norme Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Hello all my dear friends, I have been away for a while having a party. I decided to feel sorry for myself. I felt it was time to do nothing and just sink into a hole somewhere. Everything just seemed to mount up to a point that I was not sleeping more than 3 hrs a night if that much. I was taking my problems to bed. It was like a twilight sleep. I could open my eyes anytime I wanted and change the subject to some other horrible cancer thought. I kept reading the posts but had nothing to say for if I couldn't feel positive how could I relate it in words to anyone else so I kept to myself. None of the above had anything to do with death either. It only had to do with how was I going to handle it all, - - Buddy, the house, the animals, the finances, the yard, the car, grocery shopping, just everything that has been my responsibility since 9/11/02. It sure is a good thing we didn't win the lottery during that time for that would have been another big problem I could feel sorry for myself for. Today I got on here as I have all along and started reading the posts and thought Norme, you fool. Everyone on here is brave and loving and there is no time for the nonsence you have been putting yourself through, get on with life and whatever happens happens. If the car tires go flat, call AAA, if you run out of food, eat out. I have no control on life nor the house, car, animals or anything else. I only have myself and my Buddy to help get though with whatever is in front of us now. If I can't then our son will get us through. Buddy was told he has a 5cm primary tumor in his colon (2 primary cancers) and it needs to come out because if not, it will close up and would cause a very horribly painful death. He is scheduled for the operation 11/24. They say it looks to be the common colon cancer and will need to take out a section about 10 inches in length. Only about 2% of these operations have trouble healing so they are hoping his will be fine. If not, they will do the bag on him. There big concern is two things, will the radiation he has had effect the healing power and the second being his breathing. I don't know why the breathing but he could come out needing oxygen from here on. They will also do a biospy on his liver and if it comes back cancer mets then will know if from the colon or the lung and will start chemo on which ever it is from. He has such a great disposition. He does not let on that he is the least bit worried. I sure hope he is not faking what he feels just to make it seem easier for me. He has resigned himself a long time ago that he will probably not beat this cancer and to him that is okay for he has always felt that I could carry on. He does not know that part of me is dying with him each and everyday. But enough of that, got to keep myself out of that field of harrow. Been there and it is ugly. So am back and the He/////// with yesterday..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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