Treebywater

I really LIKE good news. The even better news to me is that you guys are feeling refreshed. That will be as much an asset to your continued battle as anything. Huzzah!!!

((((Mike and Sue)))) Darn it. I do hope you don't need the prednisone. That is what I will specifically pray for as well as success with new plans. We're here for you guys.

You're loving her so well. I'm sorry you got this news. I hope for hope for all of you and that the doctor's plans get things headed in a great direction.

I just want to give you a ((((hug)))) I hope you find some other options. We're here for you whatever you find.

I *LOVE* that word. I am SOOOO GLAD you got to hear it.

I totally missed htis until just now, and I am absolutely delighted for you guys!!!!

I Think about both I think... And I think I am more selfish in my thinking than you... But at the same time, I do have some of the same thoughts. I know Mom had been referred to hospice, so we knew it was coming... But she was only signed on for six days before she died. We thought we had at least a month or two of things slowly slipping away. I was thinking tonight about when her sister was here, and her little brother and how she was making sure to say important things to them. I don't think there was a time before she left that she looked at me and gave me a "This is what I want you to know" speech. And I think she probably wanted to, but thought she would have more time. The her part of her slipped away right after my aunt left, and I think she was thinking that she would save up what she had to say to Daddy and I until after she was gone. That makes me sad for her and for us. It makes me think she was probably very frusterated. Mom was really unable to communicate too, and what I hated most about her last few days was that she wasn't her anymore, but the SHE was still in there. Trapped inside and unable to go on, or interact with us like she would have wanted to. I think by and large what Don was thinking--especially in those moments when he squeezed your had was, "I love Peggy so much... And I am so glad she is here with me, and I might have wanted to say more, but I know she knows...." ((((((Peggy)))))) I was telling another friend today, I HATE this disease and what it's taken from us and from our loved ones. I just hate it. love, Val

Fay, it was SO GOOD to hear from you. Keep getting stronger and know that we're rooting for you every inch of the way.

Welcome, Eppie! I'm sorry that you needed to find us, but I believe that you'll be very at home here. It's a great place to help each other keep putting one foot in front of the other, day by day. So why do we need to hide our cats??

I know my loss was so different from yours, Nancy, but the wandering comment... Me too. ((((hug))))

To me... And you know that I have been processing over my own scenario... it sounds like he is still very much grieving--maybe even stuck in it and terrified to go on--and at the same time trying to do the 'move on' thing. I think that it is absolutely true that men who have been married to women they loved that long really feel that they need a woman in their lives... But maybe it's also the 'manly' tendency to 'Make it look like I'm ok.' Kind of a tough guy thing... So they kind of peter out on doing the stuff related to the one they lost because it's so hard, and try to go great guns on the 'new life' bit. (Again... I'm thinking out loud on my own stuff). I TOTALLY get why the card being signed that way upset you so much. If that happened here, I would be SO VERY UPSET. I wouldn't even be able to stuff it, I'd be so upset. I admire the way you handled it. Am here for you. I'll be your friend in the weirdness.

((((Starr)))) It is a hard place you are in, and I'm so sorry you have to be there. I agree with Katie. Explain that you want to be there for her for YOU. Yes you will be caring for her, but I came back to take care of my Mom as much for me, as for her. My Mom, I believe, struggled with the idea that I *her baby girl, her daughter, the one SHE was supposed to be taking care of* was taking care of her. So if you can make it sound as if you being there is as much about you as anything, I think she will understand. And then remember that while you are caring for her. I think it was Sharyn here who told me that she was given the advice to: Be the daughter as long as you can be. Yes, you're going to be caring for your Mom and that will look like a caretaker role... but remember she still needs to be the Mom, and to feel that that is what she is. Hospice will be a great help, and a lot of them have people who volunteer and may be able to 'spell you out' a bit. When we get to these moments there are ideals, and then there is what you have to work with. Having two caregivers might be ideal. If you don't have that, then work with what you've got. With Hospice checking in on you, chances are they'll help you to realize if you're in over your head, and help you get some help in there for you both if you are. I'm sure you know this already, but just in case, they have portable Oxygen tanks that you can take with you if your Mom wants to go to the ocean and what not. My Gramma travelled about 1500 miles with one at one point. And as Katie said you don't need to tell the Hotel about the smoking AND oxygen issue. Just be sure she isn't doing both things at once. We're here when you need to vent, or cry, or need some words to lift you up. (((((Hugs))))) to you.

applebees white chocolate blondie with maple/walnut drizzle... Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae at Steak-n-Shake.... Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake.... Oh wait... you just wanted one didn't you? Oops!

Lori, This makes me SOOO happy for you. I'm so glad you're Mama is out there at that game full force. I'm here cheering you BOTH ON!!!! Go Lori and Lori's Mom!!!!! love, Val

I LOVE this thread. So much fun. I feel all warm and squishy inside. Andy and I met the very first day of college--the move in day before classes even started. There was this lame-o connect group that was supposed to get you 'connected' to the school, and people, and academics. Andy was in it. He had on cowboy boots and looked, "Weird." All of us in the group HATED the Connect group, and because of our mutual hatred of the group, it had it's desired effect, and we all became wonderful friends as a result. Then I found out he was such a huge republican so much that I seriously suspected he had Ronald Reagon action figure underwear... Mom and Dad wouldn't go for that--and I wasn't sure I would either, so he was definitely out as far as dating went... He asked me to the symphony freshman year and I ran up to my room and cried to my roomie that I definitely couldn't go on a date... Especially not with Andy... So I ran back down and found him and said, "I'll go. But it's not a date. It's a NON-date." And I emphasized that so fiercely that I was sure he would never look my way again. His Daddy died Freshman year and it hit him really hard, and I knew he needed somebody to just sit and be quiet with sometimes, so I tried to be that person as much as I could be and we got to know each other and he was always special to me. Sophomore year he was *SO IN LOVE* with a cute little red-head (who is still a friend of ours). He took HER To the symphony too. I pouted. I was also the person that he vented to (trying to be ambiguous, but I'm very smart and knew what was going on) about how much he loved this cute little red-head and how he was beginning to think it was unrequited... And then he found out he was right and he vented about that. And then the end of Sophomore year I noticed he was *ALWAYS* around and had to sit by me anytime we were out with our friends or just hanging out in the dorms with everybody, and he insisted on always walking me home (but he did that with any girl who dared to walk back to the dorm by themselves because he is so chivalrous that way). And then one day he did that really cheesy yawn and stretch and put your arm around the girl thing. He doesn't remember that, but I do. So we talked like three days before the school year ended and decided that we would still just be friends but see if anything else developed. And the next school year we were still friends, and I really needed one at that point. And then we went to this weinie-roast and he toasted my marshmallows for me... And a few days later, I told him I thought I might keep him around because I didn't really like toasting marshmallows, and he was very good at it. I'm thankful for Marshmallows.

I just want to give you a ((((hug))))

I'm so sorry, Kerry. I hated that day in our story. If you need someone to cry with or just a hug please PM me. For now know that you are much loved and my prayers are with you and your Mom.

Remember Moses and Aaron, when the Israelites were in a battle and when Moses' arms were up they were winning and down they were losing? And his arms tuckered out. So Aaron helped him hold up his arms. We're right here--helping keep those arms up in this fight. Praying when you can't pray anymore and standing when you can't stand any longer. Don't forget. Love you guys. Val

That does sound very scary, but it really could all be nothing. And that's what I'm praying for. I'm also praying for peace, and strength for you. We're here for you, and the prayers won't stop! Val

I will pray. ((((((Beth)))))) ((((Bill))))

((((Peggy))))) It is those silly little things that you never thought about that will bring the memories, and the tears, and the hurt on so quickly.

I'm so very, very sorry.

I do understand. I've had thoughts along very similar veins. I never wanted the vocabulary I've become so accustomed to. I never wanted to say the sentence, "My Mom died in July." Those were words I never thought would be strung together. And now I find myself wanting to stay kind of close to some of those earlier words, because somehow that makes me feel closer to Mom. Anyway. I do understand. And you put your thoughts about words into words very well.

I was in the basement today and passed by an open tote with some of my old college textbooks (that have been there too long). I felt like reminiscing, so I peeked in the box and this book called Mama Drama was there. I didn't think much of it at first, but then I got curious. I picked it up, and judging from the inscription on the inside it looks like Mom must have sent it to me my Freshman Year of college. And in it she wrote, The thing makes me happy and sad. I lugged it upstairs. I loved seeing the words, "I love you very much. Mom" in her handwriting, but I wish she was here to be easy to get along with. I lost my Mom JUST as I was starting to interact with her as adult to adult. JUST when I was out of the stage of, "What does Mom know?" and in the stage of, "I better ask Mom." I don't know... It's like this symbol of what I wish I had now, and what I did have, and what I took for granted, and what I loved about my Mom. It might just become a talisman of sorts. Anyway. I just thought I'd share.

((((Lynne)))) You don't sound like you were having a pity party. You sound like you are doing a very good job of feeling what you need to and still putting one foot in front of the other today. I loved the poem. It's so absolutely true. Thank you for sharing your heart with us--whether it's heavy, or bursting with encouragement for others it's a blessing. Val