How Long?

[laflood]

Don't know if this is the most appropriate place to ask this but will do so anyway.

How long does it take for "it" to sink in and every day isn't an emotional (crying at the drop of a hat) roller coaster? I'm not usually this emotional and have always felt that I handled stress fairly well (of course, it's usually been my husband who has been sick). I'm trying as hard as I can but I just can't seem to get a grip on my emotions. Is this normal?

[RandyW]

Welcome to theneighborhood. what you are gooing thru is known as the "new normal" of life. Each day brings on new fears, appointments, tests,, treatments, side effects, [plus what ever else was going on in Your Life. It does take a while for things to sink in. This is Life that you are worried about, not what time is Soccer practice for the kids. That is in addition of course. With this diagnosis comes a whole new realm of things happening emotionally and physically to you and everyone around you. Everything Changes now. The amount of time that it takes for all of this to sink in differs with everyone. DEb and I cried for almos t3 days straight when she was diagnosed. Then as one of our Senior members Likes to say,"We put on our big people panties and sucked it up. You have to get the fear out first in order to get the fighting out next. Yes, this disease is incurable right nnjow. Research has made so much progress that we fight to live long enough for Researchers to find a cure. hopefully very soon. we surround ourselves with love, compassion, spirit, and courage every day. there are so many things to be afraid of that we did not have to think of yesterday.

Sending Prayers that the Sun comes out tomorrow and that you feel a little better tomorrow. It does take time for this to sink in. Sending Prayers and keep us posted with what is going on. Start a profile at the top of the page. This is by far the best support group you can find online.

[Mary Cer]

When my husband was diagnosed back in October 2003, I cried so much. His cancer was so far along and we didn't even know it. He went to work everyday feeling so sick but he didn't know why. Once we found out why, he never went back to work again. We would cry - not understanding the situation and the outcome. When I was alone, I really cried - like a baby. I have come to believe it is so normal to feel this way. I think if there is a significant other to share your crisis with, they should just hold each other and cry together and talk to the sun comes up.

When I was diagnosed, I really missed not having my husband to help and support me. I didn't cry for myself like I did for him. I think that is probably normal, too.

Stay strong and positive. Believe miracles happen when prayer and hope are involved.

Mary Cer

[ernrol]

Lynne,

How long? This is going to depend on the person. For some it may never happen. For others it just may be a short time. I can only explain my own case. It was a very short time for me. I strongly believe that stress is one of our worst enemies. Stress itself can be a killer. Within the first day I came to the conclusion that if I was going to be able to give myself the best chance of beating this disease, I would have to keep stress at a minimum. Thinking negative, worrying and nutty doctor’s prognosis all could cause me stress. I decided that I would have to think positive as much as I can. I put all my trust in God and believe that he can work through my doctors and modern medicine to help me.

I think there is a positive outcome and there is a negative outcome in every situation in life. In every step of my treatment their is a positive or a negative outcome and even when the results look negative from what you had hoped for there is a positive and negative from that point forward. I choose to think positive at each step. This is not always easy to do and you have to work at it. A verse that I quote a lot is:

MATHEW 6:27

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

This is so true. Worrying can actually lower ones immune system and shorten ones life. I really want to live, so I have to keep worrying at a minimum. Do I have times that negative thoughts creep in? Yes, and I have to work at getting rid of them by finding the positive thought.

You are at a point that you don’t know for sure that you even have cancer, so you should think positive that the test will show that it is something else and not cancer. If it does happen to be cancer, let’s pray that it isn’t, then you caught it early and have good chance of survival. Each step there will always be a positive way to think.

I hope these thoughts will help you lift yourself up.

Stay positive,

Ernie

[barbara5452]

Welcome, yeap this is the new norm, but day by day it will get better as you jump from one emotion to another, denial, anger, sadness until one day acceptance comes and you begin to fight. You are not alone we have all been there, and still on occassion I have a good cry, your in the right place for support, keep us updated and remember tomorrow will bring a better day.

[Don M]

I never had much emotional stress, except for some depression, after I got my diagnosis. But I think it took a year and a half before it sunk in that I really had lc.. I could not really believe it for a long time. I still got the treatment, went through the motions of getting treatment and learning about the disease. I took lexapro off and on for a while, but no longer use it. What a deal...getting used to lc.

Don M

[enyaw061032]

When we are first diagnosed with lung cancer, we are scared and devastated, which is normal. The best thing you can do, which I found hard to do myself, is to be proactive and not let yourself get emotionally drained, because that is only making matters worse--since our immune system can be compromised from stress.

You are now in the group of people with lung cancer who has the saying that there is life before lung cancer and after lung cancer, and it will never be exactly the same, because you will worry and put getting checked and treated as your top priority.

Lung cancer is not a death sentence and it can be treated.

Keep your chin up, pray, and focus on getting treatment, etc., but also focus on doing positive things.

Love and prayers

Barb

[Mendy]

I would say it took at least four months for me to come to grips with my husband's diagnosis. It really is like having a new normal. I will admit that there are times when I think back to how carefree we were before we knew he had cancer and when he is really tired from treatments I sometimes feel like I miss my bestfriend and partner even though he is only upstairs in bed. For me,it is getting better as time goes on and he is doing well but I know the fear will always be lurking around the corner.

I hope you are able to develop a new normal and be able to live life that includes enjoyable times.

Mendy

[Welthy]

As the spouse, I can only say that I was in a complete fog for awhile and just going through the motions. I really had to shake myself up to even drive a car safely. Crying is normal and, I believe a healthy release of tension. My husband's concerns manifested in sleeping issues. We fixed that lickety-split with sleeping aids. Rest is so important.

A cancer diagnosis is devastating and stressful. You can deny it and then it just worms its way into your mind and body in devious ways. Bring your fears out into the open, talk to family, friends, your Pastor, or a counselor to help air your feelings and deal with them. Keep praying for God to hold you and walk with you. The time will come when acceptance begins and you can begin to live your new, but changed, life.

It took some time, but we both got our heads screwed back on our shoulders and moved into better emotional places. There are always ups and downs in this journey, but basically we go with the flow now. None of us have much of a choice!

Hoping for better days for you.

Welthy

[ztweb]

Oh gosh. I think for everyone it is different. I know with my dad, we got him on antidepressants after about 2 months. He just couldn't focus on ANYTHING other than the fact he had cancer. The anti's helped him sleep, which helped him have the ability to focus.

God bless you...stay strong!

Jen

[blaze100]

Hi Laflood, I'm 6.5 years out and I think I suffer post traumatic stress from the whole ordeal. I still stress out test time.

For the first 2-3 years my fear was extreme. I woke up every morning to a living nightmare. It was the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep. Lots of crying.

Twilight time still really scares me. I hate the transition from daylight to nighttime.

Looking back on it now, it was foolish to worry so much. Like Ernie pointed out, worry doesn't change a thing. But some of us still do.

It sounds like your docs are not positive about the diagnosis. If it is LC and still small, then your chances of survival are very good.

Prayers, Barb

[Snowflake]

It helps to ease that feeling when you begin a treatment plan. You are still lining up players in the game.

I know that when I was first diagnosed, it took a while for it to sink in. I never questioned having it removed by surgery, and the terror in earnest, began days after being diagnosed - when the numbness wore off.

You need to begin treatment, be it surgery, radiation, chemo...ANYTHING. I am not saying the terror will never return, nor that teary feeling, but it WILL begin to wane some.

I found that upon ending any treatment and going on surveillance, I had a return of the terror. I STILL stress over tests...

Part of the reason for the test stress is the knowledge that I didn't feel sick the first time it was diagnosed, I was just lucky enough to have pneumonia...(amazing how perspective changes, for a person to feel lucky to have pneumonia!)

Allow yourself some time to wallow. It's a helluva lot to digest. Do NOT allow yourself to remain in the wallowing pit. Give yourself a time frame and then pull on your big girl panties. Once you have your pity party, beat down the terror and start moving, one foot in front of the other.

Keep a ballbat and a flashlight with you to fight the monsters. They will continue to come out when you least expect them and you will need to beat them back.

When I was first diagnosed, my primary care physician put me on Xanax and Ambien, to calm the voices in my head (the stats that were spinning, the echoes of doom, etc.) and to allow me to sleep. I would recommend you talk to your doctor about some medication for anxiety and a sleep aid. Better living through chemistry...

Good luck to you!

Becky

[Debi]

I echo what Snowflake and Barb in particular have said. That fear, those feelings come and go. The first 6 months were probably the hardest in retrospect, there was not a day I didn't think of my cancer, and often times woke up in the middle of the night, thinking about it in my sleep! Through the last almost 4 years, I have had my share of neurotic behavior, and of fear. But I think I have finally been able to start putting it behind me, sometimes I go days now without thinking of it.

Don't worry about the fear leaving, it is natural, and will probably be with you for awhile. The important thing is not the fear, but what you do with it. Don't let it cripple you, use it to motivate you to do everything you need to do. And keep coming back here, as lung cancer survivors we all understand fear well, it has been our companion whether we wanted it to be or not.

SO in answer to your question, yes, you are right where you are supposed to be right now. But just remember this - lung cancer does not have to be a death sentence- see, that was MY mistake, I thought it was. Someone on this string said that lung cancer is incurable, but it is curable - myself and others are living proof of this.

I've rambled enough. Good luck with all, and keep us posted.

[beatlemike]

I was the same way,cry, worry and cry.

I finally got on antidepressant called lexapro. Helped me alot. I still worry about recurrence but i am able to enjoy today and visit with others without crying. Tell your doc about your syptoms. Also I hope and pray the best for you. Mike

[jang]

I don't know if it ever really "sinks in". I still think about it daily. And at test time, I still stress out. But the roller coaster ride will end and you will find your "new normal" and realize just how lucky you really are. You are CURED!

[Flowergirlie]

I just was reading about something similar that can be applied to what you are experiencing right now and that is, if you are not allowing yourself to feel what is going on deep down inside then you will suffer longer and if you allow yourself to experience these feelings, you can work through them and experience personal growth. It is easier said probably but the personal growth each of us must do during our lives can not be ignored even when we would rather ignore it. We are all here for you.

Flowergirlie

[wendyr]

You know, Flowergirlie just nailed something very important. I was so pro-active regarding Maurice's treatment & care and so totally involved in it that I think part of me went into some sort of denial and fight mode. It's been a year since he was diagnosed & I'm just now starting to cry. Somedays the waterworks just won't stop, so my advice is that if the fears & tears start to bubble up, let them come. So much healthier than suppressing them for a year like I did. Good Luck & God Bless

wendyr