family at 48. I think, d*&m it, I want her here to see my youngest graduate high school, go to her senior prom. I have an 18 and a 13 year old. And, most of all, I don't want to see her have to suffer. I know her death (as is all of ours) inevitable and I don't necessarily fear that. But it plain scares the crap out of me that she'll get to the point where she's in horrific pain and suffering and I can't help her. That I don't know if I can handle. It's even harder for me to believe that people have to suffer the physical pain they do than there isn't more they can do to successfully treat -- and erradicate -- lung cancer.

Then I read about people on here such as Raney (and so many others, I just can't think of their "screen IDs" at the moment) who are going through this at such an early age themselves. Many with babies, toddlers. Even those who lose parents while their children are so young. And I think, what right do I have to complain?

The other reason I think I don't post more than I do is that I just don't have the faith (used to, I guess I lost it along the way, nothing really to do with my mom's cancer) that others do and depend so heavily on here.

[Kasey]

Hi Dave,

First of all, I am ecstatic.......over the moon for joy, even, at your NED status. Sometimes, I, too, feel more a voyeur than actual participant here. As you can see by my Profile, I have done well for 3 years now. My heart aches, breaks, and cries when so many struggle, lose their battle or their loved one. It does.

When I began my LC journey I was given no hope of survival for more than just a few months. By stumbling onto this website I found Donna G, at that time an almost 7 year survivior of pancoast tumor. That was the first glimmer, even, of anything positive for me. So my question to you, Dave, is this............have you received any hope that you may survive because there are others here doing so? For sure I have. If survivors weren't posting good scan results and Ned status, what hope would we be sending out to the newbies who are scared, depressed, despondent, confused?

On occasion I have posted about feeling reluctant to come with good news and have been so gently reprimanded by those still in the throes of the battle that such news is not only needed, but welcomed to reenergize those who must battle on. So I continue to do just that and I so hope you do too.

and so few wars being won

.

If all of us doing well stayed away.......well, I guess all the newbies would figure just what you stated ~ that hardly any wars were being won. And I want them to know that MANY battles and wars are being won and that there is always the HOPE that they may experience the same.

Don't shy away, stay away, or feel any regret that you are doing well. You are the reason many come to this site ~ because they receive something here they get NOWHERE else........that there is hope and there are survivors.

Way to go with your NED, Dave. I am going to toast you and celebrate your survival. Many here will be doing the same even if you don't see a post by them. It is something we ALL need.

Kasey

[dadstimeon]

Dave,

Great post and food for thought-- Why anyone should feel guilty because they are having good results etc or anyone should hold it against someone is beyond me. I’m always glad to read good news about someone doing well and beating the odds regardless of my situation. Survival is what it’s all about and it’s human nature. That’s what gives people hope, encouragement and inspiration. Where is it written that we cannot or should not talk about the positive side or that we should just go into funeral mode when told we have cancer? That it has to be all dome and gloom. My heart goes out for those who are having a hard time and for those who have succumbed as well. But it’s not going to stop me nor should it anyone else from posting about hope, staying positive and trying to let others know that cancer is not a death sentence, that one can live with cancer/beat cancer and still have a life. Plenty of us are beating the odds and we need to be herd! So here is a big CONGRADULATIONS on being NED, may you continue to have success, continue to be a part of this board and your voice is herd.

Rich

[Roger C]

Dave, as you can see I am not exactly a gun ho poster. Like you I come here often during the day and read the forums. There is nothing that pleases me more that to hear good stories and how well people are doing. That is so encouraging to me. I know there is a lot of sadness also and that really bothers me deeply. No one should shy away from posting good news. It is so,so helpful to newcomers. Just wanted to say something about your excellent post. Thanks.

[alexan]

Dave, I don't know why you should feel guilty. We had our days.... I am Stage IV & in partial remission & feel great, lot of times depress because I am scared of the tomorrow but I found here all this wonderfull friends that they arre alwys here for you. I don't like to see them feling bad & I get very woried when I don't see their posts. But them you see a post again & is a stremley happy moment to see again that they are find.

Please still posting, is great to have somebody NED for a long time.

bucky

[Shelley (MLC)]

I absolutely LOVE to read the good news. This is such a horrible disease and we were all so scared when Mom was diagnosed. I found this site and all the love and hope that is shared here. If there were only sad stories posted here, where would we find the will to try and fight this monster. I read the sad posts and cry here with everyone, but I look forward to the good news posts and the hope they bring to me and my family. Please keep posting and congratulations! Shelley

[beatlemike]

Thanks so much for your post Dave. I to have often felt the same way as you. But Im not very good at putting my feelings into words.Mike

[RandyW]

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[mary colleen]

All: My husband is in a "quiet period" in LC right now, after a tough year. I can't speak for everyone, but during good times and especially during not so good times, I NEED the prospect of hope that that folks who are doing well bring here. It allows me to carry that hopefulness back to him. I also need the perspective of surviving loved ones, and I need the experience of helping to support those who may be struggling at a given moment. As they say - "it takes all kinds". That has never been truer anywhere than it is here. Just my 2 cents worth.

Mary Colleen

[JB]

I for one would love to hear anyone, actually everyone, come on here and type those three little letters that I Col and I can't type. I don't care what the dr's said, what the statistics said, I want to know what the people who battled it said. And if they say NED, faaaaget about it, I M thrilled. I know the stats, I know the challenges, we have a lot of info on that, heck, I even have some first hand experience with it with family members and extremely close friends of the family.

Thanks to this site, I KNOW THE HOPE. I come on here as much to see someone else say NED. Being that I've only posted here in the last couple weeks, but lurking for a year, I will offer my opinion. That is you'll get a lot of OOOOOOHHHHH YEahs and thank you Jesus and way to go's than you will anything else.

We all want one thing...To come on here and have the site be inactive cause no one has LC n e more. I believe that.

Sorry all my posts are so long. But my emotions get the best of me.

[Snowflake]

Dave,

It's called "survivors' guilt" and it doesn't just happen to cancer survivors. I'll bet if you took a cross-section of people who managed to get out of the Twin Towers, you'd see the same, people knowing that "there but for the grace of God go I."

This isn't like a foot race between two people. In a race, the fact that there is a winner means there is a loser. Your success is not due to someone else's failure. We mourn those who are taken from us, we celebrate those with good news. Some days good news is a clear scan, other days good news is simply "woke up on this side of the daisies."

Try not to wear that mantle of guilt. Be here to reach out to the new members. I no longer have information on "best cure possibilities" - I know what has worked for me and I know that it is no longer the common protocol. All I can offer is my presence, the fact that there ARE survivors. When I found this site, I was seeking survivors - and I found some. Through that exercise, I discovered that I am one - as is everyone here. Those with active disease? Every day they spend on this earth, they spend as SURVIVORS.

Offer your hand to the terrified newcomers. Remember that terror? I do. Talk 'em down from it, bring them in from the ledge. There is always hope for a cure, share the hope.

Stay. Post when you're moved, post when you recognize the terror and the need to talk to ANYONE who has survived. Share your strength with someone who may have lost all hope for a time. Pick them up and bring them back to the journey.

...and to carry on some phrases, "it is what it is" (Stand4Hope's Don) and "it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings" (FRANK LAMB).

Take care,

Becky

[nonni]

Dave...I certainly hear where you are coming from...I felt the same way when I first started to post almost 3 yrs ago....I had a lobectomy and was fortunate to be 1A with no other involvement's...When I first started to read the posts and read how some were not doing too well...I felt so bad...I stood away and would post very seldom...I didn't want those not doing to good to see how well I was doing....but now I don't feel that way at all...and I hope you won't either...

When I have good scan's...I can't wait to get on here and give other's hope...I tell them ...what's "good" for me is 'hope' for all of us

We are all in this together good or not so good and all hanging in waiting for the BIG C...(THE BIG CURE)

God Bless us ALL and He does..

Kasey ...I loved you post...you are too good girlfriend!!

hugs everyone....nonni

[trish2418]

Congratulations on NED, Dave -- I never get tired of celebrating that! As a matter of fact, I never get tired of good news. Please keep sharing yours; it gives us all hope. Take care.

Trish

[Treebywater]

Dave:

NED are my 3 favorite letters of the alphabet. You scream'em from the rooftops!!!!

[carolhg]

I came for hope and I received it here. I actually had my primary doctor tell me, "Carol there is no need for you to see the surgeon, it has spread to your lymph nodes. There is nothing that can be done unless chemo can help you." The HMO social worker had to make me an appointment to see the surgeon. The oncologist did not agree with her nor did the surgeon. Needless to say I changed to another primary doctor. I came here actually looking for people who were the same stage as me and doing well after treatment or surgery. I found them, they gave me hope and sanity at a time when I truly felt that I was losing it. If you, I or anyone can provide that needed support for anyone else, believe me it is needed and much appreciated.

Carol

[Welthy]

Dave,

Omigosh -- NED is huge and ALWAYS welcome news here! (I think your Southern manners are showing when you felt like you couldn't scream it from the rooftops. )

Here's my take, for what it is worth. Lung cancer is like war and in the battle there are many casualties. This is an undeniable fact. But, as in a battle, when the flag goes down, there is always someone ready and willing to pick up the standard and carry on. Although we may be at different points in our personal battles, knowing that there ARE those who can continue to fight and even win, brings hope to all. You have become the most recent standard bearer and we all cheer when we have winners in the battle! (Clearly my husband likes to watch too many old war movies. )

So carry on with pride, in honor of the fallen and to give hope to the newer soldiers. Please know we love to hear all the victories in this war my friend!

Welthy -- enough analogies already!!

[Leela]

Dave,

Hearing NED is music to so many ears! I sincerely hope you and others will continue to post their successes and encouragement. It gives all of us so much hope. Thank you for your heartfelt post.

Lisa

[Wendy]

Shout your good news and share it with us.

God bless you,

Wendy

[Don M]

"So many battles being fought by people with far more courage than I "

Dave, I sometimes get comments that I have a lot of courage in dealing with my disease, but I suspect that I am like most others, it is not so much courage as it is that I and perhaps we have no choice. I (we) just deal with it one step at a time.

And, I also appreciate any NED news that anyone has to share and congratulations on your NED.

Don M

[Judy-OK]

scman my dear friend ... while it is true you do not say much in chat at least you understand my warped sense of humor!!! And since you posted this I now know you have a real name soooooooo Dave never feel bad about getting a good report. The other persons good report might be just around the corner.