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My beautiful mom has passed away- NSCLC diagnosed June 2020


Saturn_Bound

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Hi Everyone,

it is with the heaviest, heaviest heart that I share that my mom passed away yesterday June 5th at UCI hospital.

We called the ambulance on Tuesday morning due to severe shortness of breath that was not improving with her at-home oxygen concentrator. They put her on a bipap machine to keep her stable for a while and then downgraded to a high flow nasal cannula. I was still hopeful when I left the hospital Tuesday afternoon  because the nurse was optimistic that they would be able to ween her down slowly and take her out of ICU, but I got a call from the night shift nurse at 4am on Wednesday that she was desaturating dangerously and they had to put her back on the bipap.

My sister and I rushed to her side. Her oxygen levels were erratic until they gave her some steroids and a little morphine to calm her. By that time the ICU doctor pretty much told us there was nothing else they could do and called in the palliative “comfort care” team. Her lung scan was covered in white and had almost no lung space/capacity anymore. The reason was unknown: they said it could have either been a side effect of treatment or the cancer itself. The oncologist later called us to confirm this. 

We were lucky to have her lucid on Wednesday before they started kicking up the morphine levels. We had some beautiful last moments and tons of family came by over the next few days to pay their respects. By Thursday she was too zonked out on the drugs to really speak—but she did manage to get out a few phrases: “now I’m okay”, “this is beautiful”, and “don’t worry”. 

In the end my sister and I asked for privacy as she took her final breaths and it was just us 2 by her side, loving her till her last breath. Right after she passed (around 3pm) we saw 3 Angel-shaped clouds in the sunny sky and we figured it was her on her new voyage. 

i am beyond broken and devastated. She leaves us with a huge emptiness trying to navigate this new world without her. I need her more than ever in this dark and difficult time, and I ask myself how will I manage to go on without her. I am only 32 years old and yet to hit many life milestones. It all feels so so unfair. But i will go on because it’s what she wanted for me. 

Thank you for all the advice and support you offered over the year. I wish you all the best of luck dealing with this awful disease. One day I hope to involve myself in advocacy measures and lung cancer screening awareness in honor of my mom.

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I'm so sorry and offer my condolences to you and your family. Please take comfort at her peaceful passing surrounded by loved ones. My father died several days ago and his final hours were far from peaceful. 

It won't be easy for you, but hold onto the memories from better times. You were a wonderful advocate for your mom and you did all you could for her. Thank you for sharing her journey with us. 

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I'm so sorry, Saturn. I was just about exactly your age when I lost my mom (metastatic breast cancer) and I still miss her to this day. Over time, though, most of the memories are happy ones. Every now and then I dream about her--even the silly fights we used to have when I was a teenager--and it feels like we had a visit. I hope you can take comfort in happy memories and the knowledge that you were a huge help to her over this past year and at the end. I could tell by the way the two of you were smiling in that picture you posted that you had a happy relationship. And trust me, that's worth a lot more in the long run than more years of an unhappy one. And I'm sure she would agree.

Sending hugs and warm thoughts for you and your family.

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Saturn,

The loss of your mom is devastating. In reading your story of her passing, I am remembering my experience with my mother and her last moments. She also said "don't worry." Like your mom, mine was a mother to her last breath.

Stay the course.

Tom

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Saturn,

My prayers to you and your family that you can find some peace at this difficult time.  Loss is always hard, but losing a parent is a special kind of loss.  We're never sure what a loved one may see or feel at the end, but I'm glad that it seemed peaceful for your Mom.  

Lou

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I am so sorry for your loss. I am one of the lucky ones, my Mom is still with us and living in the house I grew up in. She'll be 92 in August. Although I hate the pain she goes through watch me go through my treatments.

I hope you are able to find peace with her passing. My youngest daughter is 28. I worry about her most of my 3 girls.

💕

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