SBeth

Nancy, I'll be thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. I wish I had some advice for you as to when enough is enough, but I don't. I hope your heart will lead you and your husband to the right answers. In the meantime, we are here for you. Love,

Janet, I know what a wonderful feeling it is to see him get some sleep, feel better and EAT!!! I'm so happy to hear this. Now you need to start shopping for a bigger bed...or fast-forward to the end of the Idol season so there are few contestants sleeping in there with Ron. Thanks for sharing your good news...keep it coming.

Jen, I know it doesn't help, but I am so sorry to hear all that you are going thru. I hope that whatever treatment you decide to have / or not have, brings you comfort and peace. I will keep you, your husband and your precious children in my prayers.

"mets to bone" refers to metastasis to the bone or that the cancer has spread to the bone. NERD as a wonderful acronym for No Evidence of Recurrent Disease or NED / No Evidence of Disease.

Nancy, I'm so sorry for all that you are going thru. Please know that many many people are praying very hard for you and Mike.

Jackie, I'm so happy for you. This is wonderful wonderful news for ALL of us! Enjoy the celebrations.

I'm sorry, this is a bit gross, but I'm trying to find some answers...again. Bill has been on and off antibiotics for the past two months due to a persistent cough. While in the hospital and on an IV antiobiotic drip, he began to feel better and the cough was subsiding...but here we are a week later and it is returning. He's so sick of scans and tests that are offering no explanation for this cough. Now the gross part...when he coughs and is able to get a productive cough...he brings up a very clear (although occassionally a foamy white) very sticky and thick mucus. Lacking any greenish or yellow color, the doctors don't think he has an infection, yet keep giving him antibiotics to "try" and clear it up. I've asked if this could be pneumonitis (sp), but haven't gotten any answers. Anyone else have similar problems? Thanks.

Becky, Prayers, prayers and more prayers heading towards Nathaniel.

Peggy, You have been greatly missed around here. Please know that we are all praying and pulling for you and your family. I'm just a hop East and a jump over the state line...if you need ANYTHING Peggy! Love and prayers,

Absolutely (and O.J.) we should celebrate! Congrats Beth on all your and your family's hard work. Here's to the two year celebration! Love

Hi Michael and welcome! Boy can we identify with most EVERYTHING you said. The hardest part for my husband has been the dashing of many financial and future plans we had. He has finally come to terms with the fact that he will never be able to return to work (he has severe tremors due to his WBR)and, in turn, we will most likely not be able to build our dream home as planned. Our Memorial Day One Year anniversary date for diagnosis is approaching and it has been one memorable year. We are now looking forward to each and every day and trying not to plan too far ahead, as it may keep us from appreciating what we have right now! Well, that is how we're coping...today anyway; ask me again tomorrow and I'll likely take your head off in a fit of anger raging at the lot we've been given. Go figure! Anyway, again, welcome and please keep us posted on your victories in this battle. We're all here for each other!

Dear Sharon, We understand, we will miss you, take care of yourself. I hope you find the peace you are searching for. Love,

I know you are nervous about your WBR today. I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and sending many prayers your way. Please try and think about the end result and getting a clean MRI in a few months. I'll be thinking about you. Love,

Jen, So sorry that you are going thru all this; my husband endured the whole brain radiation in October 2004 and the actual radiation treatments had no ill effect on him. As everyone else has said, he was in and out in under 10 minutes every day (except the first) and had no burn or pain. Like clockwork, however, the day after his last treatment...he hit the bed and stayed there for about 10 - 14 days. He had no appetite, ZERO energy and did loose most all of his hair. Those two weeks following were the worst days for him...and it makes you think that you will never feel good again, but gradually he began to get back on track. I hope your treatments go smooth and you begin to feel better soon. Love,

That is some MUCH NEEDED good news! Thanks for sharing and getting the celebrations started. Very happy for you.

Hi everyone. I have a moment and wanted to post a quick update and check in on everyone else. Last time I posted we were trying to identify the source of Bill's pain and were considering the possibility that it was a side effect of his antibiotic...not so. He had some scans on Monday and his check-up on Tuesday resulted in his admission to the hospital. We are home this morning. Bone scans indicate that we are dealing with a bone met in the rib cage along with a fractured rib due to severe coughing. That said, the radiologist was quick to say that the bone scan isn't "conclusive" regarding a bone met and we'll have to compare to a future scan to be sure; net...no answers there. On to his next problem...pleural effusion causing shortness of breath and a rapid heart beat. The echo on the heart showed very little fluid, enough to diagnose as pleural effusion, but not enough to warrant any procedure to drain; net...no answers there. And finally; his liver count was "extremely concerning" to his oncologist...270 I think he said and had been slowing increasing over the past 4 weeks. The oncologist said he was very worried that Bill had a liver met. During his admission they did an ultrasound of the liver and much to everyone's surprise, the liver looked okay, despite the fact that everything else was screaming "Liver Met". His count was high, he was presenting some symptoms of jaundice and had severe abdominal pain; net...still could have a liver met that is developing deep inside the liver and not detectible with the ultrasound or CT scans...YET. So, here we sit, home from the hospital and a miserable week with NO ANSWERS and the now infamous but expected words..."We'll have to wait and see". I was a little taken back by the oncology team prior to admission. They pulled me aside and encouraged me to rally some support from our families and prepare myself that the road ahead was about to get very rough and that Bill was going to begin rapidly deteriorating. They said that if we are dealing with a liver met, he would probably only have three months left. It was hard to hear and even harder to share with my husband, but I had promised to not keep ANYTHING from him. He took it well, much better than I and is determined yet again to prove them all wrong! And if three months is all the time we have left, then it will be the most beautiful and precious three months of our lives. That is where I have been, a bit preoccupied but trying to log on and read when I can. Thrilled to hear everyone's GREAT news and feeling the pain with those not getting good news. ALL along, praying for all of you AND my husband! Love to all of you!

Tess, You must be so strong. That you even have the strength to come here after all you have been through amazes me. I will keep you in my prayers. Love,

Dear Betty, I cannot add anything to what has already been said, you are ALWAYS here for everyone with support, love and compassion. We are all here for you. You will continue to be in my prayers that you find peace in every new dawn!

Okay Melanie, maybe for ONCE lately I can be of some help and hope to someone. Bill's (my husband) brain surgery was performed on Memorial Day last year as an emergency surgery due to the location and seriousness of the tumor and the fear that it could have caused a seizure and/or death immediately. He went into surgery for the removal of that tumor before we even knew what his primary was. He was in surgery for 7 hours...the longest 7 hours of my life. Literally...within an hour post-surgery, he was sitting up in his bed (really pissed off about the catheter) and hungry. His recovery was amazing, to us anyway, but the hospital staff seemed to take it in stride. They said he was doing well, but that most people do recover well from this surgery. He was out of ICU and home on Day 5 and has never had any issues with the headaches, vision or balance since the surgery. I hope and pray that you breeze through this surgery as easily and get the great results that we did. I hope this gives you some comfort and hope that it is just one more hurdle to overcome so that you can have a belated birthday celebration for your daughter! Love,

Hi BC, I'm also very sorry to hear about the discovery of a femur lesion, but curious as to what test your oncologist did to diagnose the lesion? My husband has been having some very bad, increasingly worse, pain in his shoulder/chest area just above the incision and area where his original lung tumor was removed last June and last week his oncologist was pretty blunt when he said he was very suspicious that Bill had a met to his rib cage. He sent him for a chest CT and a bone scan (having those tests later this morning) to see what is going on, but also said that these tests wouldn't be able to tell us conclusively if it is a bone met. What does tell conclusively? And why do these tests if they won't serve this purpose? Anyone have any more information? I know that there is just a wealth of information on the internet regarding this if I took the time to track it down, but I'm honestly beaten down so badly that I don't have the energy to sift thru it and filter out the "bad stuff" that I don't want to know/read to get my answers. Anyone care to share the "Cliffnotes" on bone mets? Thanks,

Fay, This is wonderful news. I'm happy for you and hope your July 4th celebration will be the best!

Hi Nandie, You can read my bio below and see that my husband had his brain surgery first and then followed up with the gamma knife for some additional mets. His original brain surgery to remove the first tumor was unexpected emergency surgery...but relatively easy and he had a remarkable recovery. He was awake and alert within an hour post-surgery. He spent 3 days in ICU, but was sitting up in bed, eating dinner AND talking on a telephone two hours after surgery. He was on a high dose of steroids to help with brain swelling and they gave him alot of energy and a healthy appetite. He had no more headaches, no balance issues, no REAL side effects and no pain following his surgery. He often says that he'd endure another brain surgery ANYDAY over another lung surgery. Anyway..this was our story. I hope that your mother has an easy recovery as well.

WOW...I am so glad that I posted my original question and I am overwhelmed at the responses, both posted and PM'd to me. If I sit and think hard about what my strengths and my weaknesses are...I would have to admit that my biggest personal weakness is that I ask for advice, and then don't seem to listen to the answers, because I have already determined what they will be and what will work for me...so...that said; I decided to try a different approach. What an eyeopener. Some of the advice that I received that really stuck out in my head were... 1. Seek out a confidant and blow off steam / vent. 2. Scream REALLY LOUD while you are alone / driving. 3. Make time for myself, nails or new hairdo 4. ASK for help So...I did these things. I stopped by my sister's house on the way home from work and really enjoyed an hour of "in-law bashing" and venting. I cranked up the stereo in the car and SCREAMED the words to a few of my favorite songs and then threw in a few extra "throat-burning" screams for good measure. I took a long lunch and became a blonde (okay, just high-lights) for the spring. But the one thing that really helped...I ASKED for help (something I hadn't done before...I guess it was easier to be hurt that they couldn't read my mind). I called my step-daughter and asked her to come out on Sunday to "hang" with her Dad while I got out by myself. She was VERY happy to do this, so hopefully by Sunday evening I'll be in better shape. All in all I feel better, but realize that it is too early to tell for sure and I am still going to keep my appointments for check-ups and will do whatever I need to to get and stay healthy. Overall, it just feels good to know that I am not some "freak of nature" for having these feelings and that I am not alone. You are ALL so supportive and helpful. Thanks to all of you.

The threads from a separate post got me thinking; so I'm asking for some honest feedback about this question I have? Is there a difference between being angry and being depressed? After several weeks in this dark place I find myself in, I am finally seeking some help and taking a first step by having complete physicals on Friday. Everyone close to me tells me that I have "handled" everything so well that maybe I have just reached my breaking point and now I need some help to cope...but I'm not depressed...am I? I don't sit around and dwell on the what ifs...I don't cry at the drop of a pin...I don't want to just lay around in bed. What I do is...I find myself angry, mad, full of hate and resentment to the point where I feel like I am going to explode. I'm not making this about myself. I know that my husband is sick and no matter what I am going thru, it pales in comparision to the feelings he is strugggling with. I'm angry at his family. I'm angry at his mother and his brother and his daughters. I resent them that they don't have to live this disease day in and day out. They call, hear him tell them he feels okay (because he does at that particular time) and then they go on about their day without being forced to see how terribly this cancer has changed him. He is sick, he is tired, he is having pain and he is bored. My days consist of going to work, calling all day long to remind him to take his meds, remind him to eat, remind him to drink his water, then I rush home to do it all in person and believe me when I tell you that I wouldn't have it any other way...I'm his wife, I WILL BE his caretaker thru this. Nobody will care for him the way I will...BUT...sometimes I need a break and why can't I get one? I want to wander the Shopping Mall aimlessly on a Saturday afternoon, I want to hit a happy hour on a Friday with my sisters...but I want to know that while I am off licking my wounds, there is someone there with him...keeping him company, helping him if he needs it. So...am I depressed? Will some miracle drug make me feel better? Or, do I need anger management? Am I normal here? Will this storm pass? Does anyone else feel this way? I just want to feel at peace with my life again. Will that ever happen?

Mayos...Thanks for that input regarding the new and highly touted Levaquin. That is the same antibiotic that Bill began taking just one week ago and the pain began to worsen about 4-5 days ago. This makes me wonder if it could be a side effect of the drug. I'll keep you posted and let you know what we find out. Thanks to everyone else for the prayers and well-wishes, we know they are helping.