Remembering Dave Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Dave is taking steroids for the sinus mets causing some inflammation where it pushes into his brain (he's taking decadron). Steroids always make Dave manic and psycho. To top it off, yesterday he overdid it, so last night he was overly tired AND psycho. He YELLED, I mean LOUD, all evening at Faith and I. It was weird. I didn't feel well to begin with, sinus headache (yeah, no bonkitis for me, I really do have allergy/sinus problems). I took Faith up to bed, and she kept asking for Daddy, she wanted him to read her bedtime story to her so bad, but he wouldn't do it, he wouldn't come upstairs, he just stayed downstairs steaming like some old bull. When I went downstairs he yelled at me some more (for not getting on the treadmill because he thought I should get on the treadmill, period). So I just took my meds and went upstairs and laid down with Faith, I was crying, I thought she was asleep but she wasn't, so we both just laid there for a while and finally I composed myself and went to our bed so I wouldn't keep her awake. She is so sweet, just laid there holding my hand. Mama, boo boo? Then, this morning, I'm walking into work with a co-worker, after going to one of Dave's doctor appts. with him. This co-worker is a bit of a sad sack, there is nothing in her life I can see that is so horrible, she's divorced and has no one in her life, but is always so down, like everyone else's life is so much better than hers, she is just depressed and also has a really bad "can't do" attitude. Never ask her to do anything that is not exactly right in her job description, she can't do that. Anyway, she asks me how's it going and I say, well, Dave's cancer is back. We say a few things back and forth, just small talk, and then she says "well, you know, Karen, everyone has problems in their life." WHAT? Everyone? Yeah, I guess if you walk around thinking that everyone else's life is much better than yours and you yourself are some pathetic lonely person oh woe is me, yeah, I guess so. I told her, yeah, Brenda, I guess you're right, everyone's got a spouse who could DIE from CANCER at age 40 and have a young child and who's mother who helps her more than anyone else might also DIE because she has COLON cancer, yeah, EVERYONE's got it at least this bad right now!!!!! Now, this is NOT me. I am not like this, but after spending the evening being screamed at and then hearing this, I just about lost it. GRRRRRR. OK, I feel better now. see ya, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Yell away. We can take it. There is nothing more frustrating and scary than watching our spouses change characters. At least you can see it is the medicine. And he will be back to normal. Wishing you much peace ... Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Karen, Vent anytime! Sometimes you just want to strangle someone sometimes. Weve all been there. Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hey sweetie, I'd be screaming too!!!! Glad you feel better. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hi Karen, I may sound wierd, but I don't think you vented. I think you told a story and I would have done the same exact thing. David sounds like my dad in that when he is cranky, it is "go on the treadmill" and he gets mad at me and/or my mom for being fluffy and then he gets grumpier. He used to be really grumpy but now with my mom's cancer he is more mellow. So anyway, I can undersatnd how you were frustrated. And I find that when I AM frustrated and upset b/c of something cancer related, I am more able to say the TRUTH to people and that is what you did, you told the TRUTH to that woman Every once in awhile peple NEED to be put in their place. So GOOD FOR YOU! Now, how is David today? Is he calmer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hebbie Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Karen VENT AWAY!!! I wish my husband would get on here and vent because I know I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this past year and he usually takes the brunt of the "down" times. Just remember that it isn't your david talking, it's the drugs.....I hope your sweet husband returns to you and Faith just as quickly as he left!! And as far as your co-worker Brenda.....I would love to hear her response to your comments -- and good for you for making them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Karen, Hang in there. Steroids aren't forever. I had a heck of a time with them, and I took them for the lung inflammation I would get with a cold virus so I could breath. I only had to take them maybe a week or ten days. They are HORRIBLE!! You're a devoted wife and mother, just let him stew in his own juices while he's raging.... It's tough, you can't sleep well, you don't WANT to be like that, but you can't help it. The sweetest woman I know had a brain tumor removed, rather large but benign, and had a long course of steroids. Her daughter came home from college, to be with her, and this woman dotes on her only child. Spent an entire day screaming at her daughter, calling her B/witch and threw her out of the house. Her poor husband had his hands full. Of course she was horrified, but as she put it, it was like watching someone else do it. One more bump in the roller coaster -- steroids. Beats having your brain explode, though. Vent anytime you like, darlin', we're here. Even steroids aren't forever! Much love to you and Faith (Dave too, under the steroid monster mask..) XOXOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Yell...Karen...Yell!!! You can even yell louder if you like!!! We've got broad shoulders and lots of understanding here! It's good to know I'm good for something...even if it is a sounding board!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Oh Karen Dear, I know there are days when we have a very hard time being the caregiver but somehow we do do it and you are doing it extremely well. Both David and your mom are very lucky you are there for them. Medicine can really hit a person hard, they at times do not realize what they are saying or doing plus they themselves half to deal with the cancer in their minds also. I know he would not be like that if it were not for the meds so try and not pay much attention to what he says when the steroids are in the body. He loves you both very much and you know that... As for your fellow co-worker, ditch her. She only has down time for herself.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Karen Vent, rave away, fine with me, Mike was on steroids once (not for long) and he tried to get mad at me, but I had an advantage I am deaf (accident) and right in front of him, I took out my hearing aid and smiled and smiled some more, till he stopped and had to smile also. The steroids will stop and he will be back with you. Good luck. Hugs J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 OK all don't verbally beat me up, but... I love David C as much as anyone else on the board who reads his posts and cheers him on and cries if there is a reason to cry with him and laughs when there are situations that call for laughter. I have never yet taken steroids, but I have heard of the effects from a few others. I know they don't effect everyone the same. But I don't think it is OK for you and Faith to have to fear and/or experience his yelling. Pls call his onc office and see if there is ANYTHING that they can give him to try to counteract this side effect. Not just for you and Faith, but for David too. I am sure he doesn't want to be doing this. I know he doesn't. You have to think of Faith and yourself too. Is there anywhere else you can stay? You need to be strong and you are doing a lot. Try to do something that will alleviate this stress. love to all three of you elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hey guys, OK, first of all, Heather - SWEET? Dave???? Hmmm. new adjective for Dave that's for sure (haha). Curtis - thanks - I know you've been there, done that. Mary Ann - good story about your friend. I know Dave sees himself sometimes like this and cringes. J.C. - LOVE YOUR TURNING DOWN THE HEARING AID!! I want a hearing aid so I can do that, ha! Norme - don't even know why I even had a conversation with this lady. She's really pathetic. Elaine - I've thought about taking Faith over to my folks' house and staying there some but I really don't want to leave Dave alone. He needs us more than we need him to be sane. and to everyone, yes, I think I am going to first discuss this with Dave, then send a fax note to his oncologist asking him to advise Dave on getting off the steroids (I know you have to step down from them gradually). The side effects from them are far worse than his symptoms I think, but I do want to have a serious discussion with him first. thanks everyone. I feel better. I also want to say that I told my boss, the cool one who understands (her husband died suddenly two years ago of a heart attack at age 37 and she has three small children) yesterday that I was apologizing in advnce for being moody this week, and she told me that (a) she didn't think I was so terribly moody; and ( I was certainly justified in being in any kind of mood I felt necessary. How about that for an understanding person? Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Where does the cool boss stand in relation to the boss I don't like and whose butt I want to kick for you? Hopefully hirer up But unlikely, the nicer folks are usually down lower on the totem pole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Andrea - the cool boss is lower on the totem pole than the weinie boss - of course. But she doesn't report to him. I'm sorta split between two practice areas - corporate and litigation. he's a litigator. I guess he only knows how to have adversarial relationships with people. Must be why his wife left him (cheap shot). The cool boss, in addition to just plain ole' being a neat person, also suffered a terrible loss of her husband, so she actually knows what I'm going through (sorta - the difference being hers was VERY sudden and total, mine is dragging out for years and hopefully is not so "total" if you know what I mean). see ya, Karen (geez, gotta get some work done, but I can't get through the day without you guys!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Oy vey, split between two lawyers That is soooo hard, it can be like two parents telling you what to do. I used to work for two partners and I once had to put them in a room and tell them to work it out b/c I was tired of being tugged Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Yeah, know what you mean. Not long after I started working at this place, I ended up working for six lawyers, in four different practice areas. Needless to say I did a pretty crappy job, after a while I just sorta quit trying to please everyone and just more or less showed up, ha. Well, I knew it was temporary, except that I didn't know this company's definition of temporary, ha. After that, they did another reorg of the department and I ended up with just two. Everyone else supports more lawyers than I do right now but that's ok because (a) I did my part; and ( considering my personal circumstances, I think it's just fine I have less to keep up with at work. see ya! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 More screaming tonight, after it took me two hours to get home in the worst storm I've ever driven in, driving rain, flooded roads, thunder and lightening. The steroids have gotta go. Thanks for listening. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jana_W Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Karen, there is nothing I have to really add to what everyone else has said. I just want you to know I am thinking of you, Faith and David and hoping things get better once those steroids are kicked out the door. with love Jana xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Dear Karen, I think I can say that I know a little of what you are going through. David has been very snappy and snarly of late too. His nails are , (painfully,) falling off, his eyes and nose are constantly streaming and he can't work on his model locomotives as his fingers are numb! His toes are numb too, so walking is difficult. I understand that this, coupled with the awful threat of losing ones life, must be more than one can bear, and I try to resist snapping back when he is short with me, but sometimes I can't, especially when I am tired out and dying inside myself. I try to calm myself, by saying, over and over again "It's not him speaking it's the disease"! I have a friend who's husband had cancer and he used to get very nasty sometimes. She told me she would smile at him sweetly and say, "And I love you too Dear"! Maybe we should try that! I will be saying a special prayer for you Karen, Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Hi Karen, I wish I could offer a solution to you but I can't. I too was given the drug from He**, DECADRON. It turns one into a total out of control person. It was either black or white, no gray area. My husband went through so much when I was on that stuff ( was on it for five months). You don't realize what you are saying, it just comes out. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't stop. It was awful and don't try and interupt me, it made it even worse. You might want to talk to Dave's doctor and let him know what is happening and see if he can help you maybe with different meds. Please consider taking Faith to a relative's home so she doesn't have to go through the screaming, she doesn't understand. You don't want her to have memories of daddy screaming at her or mommy. Dave can't control what is happening, I speak from experience. How many MG is he taking. They wanted me to take 18mg per day and I said NO, that's too much. I took a total of 2mg per day and that worked for me. You are all in my prayers. If I can help, please e-mail me or give me your number and I can call you or vice versa... God Bless and hugs, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Well this thread has me worried out, tonight. Will xxanax or something help with this awful side effect? Again, I want to reiterate what I said earlier and what Karen just said. Pls take Faith somewhere. She not only may be frightened by Dave, but also by your fear and upsetness. She is just too little to understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Karen, I am here to listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Karen, you needed to vent and it is good you felt free to do that here. Glad it made you feel better. Lucie doesn't shout -- she cries. Now that she is back on chemo, she is doing it more frequently. But I've been there and I handle it better now. My son told us when we reported the recurrence that we had learned a lot with the first bout and would be better equipped for the second. This is true -- doesn't make it any less frustrating, but it does help to have knowledge and move on it. I try to avoid people like the one you mention, especially when I am in such a situation as cancer. I want positive people around, not sadsacks. I do believe some people think their mission in life is to play "ain't it awful" and they always feel their situation is just as dire or worse than anyone else's. I recommend you avoid her, or at least don't have any conversations over "Hi" and "I'm fine". It isn't worth it. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Karen - You go sweetie.... you vent, scream, yell, stomp your feet... whatever it takes to help you through this. As for your co-worker.... I would have paid money to hear you say all that to her!!! What a moron!! Sometimes ya just have to call em as you see em!!! Prayers for strength. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Dear Karen, Sorry this has been so tough on you, and your family. You call that ranting, raving, you can do better, let it out. Just think what a sympathetic ear you will have as we all have our turn to let it fly. I know you will be the first one I turn to when I am at the edge. Hope this steroid trip is over soon. Sending you a big hug and a box of tissues. Nancy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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