Addie Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Chemo begins again Monday thru Thursday. Five doses I think, concentrated into four days so that I can have the Neulasta shot on Friday. Apparently topotecan is hard on bone marrow and the blood counts. I have the reports from the MRCP and biopsy. There are four tumors in my liver (edited: I'd said kidney before) and "multiple" masses in the pancreas and "tail" of the pancreas. My onc used the term "generalized" and in context I took it to mean he suspects other, smaller tumors in my gut or other organs that don't show up yet...but are there. But...he maintains there's a chance to reduce the number or size of anything that is there with chemo...and after two or three cycles he'll scan or do an MRI to see if it's working. If not....well, then we go to round three, I guess or clinical trials. I dunno....a lot to think about right now. If the topotecan DOES work...then I'll stay on it...for how long, I don't know, but at some point he said maybe it'd be more a maintenance dose. Anyone ever done this with topotecan? I'm trying hard to stay positive at this point. Can't hurt and might do me some good to remain that way. But underneath the surface...it's like a duck on water......paddling for dear life. I am scared I won't have a lot of time. I know.....define "a lot". How about - am I gonna make it to my 59th birthday (Sept) or be here to decorate a Christmas tree this year? To see my son get engaged and then married? I've always felt the worst part about dying is all you miss out on after you're gone. Any positive thoughts for my future....are gratefully accepted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finster Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Thanks for sharing the plan. I think it's very important to try and remain positive (although I know it's next to impossible to be that way 100% of the time). Just know that we are all pulling for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Addie!! Fay is having a pity party this weekend and EVERYONE is invited...let's go!! I am coming and Cathyr is coming and Margaret is sounds like is bringing Swanson's frozen entrees... yummy! (not really)... I think we all need to get together and just let her rip! I mean RIP! Too much disease and recurrence going on.. get it out! Go for it! love you so much, dear. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K and Kids Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 Addie, Sending you a cyber hug and lots of prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Another ((((hug)))) for you. I hope this chemo kicks the cancer's butt and does it fast! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Addie, I think you should go to the pity party at Fays this weekend. Scream, cry and bit-h together and then put on your cool silk trunks with some name on the waist band and some big fat gloves and come out fighting on Monday. I have this silly thing about good endorphins and believe that a positive attitude has a certain curative value. So all of you wonderful ladies can only have a pity party until 12:01 a.m. Monday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 I don't know squat about topotecan, I guess you can go to google and find some answers, or ask the Experts about your medical questions. I too wondered about my last christmas (2002) I used to cry as we did Christmas shopping, me, my husband and daughter. Wandered thru the mall thinking "is this the last time i'll do this?" I wondered if I would make it to 51. I did. I think we all worry too much. I know I do. But, really, worry DOES seem to be a waste of time. So many times in my life I've worried about things, only to never have them pan out as so terrible after all. I'm not in you shoes, but I do understand your feelings and concerns. Try to do something to make you happy, even if it's hard, it's worth it. Praying for you, Addie, you're strong. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Addie, I think Fay's party sounds like a good time.I also think it's very important to maintain the good attitude (as hard as that is to do.) Wishing you the very best of results from the treatments your going to be taking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 I still say we need that bar forum Hang in there Addie...meet me at Fay's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Addie, You have a plan in place and we are all going to pray really really hard and then make you throw us a party when you get good news that the treatment is working. For now, you can be a g uest at Fay's, but I am looking forwrd to the ADDIE party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Oh, Addie, the questions the brain throws into the mix when we get news we really don't want to hear...the damn traitor! Off to the bar, let's quash those questions with a few boilermakers and the Chippendales Dancers... WA-HOOOOO! Excuse the drool... ...where was I? Oh yeah...c'mon, Addie, I think it's ladies' night at Cindi's pub! I have some extra singles in my wallet for you - just don't tell the Cookieman, okay? Muahahahaha xxoo, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 still say we need that bar forum Will you need a moderator or have you already been inundated with offers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 So sorry about your latest news. This stuff scares the crap outta me. I'm thinking we need to get that party going at Fays, we could all use some fun and try to get this off our minds for awhile. Sounds like a good time to take Cindi's advice and LET HER RIP! Meanwhile my prayers are headed your way. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rogfam Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 You're in my prayers, Addie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Addie Thinking only positive thoughts for you. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NellW Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Praying for you, and now with that said, my friend, meet ya at Fays!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Only positive thoughts for you Addie and lots of them. You are getting good vibes, wishes and prayers from many. Go to the pity party and like Ginny says, come out with the gloves on Monday morning. Go get 'em Addie. (((hugs))), Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Addie, You are in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Addie: "I've always felt the worst part about dying is all you miss out on after you're gone. " I can't remember who is credited with this quote, but I love it: "I won't mind dying when the time comes, I just don't want to be there when it happens." But, you're going to be kicking butt with these mets, so yes, let's start planning your birthday party. LOTS of cake, ok? Spiked punch, goofy hats - the works. Icky to have to open the veins again, I'm sure, but this is going to get you BETTER. Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Dear Addie, Not only are your going to make it to your 59th birthday, but we are all going to be celebrating your 60th in Cindi's bar. I have visisions of this chemo choking the life out of every single cancer cell. You go girl! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Hey Addie, Hang in there girl! I feel this is going to work for you. Those little cells have no idea what they are in for.... Kick A-- girl. Cindi's Bar is always open, never closes so that sounds good to me. We all deserve to go there at some time to just have a good time, to just forget and feel normal again. And put a good one on at the same time. hic cup... I will save a seat for you as you will be there with good news. I will be the designated driver. Good luck, meditation healing being sent to you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Prayers for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Dearest Addie, I have already sent and lost this message once, so this is retype.... I am so sorry that the awful fear that attacks us all has reared its ugly head. I know it well. It comes at the most inopportune times, usually when we are tired, weak and often sick. Somehow, though, we do remember how to put one foot in front of the other again and the fear fades and we can forget for a while that we are in a battle. I do have great hope for you. Chemo can and does do great things and it sounds like your doctor is a fighter -- I KNOW that you are. You have a lot to live for and many reasons to keep going - one day at a time. I will keep you in my prayers Addie. I do know those fears and feelings and am here if you want to talk or type. Please PM me if you would like to talk more one on one. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elnodel Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Addie, Just forge ahead with the chemo and blast those little ol' cells to bits. And you still have time to make the pity party before you start. You'll need to be a presence there so everyone can come to the Addie party when we celebrate your complete triumph over those pesky mets. You know we're all behind you! Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Addie, Good luck w/ the chemo. I will be praying for you. After I read this post I think you should have the port put in. Your chemo seems strong. Take care and good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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