Treebywater

I changed my Avatar and wanted to share this: Just for you, Kasey!!!

Many prayers being said for you, Cindi! I wish Carolyn and I could come visit and give you smooches... Take care of yourself and let us know how you are when you're able. I NEED my Cindi'oh fixes!

Her name is Becca.

When strange patterns begin to develop I get my own superstitions. For example, right before I had my main wedding shower, my grandfather died. Right before my first baby shower, DH's Step FIL had a major medical emergency, and my Aunt Sue died. I decided that showers were a bad idea for me to have. So for a later shower I was given I insisted that it be a Baby BLESSING and not a Shower.

I don't have any info to offer, but I want you to know that I am praying and holding onto lots of hope for you! I can't wait for the day that I see a post from you that says, "We have a baby coming!" Hang in there. I know this has to be SO HARD for you. And good luck with all that is going on, Andrea!

How was it? We want details! Connie has some awesome pictures up! (btw--MN Bashers sounds really violent!!!)

I'm so very sorry, Bronwen. I ache for your loss.

You're right, Cin... Everybody there IS hurting... And I do need to consider that. I think more than anything it was the leaders that gave me the feelings I had. Everyone else was legitamately expressing about their experience--and I welcomed that. My experience though, felt facilitated around. And I guess that makes sense because the loss the leaders know best is the loss of a spouse. Three meetings sound sensible. I'll try....

Jamie--I haven't replied til now because I haven't known what to say past the lump in my throat. I am THRILLED that your little guy is three and THRILLED that you ARE here to see it. I pray and believe that you will see MANY MORE Of these birthdays. Give him one more LCSCer happy birthday and hug from me.

Fazolis!

Bear with me. I'm processing here. I went to a grief recovery group tonight. I was anxious about it (I was afraid it would be too 'come to Jesus-y.' Though, I'm totally ok with Jesus). But I thought I would at least check it out and see what it was all about. When I called to ask about it, I made sure to ask if all types of losses were included, and I was assured that they were. But... I felt really invisible tonight. I was there with a group that was totally made up of folks who had lost their spouses--including the leaders. I have ALWAYS understood that the loss of Mom is totally different than the loss of a spouse and the pain I feel probably pales in comparison to the pain of losing one's husband or wife. But I wasn't prepared to feel invisible because of that. It felt like questions were asked around me. I wasn't included in the discussion. I didn't say anything during the time when we were talking because there really wasn't a time TO say anything. Nothing applied to me. There were parts of the video session that especially emphasized that the loss of a spouse or child were the hardest losses, but seemed to infer that other losses weren't big, and weren't as worthy of big grief--and as I say I am NOT denying or begrudging the idea that they are larger losses. I have never for a second deluded myself into thinking that what I went through dealing with Mom being ill and Mom dying was anything near what those of you who have lost spouses went through. I never thought that. I have that in perspective. Then, a moment came up where the leaders suggested it was easier for those of us who had lost loved ones to terminal diseases because we had time to prepare. Again I won't deny that a sudden loss is VERY different and VERY hard, but I wouldn't say they are necessariliy easier. There is a lot to process through with both. I am still processing through my experience caring for Mom even as I work through my grief. I don't know. Maybe I felt out of place because it was all people who were much older than me. Maybe I felt out of place because all of these people had a common kind of loss and I was the odd one out, but all evening I felt a sense of, "Why is SHE here? She only lost a mother." And that hurt. I know that it is the natural order of things to lose a parent, and less natural or normal or expected to lose a spouse or a child. But you still go through life thinking it will never happen. My loss WAS big. I lost my MOM. The woman who shared her body with me for 9/10 months. The woman who taught me how to be a woman. The woman who was supposed to be here to help me through being a Mommy myself. I lost her just as I was starting to get to know her as a person and not just as a parental entity. Maybe it was the natural order of things, but it didn't seem natural to me. It seemed like one of the largest chunks of my world--one of my stabilizers--fell away beneath me, and I'm still not sure how to stand up without it. Why do we have to minimize the losses of others and decide that a person has less business feeling and grieving than others? I can be just as guilty of that as others... but I don't want to be. Especially now. It just really upset me. I went hoping to be able to process through some of my grief, and left feeling minimized. My loss might not be as big as the other ladies's, but it was BIG. It did hurt. And I feel like I have a right to hurt, and to have it take a while to get through this too. The one saving grace of the night came at the end when the lady next to me took me aside and asked when I lost my Mom, and how old she was, and shared with me about losing her Mom six years prior to losing her husband, and how hard that was for her and how now she is re-identifying herself with her Mom. If it wasn't for that ONE person I wouldn't think of going back. I might try it again just because of her. But if I feel this every week, it's going to be very, very hard.

Joyce, I am so very sorry that this is where you find yourself on the journey. Your words of hope are such an encouragement. If WE can be an encouragement to you right now, please let us. love, Val

Eppie, I bet the folks in the Ask the Experts forums could give you an idea of whether or not a PET scan would be a good thing to do right now, and what other tests might help. Don't think about those stats. Your Dad is your Dad and NOT a statistic. People fare better than numbers. There is HOPE! There is always, always HOPE.

SO Pulling for you, Jim!!! And praying too!

Janet--It's great that they're getting to the bottom of why she has been feeling so poorly. That's really important. I am going to say that it may NOT be depression, or wholly be at least. That may be part of it. It could be partly because of the low heloglobin and the dehydration. If things don't improve KEEP TALKING TO THE DOC about it. I've found that thinking it might be depression is an easy thing to do, especially when all we have to go on is words on a screen, but from experience it's not always that simple. Also, I think if it were me I would find it very frustrating to have people thinking or saying, "You are doing this because you are depressed," when in reality I wasn't able to do things because, I felt like crap and things in my body weren't right. It's obvious that you and the docs are doing what you can to get to the bottom of it, and that you're not just blaming the 'D' word, and I'm glad for that. Your Mama is very lucky to have you caring for her and advocating for her. Val

Oh, Thank God!!!! I am SO GLAD for this Cindi!

I'm so sorry that you're here. You still have some time to make some very precious memories. You will. And you will cherish those forever too. (((hugs)))

I just baked a BEAUTIFUL French Apple Pie with apples that I picked myself today. It's Mom's recipe. I like baking with Mom's recipes. It makes me feel like I'm doing something with her. I wonder if it'll taste better because I picked the apples myself? I think so. Anyway... I don't get to sample it until tomorrow, but it looks delicious! Who wants pie?

I'm thankful just for the opportunity to 'rub elbows' with you here in the online world, Fay. You keep us honest, keep us positive, keep us on our toes, and you are one heck of a fighter. I gotta say I'm glad we're on the same side! Have a MARVELOUS 51st birthday and then go on having LOTS MORE MARVELOUS birthdays!

You may be more frail in body, but you have every bit as much vim and vigor as always in all other areas. So... does this mean a new primary? I don't like the sound of that. I do like the sound of it being Stage 1 and hopefully wiped out by surgery and this next regimen. And the success of the Tarceva is great news. You've been through so much lately, Fay! I'm so impressed, as always, with your attitude and drive to keep on trucking through this with grace and poise and positivity.

I think Ry hit the nail right on the head. We *NEEDED* those light-hearted posts to keep us going when things were really rough. I don't think they take away from the supportive atmosphere at all. In fact, I think it adds to that atmosphere as we all learn a little bit more about one another other than cancer related stuff.

Ugh... That IS a Mess. ((((hugs)))) to you. And praying.

Go Mary!

I'm here waiting with you and hoping and praying it's nothing.

They gave Mom Fenanyl Pain Patches. Those seemed to help, though we weren't correctly instructed on how to use them (apply on area near the heart). I don't know anything about the meds you mentioned, but keep communicating with the docs until they find what will make the pain as managable as possible.