Cindy RN Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Well I had my CT of the abd and chest, bone scan and bld work all done last week. Hard to believe it but all is still NED. I went to the Dr. Mon to get the results really expecting to hear it was in the bones and had spread in the chest. I have had more SOB and bone pain. The scar tissue from the radiation to the L lung in 2003 has built up causing the SOB and the arthritis (they think was induced by the chemo) has worsened thus more bone pain. I can live with these results. He changed some meds, started inhalers and a new pain med. I walked out of there feeling numb. I don't even know how to explain this. After 5 yrs I did not expect to be here much less be told there still is no new cancer. I told Katie once I feel guilty at times for still being alive. I know that sounds crazy but what this disease can do to you physically is awful, but it can do more damage mentally at times. I look around since I started on these boards at the ones who have since passed. Friends of mine here at home who have died from LC. I see what my family has gone thru mentally and the financial drain this has had on us. I still do not know how to feel about these results. I get myself prepared for the worst EACH time I go for scans and they are good. You would think I would be on top of the world. This time is different. I know this does not make sense. Hopefully in a few days I will be able to get back to normal and look forward to putting out my garden and being outside again (hate all this rain!!) I have had several PM me about the tests and I appreciate the concern. You all are great. Some of you who are living with this may understand my feelings about this. I have a hard time talking with my family because they are all excited about this news. You know us mom's-we can not upset the family we have to be positive and upbeat! I am tearing up just writing this. Maybe I need a vacation in the Bahama's!! Anyway, I wanted to get this off my chest. What better place than here. I am always telling others to vent, guess it is my turn. Thanks for listening Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hi Cindy. Give yourself a few days. I feel so often that the good news has a harder time sinking in than the bad news. It takes awhile before all the cells in my body accept the good. See if I am right and let me know in a week if all within you are in agreement that you do not have recurrence and that you deserve this good news. love, Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hi Cindy, I lost my Dad to lung cancer over two years ago. When I come to this web site and see that you and others are living and surviving this monster it gives me such happiness and satisfaction to know that others are fighting and winning even if my Dad is no longer here. I hope that soon you can accept and enjoy your results. Congrats and God Bless! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Cindy,this really is great news and you should be happy about it and thinking mabe celebrate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I think I understand how you feel. Everytime I get CAT scans there's this build up of tension and fear that is really unbearable. Then I get the "GOOD NEWS" announcement and I feel great relief, but I also feel confusion as to why I'm still here and others are not. I ask myself why so many are gone and I'm not. The only conclusion I can come to is I'm still needed here.And that causes confusion because I wonder if I'm doing what I should be doing in life. But I'm sure many people with cancer DO feel this way. I guess it's all part of having this disease. I'm so glad you got good news. You're a real fighter and suvivor. Now, really, GO CELEBRATE!!!!! I'll meet you at Cindi's Pub. Joanie ((())) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorja Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Cindi, I am soooo happy for you. I don't know how you feel because I don't have cancer but my dad does. It is somewhat hard to understand why some people survive for so long and others don't. A good friend of mine's dad died from LC 3 years ago. He died within 6 months of dx. Why did her dad not have that long and why is my dad sticking kicking around? I believe that God has a plan for everyone and it is certainly not your time to go! Go celebrate! Your family must be sooooo happy! love, jorja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Love that NED! Congratulations, Cindi. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Cindy, I am very happy for you. You bring hope with your good news. Now you have to face arthritis and I hope they will be able to control it with the right medication. Celebrate when you feel good and you will. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I AM THRILLED TO HEAR YOUR GOOD NEWS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethluvswill13 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Cindy, Wow! that's excellent news. I hope you have many more clean scans. Hugs,Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flacrakr Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Cindy: Thank you for your update. I'm glad the results are positive. Like you, I anticipate hearing bad news after each scan. It's like my mother always said; "Expect the worst, and you're never disappointed." I concur that you are deserving of a Bahamian vacation. The weather is perfect; high 79, low 66. I came back with rested attitude and sun-burned legs. Oliver Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Wonderful news and I know what you mean too. As much as I celebrate the NED news I have this little niggle at the back of my brain that says I'm tempting fate by admitting that the cancer has gone.........it's just back in a corner, waiting to come out and bite my butt! Everyone's right though, that feeling does get put on the back burner so hang in there and really celebrate in a few days. Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blaze100 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Congratulations Cindy, I am so happy the news was good. Be thankful and Rejoice. With God all things are possible. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe B Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Cindy, With everything that you have seen here it is only natural to be hesitant to take good news for what it is...but you really should be happy. You are an inspiration to many....don't feel guilty...its people like you that provide hope to others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancyf267 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Wonderful news Cindy ~ I'm so happy for you! I just started my journey with LC and have only had one scan since dx, but I felt (feel) the same way... Remember that your journey is an inspiration to newbies like me ~ I think of you, Geri, and many others here, each and every day ~ it gives me the hope and inspiration I need for day to day survival! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schmaydee Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 so happy to hear that.....do you ever feel anywhere close to the way you did before you got cancer... ....s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Cindy, I understand how you feel. Each time I get my results I feel the same way. I don't think I deserve to be here when so many are not. What am I suppose to do that I am not doing? It puts some presure on us that we never considered before. I am happy to be alive and I know you are too. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one that feels that way. Its hard to put into words but you did a good job making a stab at it. We just have to keep on looking for our purpose and do the best we can. I stay depressed and my husband thinks it is because of all of my friends here that are not doing as well. I am sure it has something to do with my feelings but there is another part of me that can't leave. I NEED to know how everyone is. I have grown very attached to all of you and you are all in my prayers. I don't post as often as I once did but its just because I don't know what to say that might help. To all of you newbies...it is possible to live with this disease. We don't know how long our time is with this disease but when you think about it you don't know how long it would be without it either. Becky's beer truck lurks in the background. So when we feel good we must do all we can for other people. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I am so very happy that you had great scan results. I celebrate everyone's scan results because they show that there is progrress in fighting this disease and that there is hope and they/you/me, we are all hope ambassadors. It is so very important that people especially new people to this awful disease know that we are here. Prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Cindy, so very very thankful for your good report. A wonderful blessing for you and your family. Please don't feel guilty about your feelings. Give your self some time to work through them and get over the anxiety of test results. I think you are a great encouragement to all who come on this site. You give all of us hope. So glad you have a place you can tell how you feel. The rest of us know that someone else has felt the way we have felt or is struggling with emotions. Will keep praying for you with much thanksgiving. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LTich Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Cindy- I'm so thrilled about your great news! You should be celebrating, woman! Really, it does me SO good to come here & read this. It gives me & many others hope! Your news brought the first big smile to my face in days. Big Hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSF Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Cindy, when you're ready to feel it, know that congratulations are in order, and you also give hope to those who are still going through the treatments. I think you absolutely deserve that trip to the Bahamas! Thanks for the hope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEA Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Cindy, Thank you for sharing your good news, it brings HOPE to many of us. Hoping you'll soon feel ready to celebrate. Praying that many more blessing come your way. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Cindy, I rarely get on the boards any more even to lurk, but I guess this being, or rather would have been, Dave and my 13th wedding anniversary, I felt drawn to the board today. more than it being our wedding anniversary, it's also the anniversary of his diagnoses, because I took him to the ER on our 10th anniversary where he was diagnosed. Anyway, I digress. Truthfully, I consider you a true walking miracle. To be DIAGNOSED with EXTENSIVE SCLC and be NED this long out - WOW. What I know about LC and especially SCLC at this point - you are truly amazing, and girlfriend - TAKE IT. I think it's great. Don't feel guilty, feel like you have a wonderful gift, which you do. You've always been one of my favorite people on this board, and I'm so glad to see a true walking miracle. Use it in any way you see fit, but to simply have a normal life is the best tribute you can give to those not as fortunate as you. A normal life is a blessing! You take care, and know I'm one of your biggest admirers. Shine on, sunny girl! God Bless, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 It isa Good News Like this that makes still being here seem worthwhile to me and so very happy to hear that someone is doing so well with this disease. Many continued prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Wonderful news Cindy! Very happy for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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