norme Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Hello all my dear friends, I have been away for a while having a party. I decided to feel sorry for myself. I felt it was time to do nothing and just sink into a hole somewhere. Everything just seemed to mount up to a point that I was not sleeping more than 3 hrs a night if that much. I was taking my problems to bed. It was like a twilight sleep. I could open my eyes anytime I wanted and change the subject to some other horrible cancer thought. I kept reading the posts but had nothing to say for if I couldn't feel positive how could I relate it in words to anyone else so I kept to myself. None of the above had anything to do with death either. It only had to do with how was I going to handle it all, - - Buddy, the house, the animals, the finances, the yard, the car, grocery shopping, just everything that has been my responsibility since 9/11/02. It sure is a good thing we didn't win the lottery during that time for that would have been another big problem I could feel sorry for myself for. Today I got on here as I have all along and started reading the posts and thought Norme, you fool. Everyone on here is brave and loving and there is no time for the nonsence you have been putting yourself through, get on with life and whatever happens happens. If the car tires go flat, call AAA, if you run out of food, eat out. I have no control on life nor the house, car, animals or anything else. I only have myself and my Buddy to help get though with whatever is in front of us now. If I can't then our son will get us through. Buddy was told he has a 5cm primary tumor in his colon (2 primary cancers) and it needs to come out because if not, it will close up and would cause a very horribly painful death. He is scheduled for the operation 11/24. They say it looks to be the common colon cancer and will need to take out a section about 10 inches in length. Only about 2% of these operations have trouble healing so they are hoping his will be fine. If not, they will do the bag on him. There big concern is two things, will the radiation he has had effect the healing power and the second being his breathing. I don't know why the breathing but he could come out needing oxygen from here on. They will also do a biospy on his liver and if it comes back cancer mets then will know if from the colon or the lung and will start chemo on which ever it is from. He has such a great disposition. He does not let on that he is the least bit worried. I sure hope he is not faking what he feels just to make it seem easier for me. He has resigned himself a long time ago that he will probably not beat this cancer and to him that is okay for he has always felt that I could carry on. He does not know that part of me is dying with him each and everyday. But enough of that, got to keep myself out of that field of harrow. Been there and it is ugly. So am back and the He/////// with yesterday..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Well, it's okay to have a pity party as long as it comes to an end. Sounds like yours is over for now. Good for you! Sorry Buddy has to put up with yet another cancer but it sounds like they can take care of it. Best to both of you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Everyone needs a little time sometimes to feel sorry for themselves and to 'regroup'. With everything all of us on this board have been through it's perfectly natural and I think maybe even healthy to have these feelings. Helps us get a grip on reality. Sounds like you've got your grip. Your posts have been so informative and full of understanding. I appreciate them and I'm glad you're back to posting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Norme and Buddy, We are all ENTITLED to have a pity party. I just pray you are able to get back up and roll again. It is hard to get out of the pit sometimes. Just know we are here for you and will always be. Honor your feelings and then put them on the shelf. I will keep you both in my prayers. Take care of yourself and do the best you can. That is all that can be expected of any of us. Keeping my eyes open for miracles because they happen every day. Sometimes we just don't realize it when it happens. Much love, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Norme, I was so worried about you. I can relate to sometimes just feeling overwhelmed. I joke and say that I am tired of being the 'Honey' that is doing the 'Honey Do' jobs. But you know and I know that we are strong women and that somehow we will do what needs to be done. That does not mean that ocassionly (can never remember if it is 2 c's or 2 s's) we don't fold and climb into a hole. Do something nice for yourself, go to the beauty parlor, eat a big bowl of ice cream, just do something just for Norme. We were much missed and we are glad you are back. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Norme, Glad you've swept out the cobwebs and chased yer blues away, too! Step into the light.....(ack, wait, that shows MORE cobwebs....let's try soft illumination, not direct sunlight....). Pits of despair are normal, not being able to climb back out of them in a certain time is not. Looks like you're doing well, strong enough to pull yourself out. You're from good stock, Norme. Soft to the touch, gentle on the eye with a spine of pure steel! Sure did miss ya, just assumed you were vacationing....had I known you were partying too, I'd have brought over a dish to pass and my favorite board game...or even "Twister"! (Wouldn't THAT have been a hoot??!) Take care, drop a line when you feel yourself sinking, I'll send you some virtual Oreos and a glass of milk! Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobmc Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Norme!!! WE WAS WORRIED!!! missed on chat and was thinking about you and Buddy; Glad your back with us and so sorry Buddy was diagnosed with the colon cancer. You know we'll be praying real hard for ya!!, Somebody on the board has this quote that I love " God would'nt bring you to it if He could'nt get you through it" Have faith your not alone. God bless you and Buddy Bobmc- NSCLC- stage IIB- left pneumonectomy- 5/2/01 " absolutely insist on enjoying life today!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbaraL Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Norme, Let me echo what everyone else has said. Of *course* you're entitled to feel sorry for yourself now and then. This awful disease takes its toll on everyone involved, not just the patients. Sometimes I think my wonderful husband and all caregivers are affected at least as much as us patients. Don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone, on this board or in your life. It sounded like you were bordering on clinical depression, but managed to pull yourself out. If it happens again, and lasts more than 3 weeks, please see a doctor yourself. There are numerous treatments available for depression today, and sometimes just a prescription to help you sleep can be enormously helpful. Not getting enough sleep makes you feel worse, which fuels the depression, which makes you feel worse, ad nauseum. My best to you and to Buddy, Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rinksgal Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Norme, I'm glad your feeling better! I'm so sorry to hear that Buddy and you have to deal with yet another cancer. I'll be saying a special prayer for both of you and just know my thoughts and prayers will be with both of you on the 24th. as far as feeling sorry for yourself, I seem to do this quite often.. I get real down and at times I just want to give up.. Like with you, I think about all of the things that I have to do, I just told Darrell tonight, it seems like I don't have enough hours in the day...So many things to do with the farm, and working,painting(our bedroom), cooking, laundry, bedding down farm animals, feeding them, carrying water to some of them, giving them grain and hay and plugging in heaters in troughs, and shutting down barn turning water off in barn, and just everyday things, I'm sure we could just all go on and on and on.. I never take time for me. and I hope you are finding some time for yourself! We do need that, just to regroup! I'm a good one to talk! lol Also Barbara is right don't let yourself get too far down before seeking care from a doctor, I know a while back I was already on depression medicine and even Darrell told me well its not working, you need to go see your doctor.. So I did and she switched my meds and now I am alot better.. I just thought that since I was on some then nothing could help me, but guess I was wrong.. My doctor also said that if that didn't work, that I knew where she was and not to hesitate to come back before my follow up appointment..But sounds like your doing better!! I hope so!! I haven't been on here much lately, partly just too busy, and I told Darrell tonight I had to check this board out and find out how everyone was... I'm sorry you were having a bad time!! Take care!! and hugs to you and Buddy!! Christy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Norme, You are such a strong and courageous person. I am sorry to hear that your Buddy must endure this operation. He will beat this challenge and will be just fine. Just put this in the hands of our Lord. He is much bigger that we are and he can handle this better than we can. Just keep the faith, and by his stripes we are healed and we claim healing for Buddy. Please take care of yourself and try and get some rest so you don;t get sick. Thinking of you and prayers for you and Buddy... God is good and hears our prayers. Warm Regards & Hugs (((((Norme))))) Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Norme, How dare you have a party without me??? Geesh!!! I am so sorry for the latest news of Buddy but I am sure he will skate through....he has already been through so much ... you both sound like a couple of tough birds!! Missed you on the board and was worried like all of the above !!!! Understand the "crawling under the porch" feeling...like has been said before, I think sometimes we all need to do that for a bit. And sometimes we just have nothing left over to give to anyone else and need a break. Glad to see you back!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Dear Norme, I too was really worried about you. I really thought something happened to you. When I logged on and saw you had posted I was so relieved. I am so sorry to hear that Buddy has yet another battle to fight. When my dad was sick I always thought like you and wondered if he held back because of his family. I wondered how can he be so brave. I know he was more comfortable hiding how he really felt, just so we wouldnt worry as much. I struggle with that all the time however that was my dad, thinking of everyone else instead of himself. Its hard to believe that they can go through so much and still be so kind. SOOOOO glad your back. P:S I thought of you on our way down to Florida. We didnt get caught in any traffic except in Kentucky at exit 186, we were delayed 2hrs. We kept trying to find different ways to get out of the traffic. We were on and off of I75 so I probably crossed your path somewhere that day. I guess there was a really bad accident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Norme, May be a silly question, but did they ever biopsy any of the supposed lung cancer mets? Warm regards, Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted November 14, 2003 Author Share Posted November 14, 2003 Mary, are you talking about the tumors in the lung or the mets in the lymph nodes they took out or the brain mets? Why??????what do you know that maybe I should know. Another sad day today, had to have our cat put to rest. She was 16 and having kidney problems and with buddy going for surgery on the 24th I was not able to cope with having to try and get her back on her feet if it would of even been possible. The vet dr said she was pretty sick.. that was his love....mine is the dog. thanks everyone, I needed all your wise words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Norme, So sorry to read about the kitty. Funny how attached we humans get to the shedding kibble-processors around the house.... Hope things start rolling smoother for you, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolyn Flournoy Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Norme Sounds as if you have all the same day to day problems I have. flat tires, money, house, animals. Thought these were going to be our golden years that's what people say. My father-in law would say." getting old isn't for sissies" and were're not sissies so I just take one problem a day if there's more than one which happens often I pat myself on the back for taking care of the one. When they mount up I'm lucky like you, can call in the family for help. Know all will go well for you and Buddy on the 24th. Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Norme, Just got back in town, so didn't know you were missing in action. My heart and prayers go out to you and Buddy. You've been through so much together, I'm expecting you hang tough together through this latest episode. Loads of love being sent your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anniemac Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Norme, I saw you were missing in action, but I hoped you were on vacation. No such luck. I will be praying for your Buddy from now till his surgery on the 24th. And I will be saying some for you too!! It's hard to keep our heads up all the time. I feel like crawling under the covers myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebayou Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Have put a note on my fridge which says: Buddy's operation is tomorrow the 24th ... so don't forget to double up on the prayers tonight!! God Bless u both!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Norme, So glad your are back on line. I missed you! I am so sad to hear about Buddy's colon cancer diagnosis. He has already been through so much, as have you! I am sleeping about like you, only 3-4 hours per night. I hope that your sleep has improved. I have ambien, but hate to take it regularly because it interfers with my circadium sleep cycle. However, it does offer short term relief. Have you considered it? Norme, please know that you can't possibly be positive all of the time. You certainly don't have to be for us. Just know that you are stronger than you think. You have been taking care of Buddy, the house, animals, etc. since Buddy became sick. I just want you to know that we are here for you when ever you need to vent. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Oh my dear Norme, So sorry I am just reading your message now. My computer has had a virus and it has been impossible to post. My prayers and thoughts are with you and dear Buddy. You are a strong, courageous woman who deserves to take a few steps back now and then to regroup and then come out fighting. Our love to you and Buddy, Peg and Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauri Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I know I'm new around here and can't really offer any advice. I can't post as often as I want to due to very old computer (6 years old), but I do *slowly* read posts. When I read about your pity party, I had to post something. I want to thank you for your forthright posts and information and advice and just plain kind words. You and Buddy are such an inspiration to me. Your strength and Buddy's courage give me inspiration and strength which I need to help my mom 100%. All that "being strong" takes energy and you must have needed some down time. You are good people and I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm sorry Buddy is going through surgery on the 24th...I will be thinking of both of you on that day. Take care, Lauri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Norme, I'm glad you're back. You were missed terribly, and we were worried if you were okay. My remedy has always been to cry in a hot tub of bubbles, and then to get on with it. Sorry to hear about your cat. Just what you don't need, more grief. I hope and pray Buddy's surgery is straightforward, simple and successful. And Norme, when you're worried, leave it all in God's lap. He's going to be up all night anyway. You need your sleep. Love, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Norme, sorry about "your Buddy" and about your cat. I hope your dear husband will sail through the colon surgery & liver biopsy without any troubles. I doubt his prior radiation will slow his healing, since it wasn't targeting his abdomen. If he does end up with "the bag," most people handle those quite easily, so it's not a big thing. Best wishes and healing energy coming your way, Teresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 You are all the greatest!!!!! I probably won't be on much for about a month. I have so many things I must do between now and monday and will be at the hospital after that as long as needed 24/7. Everyone hang tight till I return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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