CaroleHammett Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Dear friends. I've known my tumor and lymph nodes have been growing since 12/07 and that 2nd and 3rd line chemo wasn't working. And, as many of you already know, earlier this month, after learning that my remaining possible chemo options had only a 10% chance of working and a 90% chance of severe side effects, I opted to cease further treatment in favor of Quality of Life. Last Thursday, I had a PET scan, requested in order to have a better idea re my progression rate, and yesterday afternoon I learned from my oncologist that I now have mets to both my liver and my left (good) lung--in addition to the growth and spread of my original RLL tumor and metastasized lymph nodes both inside and outside my chest cavity. This coming Saturday will mark the beginning of a wonderful two-week vacation in San Diego and Mexico with my daughter and mother--a time during which the three of us can create new memories and recount old ones, further forging the strong bond that has existed between us since my daughter's birth. There is a part of me that is sad, but my overwhelming feelings right now are more about what a lucky woman I am, what a wonderful life I've lived and what great friends and family I have--including all of you, who have come to mean so much to me since my dx. And now I'm off to bed... I've got to get plenty of sleep this week so as to have maximum energy on this vacation, which will be very much needed as I plan to dance 'til I drop! Affectionately, Carole Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.--George Carlin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Dearest Carole. There is an overwhelming part of me that is sad as well. But I am also so pleased that you are able to make this trip. Please rest up lots so that you will have all the energy we know you will require. My thoughts are always with you but this week and during your trip I will muster up extra special prayers for strength and joyous travels. As usual your spirit shines brightly and gives me a smile in my heart. I for one am dancing right along with you my friend. Fondly Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Dear Carole, Your assessment of things medical has given me the reality of the situation. Sadness touches me, but more so, there is a new appreciation of your grabbing life and sucking the marrow out of it (a good thing). That attribute will bring your mother, your daughter, and you an awareness of the gathering of memories so very precious for the treasury. I am sure, Carole, that this imminent vacation will be very beautiful in its conception and fruits. Now that time has passed and realities have set into place, my appreciation for life, and its priorities have gradually replaced former and deeper anxieties. It isn't that those primordials have disappeared altogether, but there is a certain peace that has embedded within. May you dance with all that is in you. My thoughts dance in tune knowing that you will be creating this. You have given me a gift of appreciation, Carole. I love you. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Carole- I hope your trip is full of fun and that you and your family make wonderful memories!! Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Carole, You are winning! You know that don't you? This stupid disease wants you to stay home and be upset because of your PET scan, but you refuse and therefore you are winning. We all concentrate on beating this disease with medicine, but thank you for showing us all how to beat it with our spirits! Ernie did this too--and that's a worthy legacy! Have fun and dance, dance, dance! Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce u Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Carole you have a great vacation and wear out a pair of shoes at " the dance " !!! Nice that the 3 generations will be making great memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 (((Carole))), What a total inspiration you are. We should all live life with the same spirit that you do. This news is not what we wanted to hear... damn, I hate this disease and what it does to people . I do hope you will enjoy your time with your family and I look forward to your returning and telling us about it. Carole, thank you for all that you contribute to this forum. Your posts inspiire my mind and touch my heart. May God be with you. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatlemike Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Carole,Should my cancer return and advance,I can only hope and pray I can face it with a fraction of the courage and dignity you are. Have a wonderful trip and May God Bless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Sorry to hear about the progression. Try to enjoy your vacation. If you get tired dancing standing up, you can always dance from a chair or bed......Keep the music in your heart. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Carole, you're far more alive than most people I know who are in "perfect" physical health. I realize others have said it, but it's true, you're an inspiration. I'm still planning to die with cancer and not from it, but if that's not to be, my fallback position is to somehow approach your wonderful combination of grace and grit. With much Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Carole, your spirit is an inspiration for me. I have no doubt the memories you and your family are about to make will be everlasting. My prayers for you and your family will be for safe travels as I know you will not let the beast interfere with what is going to be an amazing vacation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leela Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Carole, I'm so sorry to hear of the progression, but I hope you enjoy your vacation. As always I am in awe of your strength, wisdom and courage. Your spirit is truly unique and a blessing to all of us here. If we could bottle and give it away, the world would be a much better place. Hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Enjoy your time Carol Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hi, all. Sorry for the belated reply, but I spent most of yesterday running final errands (and finding a great housesitter for my fish and plants!), so I now have a couple days in which to rest up before taking off this weekend. In the meantime, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your so very kind and generous words, but it is you members of this group--both past and present--who are my inspiration. You will never know how much I have come to love and admire each and every one of you, nor how very much your caring and support have helped me forge the path I have chosen. All my love and affection, Carole If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.--Barack Obama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I have taken awhile to respond to this post because frankly I don't really know what to say.Knocked me back a bit I must say..we all knew it was coming but to see it posted just slapped me some I guess. Carole my friend I'm not going to repeat all the trite words you have already heard....you already know what you mean to this site..and to many of us personally.God Bless,,,enjoy your vacation. Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev'sSister Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hi Carole, I have faithfully kept up with your posts, because you are such a wonderful writer and such a positive influence. I can not even begin to tell you what your wonderful spirit has meant to me over the last few months. You are the most courageous person I have ever known. I am so inspired by you. I have bad moments and I look for your posts to make me realize that I need to be a better person. YOU know what is important in life and every post you write helps others to understand better what is important in life..at least here on earth. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us and please continue to do so. We love you. Bobby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Hi Carole I know you will enjoy your trip with your beautiful mom and daughter. Make wonderful memories as you certainly have done that here. I love your posts, we would never know how much a a progession this monster has on you as you were always so positive and there to pick us up when we needed support. I know you said that we are the reason for your inspiration, but I just want you to know how much you mean to us. You were an inspiration to us from the moment you posted and continue to be. Keep dancing my friend as we will dance along with you. Enjoy your trip and time together! Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Dearest Carole, I know you will have the most amazing visit with your mom and daughter!!! I admire your attitude and strength!! You are such an inspiration to many of us here on the site! God Bless You Dear Friend! Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 Hi, all. Just a quick note to thank you yet again for your wonderful messages and to let you know that my vacation went extremely well: My overall health and general strength continued to improve throughout the two weeks (recovery from the Alimta debacle) despite the PET scan showing the cancer is spreading quickly; i.e., I remained relatively pain- and fatigue-free. Once we landed in San Diego on the 2nd, I did not have to use my supplemental O2 again (due to being at sea level). In fact, some days it was as high as 97-99%! I cannot tell you how much this did for my spirit (psychologically, not having to "wear" the O2 was like having an umbilical cord cut!). In fact, because of no supplemental O2, I was actually able to swim a few strokes in the "real" swimming pool (as vs. the hot tub). I actually felt like a "real" person. The trip was magical in every possible way, but perhaps the greatest was in Cabo San Lucas when I went sailing on New Zealand's 2000 America's Cup contender and--once we left the bay--the skipper let me take over the wheel! Not in a million years could I describe to you how wondrous a feeling that was, having been a racing skipper myself in earlier years, and assuming that my sailing days were over! Please note that I had to lie like crazy on the disclaimer form I had to sign re my health conditions in order to even get on the boat! I managed to do so without feeling a single compunction. The two main concerns were my heart and my osteoporosis (racing pulse and stress fractures), but neither kicked in and in fact after I was back on shore, I walked all over half of Cabo (adrenalin racing! ), a fact that had both my mother and my daughter in shock! (When they met me at the dock afterward, they'd brought my walker and memory foam cushion so they could keep me comfortable in case we had to wait for ambulance! ) I am feeling the best I've felt since Feb 08 when I started the Tarceva (followed by the Alimta--with both of them toxic), which just goes to show--as far as I'm concerned--that whether or not Quality of Life improves Survival Rate (as numerous studies show)--the main thing for me is that it definitely improves the life I have left. I'm still not home yet (flying back to Denver this a.m.) and it will probably be days before I even begin to catch up on reading, let alone posting, but in the meantime, I just had to check in and tell you it was the greatest vacation of my life! With great love and affectioin, Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Thanks for checking in Carole. I am so glad to hear your vacation was everything you hoped it would be. I am looking forward to your return. Fondly Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Hey Carole, So very happy to know that your vacation was as wonderful as it was. Waiting for your return, your posts, and your usual great humor. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbvh Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Carole, I am thrilled to hear that you had such a marvelous vacation and felt as well as you did. What a blessing to you and your family. What a high you must of had being at the helm. You go GIRL!! Can't wait to hear more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarGre Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 It is wonderful you were able to feel well and enjoy your vacation. I just returned from a trip and am convinced of the therapeutic power of travel and vacations. Marcia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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